Cold Orbit
by RadicalMoon
Summary: Years have passed since Sera reluctantly gave up on her military career to instead take care of her crippled mother. Having lived and worked in her aunt's clinic in Karanese district ever since, she has slowly adapted to her new job and life—and even come to enjoy it. But as an odd proposition to join the Survey Corps appears, where and to whom will that choice take her?
1. Chapter 1: Ends and Beginnings (Part 1)

_Author's Note:  
_

_May contain spoilers for the manga/anime in future updates. Will make a warning post if necessary. _

_Enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 1: Ends and Beginnings**

The descending sun drenched the sky and the soft clouds in a warm, orange tint. Two women strolled down the street wearing generous, breezy dresses and chatted excitedly about their swollen bellies. I desperately waited until even the sound of their loud voices and the tapping of their sandalled feet mingled with the rest of the city noise before dejectedly returning indoors, quickly wiping away the plastered smile on my lips with the back of my hand.

"Hmph. Still anxious about Sebastian, I see?"

A short, stout woman with sharp silver streaks in her bundled up hair blocked my way and threw me a pitying look. To many she was known as Lydia, the toughest drinker in all Karanese, but to me she was known simply as my aunt.

I waved her away. "It's nothing, I'm just a bit tired."

"So your soggy face ain't got nothing to do with him."

"I'm pretty hot too."

"Then go take a bath." She crossed her fleshy arms. "Hell Sera, you look like you've passed halfway through to the realm of the dead _as well_!"

Before I could launch an equally taunting response or blurt something else I would regret later on, another voice harshly interjected.

"Mom, you can't say things like that! Especially not in a situation like this!"

And downstairs came my savior and cousin Miriam. Unlike with me, Lydia never chose to battle out arguments with her daughter since Miriam could dismantle close to anyone with just the proper set of words. An arguable ability in the world we're living in, but since I always knocked heads with Lydia and nobody of us liked to back down, I would have had a lot of use for such a diplomatic solution. Miriam was a good speaker, younger than me and both sweet and clever, but I had to admit she wasn't the prettiest girl; her nose was too big for her face and her rye-colored hair never really seemed to have a real length. She wasn't a popular claim amongst the other sex but was, nevertheless, a very nice person and also my best—if not only—friend. Except for Sebastian. A thought which got my head winding.

_Where are you, idiot? It's already been a good while since the bells announced the Survey Corps' return. Don't tell me you're intentionally pulling this to annoy me? Again?_

Pondering, I lost my catch of reality for a second. Miriam surprised me when she gently knocked on my head; we're the same height so I was confused when I had to crane my neck backwards to look her in the eyes. But I soon realized that I had slumped down on a nearby stool like a sack of rotten potatoes, my arms hanging lifeless to my sides like a ragdoll's. My aunt had for once been rather accurate with her earlier statement: I was thoroughly exhausted and I would bet all my meager savings that I looked about the same.

"Don't be so troubled, Sera," Miriam said with a smile. "Mom doesn't know what she's blabbering about. And you know how much she adores Sebastian; she would never crack a joke like that if she actually thought it was true. He'll be here anytime."

She sounded so reassuring I almost felt bad when I answered, "I actually think Lydia was talking about my mother."

And as if it was something _I_ was supposed to comfort _her_ about, I gingerly caressed her arm.

Miriam's following silence only confirmed my theory. _Guessed so_, I thought as I eyed my aunt who was starting to prepare for dinner. _She never gets tired of complaining about how much of a burden my mother and I are, even though they're sisters. I'm supposedly "lucky" with this… predicament._

"I'm going out," I announced and rose to my feet. As much as I loved Miriam and even my aunt, I couldn't deal with either at the moment. My worry for Sebastian suffocated me and influenced all my actions. Miriam opened her mouth to say something but refrained, and decided to join her mother in the kitchen instead. Something in my expression probably told her to stay away from me, at least for a while.

With stiff limbs and my mind elsewhere, I carelessly swung open the door. And almost slammed it right into a visitor.

I could feel my skin draining with color. He probably could too, and his fair, handsome features turned mournful. We both knew what he was here to deliver; the emblem on his jacket was unmistakable.

"Are you Seraphina Berninger?"

I slowly nodded. The noises from the kitchen died in an instant.

"Then I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Berninger. Sebastian Berninger is no longer with us."

* * *

My stupid, reckless, carefree, humorous, beloved brother was dead. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Even my aunt was silent for once as we sat opposed to each other by the table. The only ones who seemed to be fine enough to talk were Miriam, sitting to my left, and the famous Erwin Smith, commander of the despised Survey Corps, who sat next to my aunt. I couldn't even remember why he was dining with us—not that anyone was eating.

"Wait…" I fumbled to formulate a comprehensible question, my words disappearing before I could catch them. "What are you doing here, sir?"

His piercing blue eyes immediately turned to look at me. "I'm not sure I understand," he carefully replied.

I clenched my cup until my knuckles whitened and the porcelain threatened to crumble. "Why are _you_ the one to come and tell me of…" My voice trailed away and I swallowed hard. "Instead of Seb—his squad leader? I thought that was the way you did it. And I cannot remember Sebas—_him_ to be in your group."

"True," admitted the commander, his gaze unwavering. I briefly wondered how many times he had knocked on a door to tell an already distressed family that one of their children had died fighting under the Wings of Freedom, and how many times more he was going to deliver news of death. "But as it stands, the lance corporal is currently unavailable for such tasks."

"Coward," I spat.

Miriam stared at me and my aunt raised her head from the table to look at me, eyes widened in surprise. The commander remained calm.

"No, the reason is different, I promise," he replied. "I actually wanted to come visit you myself."

"Levi still wouldn't have come, would he?"

His icy-blue eyes lost their focus on me for barely a second and I understood that I had been correct. He sighed when realizing that I knew. "I trust he has his reasons, Miss Berninger. He's not a bad man."

A horse and carriage passed the building. The sunset was fading away, giving in to the darkness of the night.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. "What is it you want from me, sir?"

"I'm here because I want to help you."

I fought back my frustration; I didn't want to lash out at him for no reason except bad memories about a certain someone. "And with what would that be?" _Can you bring my brother back? Can you bring my father back? Can you make my mother able to walk again?_

"I have assessed your family situation. Your finances won't make through." He suddenly turned to my aunt. "Your clinic will have to be closed down by the end of next month if you don't do anything about it."

Miriam inhaled sharply.

"Mom, what is he talking about?" she exclaimed. "He's not being serious, right? All of this is just a bad, bad dream, huh? Sebastian is still alive, our business is going outstanding and aunt Alina is going to become healthy soon because we're doing everything to treat her, right Mom? This is just a horrible nightmare."

"For being such a smart girl, you're really naive," I said and rubbed my cold hands together. Miriam looked at me, shocked.

"I'm afraid he's right," continued my aunt. Her gray eyes were empty. "I'm sorry, Miriam. I'm buried too deep in debt. The money that Sebastian provided us were the only thing that got us going. And since he's—"

Lydia quieted when I looked at her.

"Well, isn't there anything we can do?" tried Miriam, her voice weak.

My aunt shook her head. "Even if we kick out your aunt and cousin it'll barely help sustaining us more than a month or two."

"And here's where I want to have a saying," said the commander. His focus had returned to me and I could read in his bold eyes what he had in mind. It came to no surprise after all, because I had seen it already before he stepped into the house.

"I would like you to join the Survey Corps."


	2. Chapter 1: Ends and Beginnings (Part 2)

I pressed my lips together. In the corner of my eye I saw Miriam press a hand to her chest, her jaw hanging slack.

"We lost many in the latest expedition, together with your brother," Erwin went on, his face grim. "And since your not only an adept 3DMG-user but you also have some advanced medical experience, your contribution would mean twice as much."

"Never!"

My aunt slammed her thick palm against the wooden table and a strange look of fear temporarily straightened her wrinkled face. "There will be no talking about that rubbish! How dare you bark in and ask such a horrid thing?" She suddenly seemed to remember whom she actually was talking to and lowered her voice. "It's a fool's endeavor, sir. A suicidal road. And I will _not_ stand and idly watch as you drag another poor soul into the titans' bloody gobs! Especially not when her brother just—"

"Calm down, please." The commander raised a gentle hand and met my neutral gaze. "It's simply an offer, Miss Berninger. You are free to choose. Only, I know that you scored amongst the top ten during your training years before you quit to help your family." For a second, there was regret in his voice. Then it was gone. "That cannot have been a mere coincidence or pure luck. You fought for something, didn't you?"

I stayed silent but looked away.

"Tell me, do you remember which military branch you were most focused on enrolling into?"

My focus involuntarily twisted back to him. His blue eyes glittered. He already knew my answer.

"The Survey Corps, sir."

"To join your brother, I reckon?"

My hands balled into fists. "Yes," I replied quietly. There was no idea hiding the obvious.

"Then, Miss Berninger," he began, "if you're still interested in what's best for humanity _and_ your family, I would like to meet you at the western gates tomorrow morning at eight. For now I fear I'll have to excuse myself; there are a few more things I have to attend to before midnight."

Erwin Smith promptly stood up and straightened his shirt before heading towards the entrance door, turning around one last time to glance back at us. "Well then, have a nice evening."

"Sir."

He patiently waited.

I swallowed hard. It tore my heart to even think about it, but I asked anyway. "Where… where are his remains? I… I must..."

My voice broke. I could feel my throat swell up and my vision turn blurry but I refused to cry, at least while my aunt and cousin stared at me with nothing but pity. They probably thought I was restraining myself, too proud to show them any weakness, and although they were correct in that particular aspect I honestly didn't want anyone to see how truly close I was on the brink of madness. _Sebastian was dead_. The words rang in my head, mockingly and repetitive, and I could just barely keep myself from screaming: _Shut the hell up! It's a lie! _

I hastily dug my nails into my palms and tried to regain full control of my emotions. My audience was merciful enough not to make comments on my rigid behavior.

"I must see him, _at least one last time_," I whispered, finally, and looked towards the door.

The commander was soft in his response, sorrow darkening his gaze. "He was fully consumed by titans and we were unable to recover anything of him. Again, I am sorry."

I continued staring at the door even long after he left, as if it would redo today's happenings or turn back time. Anything so that I might see my brother again and give him a proper goodbye. The already tense atmosphere in the kitchen could only grow heavier as the silence prolonged, none of us brave enough to relieve whatever spell that locked our tongues. It still felt unbelievable, like nothing more than a scary dream, but in my mind, the achingly revelation of the truth was pristine.

"Sera," someone said for the fifth time.

I stiffly turned to face my aunt. Her forehead was creased and she looked gravely back at me, grasping my numb fingers between hers.

"Sera, it's alright," she said in a low voice, as if she were trying to calm a terrified animal. "You don't worry about anything. Just… just go upstairs and rest, okay? We'll talk about everything tomorrow. Now you need… now you need to rest."

_That man… He knew unusually much about me, _I suddely realized. _Things only Sebastian should know. And he knew exactly how to control the flow of the conversation and push me into his direction. What a clever mind._

"Miriam, sweetheart. Can you help your cousin to bed? And you go sleep as well, I'll handle the dishes. Take a candle."

_There must be more to it than simply extending a helping hand for a lost comrade's family; I would exaggerate greatly if I said I thought he does something like this on a regular basis. Then again, there has most likely not been many other people set in a similar situation like this. Would he do the same towards any of them? Nevertheless, I should be wary of the commander. He's a very intelligent person and someone I don't know if I should trust._

"How are you holding up?"

Miriam's kind voice woke me from my brooding. We had already gotten to my room, far away from my aunt's prying ears. How she had managed to budge me up the stairs was a mystery.

"Honestly," I replied between gritted teeth, "I don't really know, Miriam."

She gave me a warm smile and sank down on my mattress, placing the thick, dripping candlestick on the coaster on top of my nightstand. "I understand. Anyone would be conflicted about their feelings. You're going, aren't you?"

My eyes involuntarily widened. "How did you know?" I exclaimed as I joined her, too shocked to even bother cloaking up my trembling voice. Not even I had been sure about the answer.

"Well," she began, "when we first met and I forced you to tell me about your past, you seemed happiest when it came to the military. And whenever Sebastian went off on another impossibly crazy titan-story in the bar to impress the girls, you always glared at him with so much jealousy I thought your eyes would fall out of their sockets."

Her latter mentioning made me flinch, not only because she spoke of my brother's name with such ease but because she triggered a deeply buried memory with her words. One I was none to keen to relive.

Regret immediately filled her blue eyes. "Sorry, still too early, huh?"

She wasn't talking about my brother and we both knew it.

"Look, if it's _him_ you're worried about, don't be," she continued reassuringly and patted me on my shoulder. "How long has it been now? Uhm…"

"Almost five years," I said in an instant. She looked at me and I shrugged. "So what, I have a good memory. It's not my fault you can't remember anything."

She scoffed and crossed her arms, her eyes staring defiantly back at mine. "Right. It ain't abnormal at all to remember exactly when it ended with my ex."

I averted my gaze and started rubbing my hands together.

"You never…" started Miriam, suddenly shy. "You never told me which rank you were during the Training Corps. What the commander said was..."

"Surprising?" I proposed, with a quirk of my brow. I was happy she changed subject, but this was starting to get humiliating.

She quickly shook her head.

"No," Miriam said and smiled. "It was just like you. I just wonder, why you never told me that."

I mustered up a faint smile in reply. "I didn't want to brag."

"You know I wouldn't have taken it that way," she said a bit accusingly, but in a playful way. "You're the last person I would ever say is arrogant."

_Wrong, I was very arrogant. Once. _"Yeah, yeah, cut it with the praise." My smile widened. "You're too sweet, cousin. Watch out or I might forbid you to ever leave me for another man," I dramatically added.

She giggled but my own joy abruptly faded and I firmly gripped her hands. "You have to stop being so concerned about me, Miriam," I continued, no longer joking. "I… I was very mean towards you earlier and I apologize for that. It's just…"

A warm body suddenly embraced me. "It's fine. I can't even imagine how hard it was for you to hear… all that. I was paralyzed with fear."

A shiver rolled down my spine. "_He was consumed by titans…"_, I reminisced. _Is that what's going to happen to me as well? Am I also going to be devoured by those hideous creatures—like so many others? _

I started pulling back from Miriam. I wasn't really one for hugs, but this one had really been necessary for the sake of my sanity. My hands were cold but no longer shaking and my heartbeats had gotten in order. I felt human again.

"I have a lot to think about."

She nodded and rose to standing, grabbing the candle as well. "Goodnight, Sera," she said in a gentle tone before she left and closed the door after her.

I exhaled loudly and slumped down on my bed, clumsily peeling off my pants and shoes in the process. I kicked them away into some random corner of the room and slid in beneath my sheets, irritably pulling out the pins that held my hair. I was too tired to visit my mother and promised myself to meet her first thing in the morning—after a shower. But now wasn't the time. Because it wasn't until now, alone in my dark, gloomy room, that I realized how Miriam intentionally had gotten me to talk about easy stuff so I wouldn't be reminded of Sebastian.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. My dignified guise finally crumbled and I wept myself to sleep for the first time in many years. A part of me was happy to finally be able to let go and for an unknown amount of time I didn't really know what exactly I was crying about. Was it my poor, broken mother who would never walk again? My consumed brother? My dead father? Or was it because I was overjoyed to finally be able to go outside the walls? Was it because I wanted to taste the thrill of the titans as well?

But deep inside, an anger boiled and grew stronger with every second I was lying there, every tear I shed. I was furious at everyone, myself included. Everyone was responsible for Sebastians death.

Especially this one person.


	3. Chapter 2: Valediction

**Chapter 2: Valediction  
**

The sky was gradually turning brighter, from a deep shade of blue to a hazy yellow, but it was yet early, way earlier than I was usually comfortable waking up. My head pounded and my eyelids were heavy and crusted with yesterday's dried tears, but there was no way I could go back to bed.

I inhaled the refreshing morning air one last time before I closed the window and headed for my drawer. I had hoped to be able to ventilate my room but noticing how stiff I already was, I decided not to. Sleep deprivation made my movements sluggish and clumsy but I eventually found my green pouch with toiletries and a fresh set of clothes and set off downstairs towards the bathroom with my boots in the other hand. I finished as fast as I could and ignored the burn of the cold water against my skin. For once I was glad that my aunt had stubbornly insisted on installing a "shower" in the house—with the motivation that some clients would be in need for such a service—because not only was it quick and easy to use; I didn't need to step into a horrid bathtub to become clean. The shower had been expensive of course, but manageable… or so I had thought. I anxiously chewed on my lower lip as it dawned upon me how much money Lydia actually had invested in the clinic.

_No wonder you've been paying me so little. You're broke._

I shook my head. The shower and the sweet smell of my soap had cleansed me from my weariness and now sharp-minded, I was ashamed of what I had thought. _No, _I told myself, _you gotta stop being so cynical. Don't go there. Lydia has helped you tremendously during these past years, supporting you both physically and mentally. She deserves all your respect._

I wrapped my hair in a towel and got dressed. The neckline on my blouse was fortunately large enough to fit my now oversized head through and I tucked the unruly fabric beneath my trousers, fastening everything with a belt. I then headed towards the kitchen to hunt for something to eat while kicking into my worn boots. The clock on the wall announced that I had almost two and a half hours until I would meet with Erwin Smith again but only half an hour until Lydia would rise. I wasn't too keen on the latter, considering how she seemed adamant about refusing me the place at the Survey Corps.

_She most definitely won't let me join, _I thought as I swallowed the last of my bread with some water. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew I had to eat if I was going to make it through the rest of the morning. _She'll beg and plead, but it won't help. I will go._

My newly found determination wasn't completely without motivation: a new idea had awoken in my mind sometime during my hysteria. I wasn't going to the Survey Corps because I was depressed over my life or Sebastian's death. I didn't intend to throw my life away, or anyone else's for that matter. But my motives were far from noble.

I exhaled loudly and buried my face into my palms. Tears were dangerously close to escaping my eyes and I bit down a frustrated groan. _Why did you leave me, Sebastian? How could you be so selfish and let yourself die? You promised me… you promised you would always return._

"But where are you now…?" I whispered.

"Sera?"

Exasperated, I raised my chin. Lydia stood at the doorway, properly dressed and kempt. I fleetingly wondered how long she had been standing there observing me before I threw the matter aside. It hardly mattered; her eyes revealed her worry and fear.

"You're up awfully early today," I said and was relieved to hear how calm I sounded.

"Well, I wanted to check on you."

"You thought I was going without saying goodbye."

She flinched. "Y-yes," she stuttered. "Something like that."

I relaxed and approached her. "I would never do that." I placed a hand on her shoulder. It was the closest thing to a hug I could give her. "I'll pack my stuff and check on Mom and Miriam before I head off. You…" I hesitated before finishing the sentence. "Auntie, take care of them."

"Sera, you can't leave," she appealed and took my other hand. "Don't bother about the money, I'll handle everything—"

"It's not about the money," I assured her and then quickly tried to come up with a reliable answer. "It's about doing the right thing," I lied.

Involuntarily, I recalled the fierceness in the commander as he had spoken yesterday. There was no doubt about how wholeheartedly he believed that the Survey Corps were doing the right thing. And even after all these years of constant failure, I hadn't noticed the slightest hint of shame in his icy blue eyes. That could only mean that they were on the actual verge of breakthrough, something so major that not even Sebastian had told me about it. Curiosity had me trapped like a fly in a spider's web; the more I struggled to get away, the more I got tangled up. But that was still not the real reason I wanted to go.

"Not that rubbish! Sera, _it's dangerous out there_." My aunt seemed like she wanted to shake me. Her hands clenched tighter around mine. "Those… _titans_… You're no match against them."

I opened my mouth to angrily protest when she cut me off. "I don't care if you were in the top ten during your trainee years; that was six years ago! You're in no condition to fight anymore! Is it those rumors about that titan-shifter you're so eager to hook onto? That he's 'humanity's savior'? Or are you simply after a death wish? Because I can grant you that _without_ any help from those damned titans!"

I stared incredulously at her, too shocked to do anything else. She seemed as taken aback by her outburst as I was but didn't yield.

"Sera," she said. Her grip was as steady as before but she lowered her gaze, as if her next words were difficult to say. "I just… I just want you safe. The Walls aren't just for show. It's no game out there, I assure you."

"I bet that's what you told your husband as well, huh?"

Her expression froze and I seized the opportunity to speak.

"You always despised the way he would cheat on you with his work," I continued harshly, anger fueling my determination. I knew I oughta keep quiet or take back my words and apologize, but my voice went on. "Mason who always went on and on about how precious the Scouting Legion are and continued to encourage me and my brother as children." I scoffed. "'Humanity's fight for freedom' was everything he sprouted and yet you never once supported him. Did you ever love him for real or was it just a marriage of convenience? Because you needed the safety of his money? Yes, you probably even found it suiting when he finally died to the Titans since you didn't need to spend more precious funds on him and his gear."

Her fist swung towards me but old reflexes triggered and I blocked her assault with an upright stroke of my forearm. With lightning speed, my other hand had already gripped her wrist and I spun her around, tugging her arm in a painful angle as she bashed against the doorway.

"Seems like I remember something from the military after all."

"Get out!" Lydia roared. Her cheeks were flaring with color as she struggled. "You've been nothing but a plight on me, Miriam and this clinic ever since you arrived! Don't bother returning from whatever hellhole you dive into!"

I sighed and released my grip of her. "I hadn't intended to," I replied venomously and darted towards the staircase. I didn't dare look at her. "I'll grab my things and be gone. I promise you." My voice softened. "Just… just take care of Mom for me; I'll send you all the money you need."

She growled something unintelligible in reply and although I was beyond certain it was an insult of some sort, I was in too much of a rush to bother answering. I strode into my room and pulled out a dusty old bag from underneath my bed, rapidly stuffing it with what few belongings I had. There were some clothes of course, but mostly undergarments and a couple of dog-eared books. After some hesitation, I decided to also pack down my journal, my pen set and a tiny painting of my family and me.

I held the wooden frame a couple of inches from my face and scrutinized it. We were so happy on the picture, even though it had been a horribly boring afternoon spent sitting still on a small patch of grass outside the painting studio. It had been a beautiful day, the sun shining its brightest while a soothing wind gently caressed our hot cheeks. My brother and I were leaning against each of our parents with wide grins across our round, childish features and as we were obedient for once, even my father's usually strict lips had cracked into a shy smile while he held his wife's hand lovingly.

There was plenty of space left as I zipped up the bag and flung it over my shoulders, but I was kind of happy I had so little to bring with me from home. I snatched my jacket from the chair by the dask and slipped my arms into the sleeves before I noticed Miriam standing by the door.

I bent over and unwrapped the now damp towel, allowing my hair to escape its prison. "You Seylers are all up awfully early this morning," I said as I noticed she, too, was fully dressed for the day. "And stalking."

"I heard the ruckus downstairs… thought I should wait until it passed before coming to see you." Miriam scratched the side of her neck. "I guess you only said those awful things to get her out of your way, huh?"

"I kinda had to use some self-defense as well."

Her eyes widened and I grimaced. "Lydia was going to punch me," I explained and threw the towel on my bed.

"I see…"

She said nothing more but watched as I was impatiently trying to braid my wet, tangled hair. I got nowhere until she lent me a hand.

"Thanks," I said, breaking the awkward silence between us.

"No worries."

"Miriam…" I could feel how tense she was as she pulled my hair with unnecessary much force. "What is it?"

She let out a loud sigh. "I'm just worried about you."

"I won't die," I replied sternly. _I definitely won't let myself, at least._

"No, it's not that. I know you won't. I'm… afraid you're getting too cold." Miriam stepped away from me. "There, it's done."

I didn't know how to answer because she was right. Shame forced my eyes towards the floorboards as I aimlessly ran a hand across the braid.

"There isn't anything wrong with opening up to others," she carefully went on, taking my silence as a cue to continue. "Nobody will find you weaker of an individual just because you're emotional. You might even find it easier to make some friends that way."

"Do you really think of me as a heartless person?" I asked her with a crooked smile. I attempted to sound playful, but my voice rang empty even in my own ears.

"No, but you rarely convey your emotions into words or expressions. It isn't like you're being false or two-faced, I promise, but you're almost never completely genuine towards people." She paused. "Sometimes even I'm unsure of what you're really feeling when you're talking to me."

My eyes shot upwards, a blunt answer resting on my tongue, but Miriam waved it away and smiled. "There's no need to explain. You've always been like that." Something mischievous suddenly glittered in her eyes. "Except with… you know. Maybe he's really the one…?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, sure."

"You know I'm right," she taunted.

Before I could hurl anything at her, she disappeared out of the room with a giggle. I pressed two fingers against my left temple and gingerly rubbed the muscle in an effort to suppress my increasingly active headache. I hadn't slept well or much at all during the night, and the fatigue was starting to take a toll on my body. After making sure I hadn't forgotten anything worth taking with me, I walked to the bedroom lying furthest down the hall and prepared for my last goodbye.

"Mom?"

I creaked open the door ever so slightly and peeked my head through the slim opening. My eyes found the familiar shape of her body beneath the heavy covers of her bed and I entered the room, careful to close the door gently behind me. The morning light was blocked by thick, blue curtains but a lonely candle illuminated the room in a calming glow, a courtesy I guessed Miriam had provided.

I was as surprised as always when I noticed how much she shivered and pulled another, earlier kicked away layer of blankets over her as I came to sit by her side. Her face was partly hidden beneath a fat pillow but I could see that her frail chin and dry lips pointed towards the wall, away from me.

"Hey, mom, it's me," I whispered and leaned in towards her. "Are you awake?"

I didn't want to rouse her if she was sleeping but at the same time I wasn't willing to leave without telling her of my departure, no matter if she could listen or not. It was a selfish desire but fortunately enough for me, her thin hands moved to push aside the pillow and two tired blue eyes, surrounded with fine wrinkles and dark spots, connected with a similar looking pair.

"I thought I heard you scream," she croaked and anxiously soaked her lips. "Or was it Lydia again? What happened?"

I pretended to be surprised.

"What are you talking about?" I raised my eyebrows and felt myself melt into the kind, compassionate person I always became in her presence. "It was probably just a bad dream again, mom. Nothing to worry yourself."

The tenseness in her jaw faded and she breathed out. "Of course," she mumbled and looked up in the ceiling, her eyes desperately trying to find something to focus on. "Yes, of course. You and Lydia would never shout at each other. You love her."

"Yes I do," I confirmed and gripped her bony hand. My throat tightened but I kept up the facade. "Mom, I came to tell you I'm leaving. Now. And I don't think I'll be coming back, at least for a good while."

"Where you off to?"

Her eyes were still spinning around and I sighed. She wouldn't remember this by the next time she opened her eyes, but I knew I had no choice but to continue since there would be no time to wait for her to fall asleep and then wake up again. But this also gave me the courage to tell her about Sebastian.

"Things are going badly here at the clinic," I began, the truth rolling off my tongue much easier than any of the lies I had told her ever since the doctor initially told me of her delicate state. "And… Sebastian is no longer here to support us. Someone must step up and shoulder that responsibility, and I guess that's me." I felt something wet trickle down my cheek and instantly wiped it away with my jacket sleeve. "Mom… Sebastian died in yesterday's expeditions with the Scouting Legion."

Her expression turned neutral. "I see… what about his body? Where is it?"

More tears fled their harsh confinement and I sniffled while staring at her in confusion. "What do you mean? He was _eaten_."

"No, no, no." She furiously shook her head. "That is impossible."

"I know it might seem hard to accept but—"

"No," she interrupted, her face completely grave. I had never seen her that way and it wasn't the kind of inclined grievousness that would suggest she was in a sort of denial; her gaze was burning with a ferocious determination as she lowered it slowly. "He can't be dead. It's impossible."

Both surprised and deeply worried I tried to make her look at me. "Mom," I said as I touched her cheek. "It was the commander himself who told me that."

"Did he say it with those exact words?"

I frowned, my exasperation overshadowing my grief. "Well, not literally—"

"Then you oughta ask what he really meant." My mother removed my hand from her face and closed her eyes. "I'm tired, honey. Goodbye."

A thousand questions had arisen during her brief frenzy but I understood they would have to wait until another time. I swallowed my tears and rose to blow out the candle before I started off towards the door, leaving her alone and huddling in the dark.

I hurried down the stairs, set on avoiding my aunt, but Miriam bumped into me before I could reach the last step. She held up a green pouch that I recognized in the blink of a second and I forced it down my bag as I thanked her.

"You owe me big time now. What if you hadn't had access to soap, huh? Or a brush?"

I smiled. "It would've been the end of the world."

"Probably." She reflected a grin of her own and gave me a quick hug, dispersing before I had the chance to react. "Well, good luck with this then. And give those titans a good, nice smacking from me too, okay?"

"I will," I replied and led my steps to the front door. My smile had inexplicably widened and horrified with my reaction, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "And in exchange—" I fought back another smirk before I whipped around "—take care of everyone for me. Yourself included."

Miriam nodded eagerly. "Don't worry about us. We'll handle."

I nodded back at her and as I passed the kitchen, my eyes steered towards the clock. There was still more than an hour left to go but I didn't want to stay even a second longer. My heart accelerated in pace as I put more and more distance between myself and the place I had so reluctantly but lovingly called my home for the last six years. I felt alleviated. _Free_. Excitement clouded my sorrow and the actual reason to why this was possible, but I mostly focused on my mother had said. It had struck a chord inside of me, that she as well as the commander obviously knew something about Sebastian that I didn't, and I was definitely going to find out what they were hiding. Likewise I decided to treat Miriam's concern about my disposition and social capabilities as something reasonable; I would try to be truer to both myself and others from now on.

I inhaled the fresh morning air with a grin. It had never felt sweeter to be thrown out.


	4. Chapter 3: Delicate Doubts

**Chapter 3: Delicate Doubts  
**

The streets were mostly empty, hinting only a couple of haggard animals or a keen shop owner who wanted to start business early. I strode forward confidently, my boots thudding softly against the cobblestone, but my tempo slowed rather quickly as I didn't want stay too ahead of the meeting. Being well in time was a trait I had inherited from my father and something I was proud to present whenever possible—especially in front of my new employer and commander—but an hour was more than enough to make it early.

It wasn't until my legs finally reclined into a casual stroll that I realized how tired I was. I hadn't exercised even nearly as much as I had done during my military training or even before and my muscles were most likely weary and out of shape. For a second I foolishly freaked out and wondered if I would fit into a 3DMG harness again, but then I remembered how easily adaptable the straps were and exhaled. When I passed the next shop I examined my reflection in the windows and decided that my body shape had stayed almost the same; I was neither too skinny nor too thick, but I had definitely lost some strength.

I pressed my lips together and continued to walk. _Will I even be able to use the Maneuvering Gear again? What if I've forgotten how to control it? I don't want to embarrass myself and fly into a tree, or worse—what if I don't know how to get into it? Or clean it properly? Isn't maintenance equally important as usage prowess?  
_

I was closing in on my final destination. After I turned around the corner of a salon I found myself at the western gate, the only way into Wall Rose from Karanese. A couple of male soldiers equipped with both 3DMGs and rifles lazily scanned me head to toe and paused their chatting. Seeing I was no threat they returned to whatever heated argument it was turning into and I sunk down on an empty bench outside a nearby tavern.

_Imagine, five years ago there were rarely any guards of either the Garrison or the Military Police Brigade who carried their Maneuvering Gear_, I mused in bitter amusement as I placed my bag next to me. _Even here in Karanese it was considered normal to be without those. But though I used to despise them for giving up the most essential part of their lifestyle, I can't help but to think how much I'd rather be spitting over their weakness than to see them trot around in those. Because it's a harsh and constant reminder how easily humanity's foothold shifted with only the strength of two—albeit strange—titans._

I sighed and leaned my head backwards against the tavern wall. _The economy has simply gone worse with each year, sinking into catastrophic measures ever since Wall Maria fell. I can barely believe there's titans directly outside the walls right now, pounding on the gates to be let in and consume us for no particular reason at all. It could be just for fun for all we know._

My stomach churned in disgust. I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else but the vivid scenery of a titan grabbing hold of my brother's body and clenching it lifeless before it threw him into its disproportionately large mouth… and I must have fallen asleep somewhere along my thoughts because suddenly, a warm touch carefully shook me back to reality.

I peeled open my eyelids and found myself staring at an equally startled, blue gaze. I blinked a couple of times, more than sure that I recognized him, although it wasn't until I quickly took in the proud emblem on his jacket that I reacted.

"Mr—No, Commander Smith," I blurted in shock and abruptly rose to salute.

The rapid movement threw me off balance, but he reacted quickly and steadied my reeling body with one firm hand on my shoulder and the other around my flaying arm.

"Well, close call," he commented when I stopped swaying, releasing his grip of me.

"Ah," was all I could muster, afraid that he would see the blazing hot proof of my embarrassment on my cheeks. "Sorry, sir. This is a horrible second impression. I was—_am_ just really tired."

"Understandable. We all mourn our fallen, some longer than others."

I simply nodded, still too humiliated with what could be only compared to as my drunken jests to speak. I also tried to ignore the fact that this was the first time in many years a man had held me, but a longing ache stirred within me and I balled my hands into fists.

"Wait here."

My eyes were averted to the ground and so I didn't notice the large animal until it was directly in front of me.

"Do you remember how to ride a horse?"

At this I looked up and saw the commander hand me the reins of a large, brown mare. I must have looked puzzled but apparently not for the right reason, because he craned a thumb backwards, towards a small party of riders waiting beneath the gate. I was immediately relieved to know we weren't going to proceed with the journey alone, but I was also concerned about how far we were going if we needed horses and what would surely be an armed escort. But then, he _was_ the commander of the Survey Corps, one of the most influential and perhaps disliked person within the walls. It would be pure idiocy for him to travel alone even through a small village.

"There's a horse for me waiting there." If I hadn't known better I could have sworn he sounded amused. "Your answer, Miss Berninger?"

I grabbed my bag and took the reins from him, swinging up into the saddle with surprisingly little effort. My self-assurance returned to me and since I believed my actions had spoken louder than any words could, I was able to no longer blushingly reply, "It's Sera, sir."

"Sera, then."

When we then approached the entourage in silence, I saw that my earlier guess had been accurate. On each side of their hips hung the large devices I had seen on Sebastian so many times before, concealed only partly by their forest-green capes. Sure I had seen the 3DMGs on many and in different occasions before, but there was something different with the way the members of the Survey Corps carried their gear. Perhaps it was simply my trained sight that pointed out who was and wasn't skilled with the devices and my opinions of them varied after that, or that my judgment was clouded due to personal feelings, but nonetheless I respected no other soldier as much as I respected those wearing the Wings of Freedom. I saw the Garrison guards send them condescending looks and gossip despite their proximity, but my own features must have been gaping in awe. Mentally, at least.

In the corner of my eye, I fleetingly noted that the commander was without his gear before I at last realized that everyone in his squad was observing me.

Some shamelessly stared wide-eyed at me, not even bothering to hide their confusion and surprise, while some gave me a hasty overview before turning their gazes straight. Nobody said anything, which I didn't know whether to take appreciatively or guardedly and for a moment I wondered if someone had painted something on my face. But before I had the chance to take a look in a window, the commander got onto a horse himself and signaled for us to follow his lead. He gave me specific orders to stay close to him at all times, and without any further elaboration or ado we finally set off into Wall Rose, away from Karanese—and my home.

* * *

We rode mostly in silence, keeping up a high but steady pace, with Erwin's voice now and then calling in which direction to go. Initially we rode on broad, well-attended roads bordered with villages or farms, constantly meeting other travelers or local residents on foot. But as time passed, we steered away from civilization and journeyed through breathtaking scenery with fields of grass or grain stretching as far as my vision could reach. Or well, until the walls blocked them. Wall Rose was still clearly visible over my left shoulder as it towered high towards the sky and in the distance, to the west and when a tree or a hill wasn't in the way, I could sometimes discern what I thought was Wall Sina. Curious to know where we were headed, I used what orientation skill I possessed and drew a mental map of the three walls. With its help, I almost instantly saw that we were heading south, towards Trost.

Where I had been born.

Another hour slipped by and although it was beautiful wherever I looked, my heart joyous to be away, I could only be distracted for so long. We pushed the horses hard and I grew both restless and nervous where I sat on the powerful animal, feeling as if she was simply following her kine instead of obeying my rare, awkward pulling with the reins. I was glad, though, that the horse was a better rider than me, because I was having my hands full just trying to remain in the saddle.

At the third hour, it was called to a halt. We were at an adequately sized resting spot not too far away from the pathway, with thick vegetation surrounding us from all directions. I saw no animals but I could hear the loud chirping from excited forest birds and the gleeful sound of a small brook. Erwin dismounted, his legs steady as his feet connected with the ground and I saw that everyone else was mimicking his action with ease. I, on the other hand, was unfortunately not too keen to get off the safety of my horse.

The commander's eyes landed on me as he patted his mount on the neck.

"We need to let the horses rest for a bit," he said in a casual tone. He didn't seem exerted at all. "There's still a good bit of the journey left and they need some water."

I immediately felt the gazes of the others on me and I forced myself to smile. "Yeah, I know," I waved him off. I was sweaty, exhausted and stiff all over. "I'm just not as quick as the rest of you are. Let me have a… minute."

His eyes lighted with understanding. "Do you require assistance?"

I shook my head. _That would be neither appropriate nor right_, a little voice whispered in the back of my head.

Praying I would make it without losing my face, I decided to slid off the saddle as slowly as I could. My right foot was tiptoeing on the ground when I released my stiff grip of the saddlebow and unhooked my other foot from the stirrup.

And I stood.

Only, my wobbly limbs betrayed me.

I panicked and grabbed at the saddle again when someone supported me. One hand between my shoulder blades and one beneath my left forearm helped me straighten until I could stand properly and independently again. I was disgusted with my weakness and suddenly, it didn't seem too far-fetched to believe I wouldn't be able to use the 3DMG again.

"I didn't take your physical condition into consideration," the commander stated a bit apologetically. "There's no reason to be ashamed," he went on when I remained quiet. "It's only natural it takes a while to remember everything, especially for your body. It should remember everything eventually, I'm certain."

At this my eyes widened and I turned my face towards him. _Had he read my mind?_

He patted me reassuringly and gave me a brief smile before leaving to tend to other matters and direct orders. I shifted uncomfortably beneath the weight of the rest of the party's gazes as I began unsaddling my patient horse, together with my bag of belongings. Careful not to dirty the fine leather, I placed it on a flat rock before returning to my yet very still and obedient mount, and rewarded her by leading her to the stream a couple of yards away from the resting spot. She seemed easy enough to satisfy as she greedily slurped the cold water; I was worried about the soldiers.

I absent-mindedly stroked her large back. _I wonder what they think of me… _I snorted. _Or that's probably rather obvious. I'm a clumsy fool. What they must truly wonder is why I'm here. _

Sighing, I glanced over my shoulder. A trio that was most likely standing guard chatted vividly and with large gestures, their faces aimed towards where we had come from, while two soldiers were stretching their hips, having removed their gear, and another pair was checking on the group's horses by the water as they shared some bread. The commander was perched on an old stump, deeply concentrated on a document he held and although I knew he would be polite enough to make conversation, I didn't want to disturb.

_If it's already this hard making new acquaintances, I wonder how impossibly difficult it'll be later on, _I brooded morosely as I turned back towards the water. My stomach growled and I pressed a cold hand to it. _This is getting overwhelming. First chance I get, I'll check to see if I'm still capable of managing the Maneuvering Gear so I can get that ugly thought out of my head for good. __If I make it then perfect. I will have __proven that I'm not as hopeless as I've been contradicted twice now, which might be able to win me some respect… and perhaps a friend or two._

I paled. Another thought struck me and even though I tried to push it away, I felt my doubt rise.

_But if I don't make it...  
_

Erwin called. It was time to move along. I gathered my gloomy thoughts and returned to the group, ready for another couple of hours on horseback.


	5. Chapter 4: Harsh Reunions

**Chapter 4: Harsh Reunions**

The wide dirt road parted and narrowed as our course led us to a vast forest. The sun had passed zenith two hours ago and my body was thoroughly spent. Far to the southwest I spotted the Gate of Trost and the town surrounding it before my view was replaced with a layer of thick, low-hanging canopy. A merciful gift, as I was boiling in the summer heat. Around me the wildlife was thriving and energetic, revitalizing to my bored eyes and ears and enough to attract my chill interest, but a heavy pain tugged at my heart as I involuntarily recalled the evening two months ago when my aunt had announced the reports from Trost.

I shoved the thought into the deepest part of my brain and bit down on my lower lip, this time without any interference from my horse's rickety movements. Wasting time to ponder over the alarmingly high death rate in my family was hardly going to help, considering where my future was currently heading. I just had to forget the past, somehow.

_You're going to break every bone in your body while trying to use the Maneuvering Gear. Have fun explaining that to Lydia and Miriam._

I clenched my reins. _Shut it. I'll make it for sure._

The sinister voice quieted but my stomach didn't. Neither did my back, shoulders, feet—every inch of my body was rioting. I wasn't one to easily give up but if we weren't going to reach our final destination soon, I would, without doubt, fall off. The reason I bit back any complaints or inquiries to when we were arriving was because I noticed how the party's mood had lifted as soon as we entered the woods, and increased the further we advanced into the forest. They were talking about casual matters as well as cracking a joke or two, and even the commander afforded to smile. It amazed me how relaxed they were on their horses; but then, they had been doing this way longer than. Having luckily persevered all these hours with no damage other than sore muscles was all thanks to my faithful mount.

Half an hour passed and I was just growing restless again when there was a hill, quick hooves handling the rocky path with ease, and we finally emerged from the forest realm. I forgot my weariness as I regarded the center of the clearing in awe.

Because in front of me stood a _humongous_ stone castle. An absolutely enormous architectural wonder consisting of high walls and large extensions, black roof tiles and gray stone, dark windows and slender chimneys, empty arrowslits and well-reinforced battlements. The gatehouse fashioned a heavy wooden door and tall towers erected from the edifice in many. Vines and similar weed stubbornly clung to the foot of the fortress, but they were undermined and kept at bay. A quick overview gave me the impression that the building had been recently established, perhaps with only a decade or two on its neck, but as we drew nearer I saw that it was very old. What had fooled me was the fresh look on some parts of the stone construction; I noted that the castle's immense size must have been the result of aggressive expansion over the years. With that I could no longer put an age to it, but it was impressive nonetheless.

The commander came to a slow halt as we gathered outside the closed gate. A couple of voices from above shouted orders and soon we were allowed inside a wide courtyard by two soldiers, both wearing the symbol of the Survey Corps. I saw a vacant stable, a well and several entryways to the different parts of the castle, one being much larger than the gate we had entered. Examining the massive wooden gate, my best guess was that it was the main entrance. For some reason, we had made it in through the back.

The courtyard was deserted of people and the soldiers who immediately closed the doors behind us were most likely the only ones present. It was understandable; many of the Survey Corps liked to visit their families every once in a while and since the expedition through Karanese had seemed to gone even worse than normal—according to the Garrison guards this morning—the voidness was expected… and awfully reminding.

I shook away the dark clouds of depression and focused on what was happening around me. The new faces saluted and gave my traveling companions tender gazes and happy greetings but they, too, were instantly suspicious of me, seeing I was without both uniform and gear. I wanted to sigh in annoyance but refrained.

"Erwin!"

My head whipped around. Another pair of soldiers hurried down a flight of stone stairs from almost behind us, their jackets revealing them to belong to the same military branch as my party. I fleetingly acknowledged that everyone present were of the Survey Corps before focusing on the approaching members. I recognized them, but couldn't really put my finger on when and where I had seen them before.

The person who had called the commander directly by first name was an average-sized woman with auburn hair and squarely-shaped spectacles, a wide smile lighting up her otherwise rather serious features. The man falling slightly behind her was noticeably taller, with blond hair and a slight beard, issuing a calm expression on his dull visage. Neither of them carried any gear.

Erwin got off his horse and immediately, his entourage did the same. In the corner of my eye I saw some unsteady legs and grimaces, and I was content to know I wasn't alone to suffer side effects from the strenuous journey. A soldier took the commander's horse and Erwin thanked him before meeting up with the somehow familiar faces. He mumbled something inaudible to them, his lips moving fast but only barely, and they glanced at me before looking back at Erwin. Feeling uncomfortable again, I inched down the saddle and shakily breached the ground just in time for introductions.

"Sera."

I grabbed my bag as the commander, followed by the auburn-haired woman and the now very towering man, neared me. He gestured at the two in order. "This is Hange Zoë and Mike Zacharius, two of my squad leaders."

_Of course_, I thought as I bluntly saluted and replied with the proper words. _I've seen and heard about them countless of times, whether it be through Sebastian, the gossip of the street or even the newspapers. They're amazing soldiers, amongst the absolute best. But why are they here? And if they are, is _he—

"Nice to meet you, Sera!"

Hange Zoë promptly grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously. Her strength impressed me; she didn't look too physically capable. I opened my mouth to politely ask her not to rip my arm off, but she was quicker.

"Ah, I've heard so much good about you," she went on, cutting of my chance to reply. "You know, I never thought you were actually real and even though we've just met it feels like I already know you too well! This feels like a reunion!"

"Right…" I said, feeling extremely awkward. I had no idea what she was going on about. "Nice to meet you too… Squad Leader Zoë."

Her brown eyes widened but her grip hardened. "So polite! Just call me Hange. Your brother always did."

I suddenly grasped the contents of her earlier ramblings.

"You're gonna dislocate her arm or possibly the bones in her hand if you continue," a voice kindly reminded my assailant. Hange instantly broke free and gave a short laugh.

"Sorry," she apologized sheepishly.

"It's a-alright," I stuttered and gave the other squad leader a thankful nod before turning back towards the eccentric woman. "You… you were a friend of his?"

Her smile faded away. "Of course, amongst the very best. Told me practically everything about you." She hesitated. "He… he was a very happy soul. As annoying as he could be, it was difficult _not_ to like him. Impossible, quite frankly."

_Not exactly a trait we share_. "Sounds like him," I quietly replied as I tried to remember if Sebastian had ever mentioned Hange before. I didn't think so. I knew of her, that was for sure, and meeting her in person only confirmed that the rumors of her… outgoing personality weren't being exaggerated. She was odd, but seemed nice. The same could not be said for Mike Zacharius, who abruptly leaned down towards me and _sniffed_ my hair. It was beyond embarrassing as he then straightened and gave out a chuckle. I knew I was glaring at him, flustered and desperate for a wash, but I was too startled to make amends.

"Mike, I need to speak to you about some matters."

He left my personal space as soon as Erwin spoke and didn't even bother to look at me again. The commander locked gazes with Hange and wordless communication flowed between the two before he said, "Hange, could you help Sera settle? She'll be staying with us from now on."

"Of course."

She answered confidently, but her jaw was tense.

"Good. Find me later."

Erwin started away from us, with Mike matching his long purposeful strides, and left me without even saying goodbye.

"Let's go find everything you need."

I realized I had been staring after the commander and quickly turned back to Hange. She had carefully reassembled her emotions and was now giving me a friendly smile. I guessed she would simply deal with me the best way she could for now and patiently wait until Erwin shared all the details of my strange presence in private.

"I should probably tend to my godsend of a mount before we do anything…" My voice trailed away as I looked about and saw that not only mine but all of the horses had already been taken well care of; they were being led into the stables by the soldiers that had escorted me and Erwin.

"Already done. Come with me."

I obeyed and sprinted to her side. Hange led me across the courtyard and into the southern part of the castle, unlocking a door that lead to a spacious and cool hallway. There were no windows but our only source of light was a long trail of lanterns dangling from the arched stone ceiling. Nine doors greeted us, eight of them set deeply within the stone walls and opposite to each other over the path while the ninth waited at the far end of the hall. The air smelled of dust but the floor was surprisingly clean.

"This is where we store gear, old documents and the like. Only us squad leaders have access to this place on a regular basis, so if you ever need to return just talk to one of us about it beforehand and we'll lend you the key."

Hange somehow managed to jump and unhook the lantern from its spot high above the first pair of doors and opened the one to our left. She told me to hold it ajar as she went inside the darkness, swinging the light source in front of her. The room was much larger than I had initially thought; Hange continued searching for a good long minute, peeking beneath dusty old cloths and checking large boxes, but soon she vanished behind a shelf and made a whole lot of noise before she returned to the hallway carrying a gigantic, gray suitcase in her left hand and the lantern in the other. She handed the former to me before she leaped up to return the lantern. It wasn't as heavy as it looked but I still grimaced at its weight.

"There," she said as she brushed off something from her shoulder. Her eyes were glittering with excitement. "Your Maneuvering Gear. Full with blades and fresh gas containers. There should be a maintenance kit in there as well."

My heart started pounding almost painfully as I looked down at my load. I wanted to tear apart the suitcase, pull on the harness and then the device itself and run back to the courtyard to try it out, but I knew better. I was beyond tired now even though I couldn't really feel it; my body was running purely on adrenaline. Attempting such an extreme physical activity would surely push me past my limits and break me.

"Thank you, Hange," I said genuinely as my eyes met hers.

"Hmm…? No need to thank me for that," she replied although she sounded pleased. "Close the door firmly will you?"

I did what she said and then followed her down the rows of doors. She stopped at the third pair and repeated the same process as before, but this time she emerged with a uniform.

"This oughta be your size…" Hange began as she held up the easily recognizable jacket in her right hand, dangerously close to the lantern that swayed freely on her wrist. "And these too." She brandished a pair of dark, knee-high boots in her left hand. "And the cape shouldn't be a problem." The green material was swept over the same arm.

My throat tightened. "Thank you," I repeated. "Thank you so much."

Hange grinned widely but her expression quickly changed when she saw my tears.

"Hey, it's alright," she comforted as I diverted from her view, desperate to hide my face. "I miss him too."

I wiped my cheeks. "No—I mean, _yes_, but… I just got some dust in the eye," I lied.

She said nothing of it. I heard her jump again and the light flickered above our heads.

"We're done here," she said softly. "I'll carry the things. It's time you have a break."

I didn't protest. I followed her through the hall and we exited in the other end, entering a small courtyard leading to two other doors. There was another well here and I was tempted to pause and drink, but Hange seemed determined to keep on going and we trudged through another part of the castle. My tears were fought back as my eyes wanted to explore.

"This is the southern residential wing," Hange explained and then pointed at some of the doors we passed. "Laundry; you'll have to fix your own clothes. The toilets; the left door for women, the right door for men. The showers; same rule as the toilets. Here you'll also find a kitchen and a dining hall."

The kitchen had no door and I caught sight of a stove, several counters, some cupboards and a table with chairs for six. Everything was frugally decorated and mainly made sturdy and long-lasting, but it was fresh and clean—more than I could say about my aunt's kitchen. The dining hall hid—much as many other rooms in this castle, it seems—behind an unfriendly-looking wooden door. There were windows here, and the soft breeze was calming against my skin.

My question must have been evident on my face because Hange continued to elaborate. We headed up a staircase, ignoring the last closed door in the corridor.

"Of course, not the whole castle is being used, only the southern and the northern part where we've established a somewhat functional water and sewer system as of late. We haven't really used this place for a long time due to just those problems, so don't use up too much water. Anyways, I guess you've heard about the 'titan-shifter'?"

She glanced at me and I nodded. I didn't trust my voice.

"He's the reason why we're here." I understood the "we" she said meant the Survey Corps. "Actually, he's in the infirmary downstairs. You saw the door to the left of the stairs, right?"

My curiosity awoke and I swallowed hard. We reached the upper floor. "He's just below?" I asked, eyebrows raised. "What is he doing there?"

"He's suffered some severe damage and due to his… _condition_, he must stay here where his squad leader can supervise him." Hange answered and led me to a room, opening it for me. "The rest of the wounded are currently in Karanese where more hands can tend to them. The expedition yesterday… didn't go too well."

_Don't talk about it._

I dragged myself after her and sunk down on an armchair, examining what would be my new home. The walls were of stone and the floor and ceiling were made of the same dark wood, similar as the door. There was a single bed in the left corner of the room with thin, white sheets and a matching pillow, next to a short, empty nightstand and the armchair I was perched upon. A wardrobe leaned against the wall by the door, opposite to the bed, and a worn desk and chair bathed in the sunlight from the naked window behind me.

I liked it. It was roomy and the furnishing was simple in design. Cleaning wouldn't be an issue and the desk was an unexpected perk.

"So…"

My attention returned to Hange. She smiled again but this time it carried a strictly polite nature, immediately causing me to be on my guard.

"What are you doing here, if you don't mind me asking?" She dropped the suitcase by the door and sat down on my bed, placing the uniform parts next to her. "I thought you were a normal civilian."

Her voice was bright and easy-going, but there was no doubt she meant serious. I rubbed my hands together and leaned back into the seat.

"The commander offered me a place as a medical officer in the Survey Corps," I replied curtly, cooling at her question. She would find out sooner or later, but I didn't want to say too much. "I need the money to sustain my family. That is all."

"Ah, I see. Do you have any military training?"

I nodded. This was easy to answer. "Yes, I went all three years but quit before it was time to pick a branch."

"Why did you leave?" Something dark flashed in her brown eyes. "Did you fail the top ten and by that your dream to enter the Military Police?"

The playfulness gone, she boldly met my frown with a steady gaze and intertwined her fingers beneath her chin. Her words weren't harsh or judging, but there was an edge to them. I was happy to prove her statement wrong.

"No," I answered and soaked my lips. "A fire took my father and permanently crippled my mother some days before the choosing ceremony. I left the military to take care of her at my aunt's clinic in Karanese, leaving my home and relatives in Trost, while my brother sustained us with what money he made in the military."

I hadn't realized how my voice had gradually turned hostile. Hange seemed surprised but she gathered herself in an instant.

"I'm sorry," she said.

I shook my head and decided to change subject. This was a bit too close to heart, especially with someone I had just met.

I cleared my throat. "So, when can I begin?"

She stared incredulously at me.

"Uhm… don't you want to rest?" she cautiously inquired. "Take a shower? Change clothes? Eat?"

"The latter three for sure," I agreed with a weak smile. "But after that, I better start working. I don't want to stay idle for the rest of the day. Free time and me doesn't go along well."

What I really meant was of course that I needed to keep myself distracted or I wouldn't be able to resist the 3DMG any longer. But Hange didn't need to hear my crazy tone.

She pressed her lips together, silently contemplating her options, before she replied. "Well, you are the only medical officer available now. And as much as I trust Mikasa's bandaging skill, someone experienced oughta check on Eren as well…"

"Mikasa? Eren?"

"Mikasa is a friend of Eren, who you most likely know as the titan-shifter."

"Didn't you say he was wounded?"

Hange chuckled and the tense atmosphere lifted. "Eager to see Eren?"

"I would be a liar if I said I wasn't," I admitted. "But that's not the main reason. I'm just a bit sore; I'm fully capable of tending to others. How bad is he? Does he need any medical attention?"

"A brief survey would be nice, but don't push yourself too hard." She rose. "I take it you remember how to find around here?"

I gave her a nod. "Yes, thank you for… everything."

Hange gave me a final smile before she left and closed the door behind her. I exhaled as I stood to stretch my arms and legs and when they didn't pop out of their sockets, I decided that I was good enough to go. My limbs still protested when I moved but I felt strangely renewed and too thrilled to lie down. So even though I knew I would regret my decision tomorrow morning, I hung my jacket over the chair, unpacked my belongings and assembled a new set of clothes to change into. I didn't dare look at the suitcase, afraid that I would find it too alluring to stay away from, and simply focused on my task. The painting of my family found its place on the desk together with my journal and pens, and my tiny collection of clothes was neatly arranged into the closet together with my bag. I also found some towels there and grabbed one before I seized my fresh clothes and went downstairs to the showers. My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything in over seven hours, but I ignored its desperate calls for nutrition and busied myself with keeping my hair from getting wet. I finished up quickly and changed—fitting myself into the Survey Corps jacket and my new boots. Though I wanted to try on the cape, it was an unnecessary accessory indoors and would have to obediently wait in my wardrobe until I found a proper chance to wear it.

_Sebastian, if only you could see me now_, I excitedly thought as I hurried back into my room and threw my discarded clothes onto the armchair before leading my feet down the staircase again. _I haven't been this overjoyed since… a very long time ago. I had almost forgotten the feeling._

I aimed my strides towards the infirmary, my heart positively drumming out of my chest. As I entered, a familiar scene greeted me; there were tall cupboards and shelves stacked with branded bottles and bandages covering the eastern wall, simple beds and nightstands with tiny wastebins settled into organized rows across the rest of the room and white, currently bundled up drapery that could be used to make privacy amongst the beds. Although the room was about six times larger than mine and four widely opened windows let in sunshine and fresh air, I could still smell the characteristic scent of blood-soaked dressing and old disinfectant.

What surprised me wasn't the fact that the only occupied bed there contained someone who was much younger than me, meaning that the titan-shifter was nothing but a boy. A recruit. I absorbed that piece of information in an instant as well as the startled gazes he and his friends—they, too, had barely grown up—shared when I burst into view. It was the incredibly cold, dagger-like stare from a pair of silver gray eyes I had never really been able to forget that completely threw me off guard.

I wanted nothing more than to just disappear right on the spot. Vanish, vaporize or the old cliche: force the earth to reveal a merciful hole I could fall into and seal after me. I had never understood how perfect the comparison was until now. I was too embarrassed, shocked, content and furious to even have the decency to blush as I stared at him. My thoughts and emotions swirled, tumbled and mingled drunkenly in my mind. _Am I angry or delighted to see him again? Should I be either? Is _he _angry or delighted to see me again? Is he surprised to see me? Why didn't he come to tell me about Sebastian? What is he doing here? What am I doing here? _

Even though I wanted to, I knew I couldn't just run away like the child inside of me wanted. Before I could act on my immature impulses—_Get away! Hide! Scream!_—I gathered myself. I was not going to let him corrupt my reputation and position at the Survey Corps and in all honesty, my _sanity_, for any longer. But in order to do that, I couldn't avoid him anymore. That was a crucial fact.

My lips parted in a stiff smile as recognition finally lighted his widening eyes.

"Hey, Levi."


	6. Chapter 5: Reminiscence

**Chapter 5: Reminiscence**

_"Just—Sera! Get yourself together! Do you want to give up everything for this one lad?"_

_I crammed down my journal into my bag and zipped it up, hurrying past my aunt. Our shoulders collided and she managed to grab my wrist but I forcefully nudged it forward, away from her reach. I glowered at Miriam who was standing passively in the doorway to her room and directed a reproachful finger at her._

_"How dare you tell her?" I hissed. "How dare you come to that conclusion?"_

_"The world isn't about you!" shouted Lydia angrily. "Leave Miriam out of it, she only did what was right. That man is evidently not good for you! Just leave him already and stop this madness!"_

_"You don't know him like I do," I yelled, tears of frustration rolling down my cheeks. I furiously wiped them away with the hem of my sweater as I almost tumbled down the staircase, giving Miriam one last venomous glare. "He's not a bad man, Auntie, if you would only realize. He's always only wanted what's best for me." I swallowed. "What happened was just a misunderstanding, I'm sure he has an understandable explanation and I'm going to him to find out."_

_I heard a loud exhale. "Can't you at least wait until tomorrow?" came her suddenly worried, soft answer. I huffed at her tactics. They weren't going to work on me this time. "It's late and the weather is horrid. I beg of you to take it slow, Sera!"_

_"No!" I screamed hoarsely. "I can't stand a single more second in this prison. I'm moving out! I can't stand either you, Miriam or mom anymore, you damned stupid, paranoid, pathetic idiots! I never want to see you again!"_

_Lydia managed to catch me in the hallway and spun me around. Her gray eyes were sad and disappointed, but very much understanding._

_"You love him, don't you?"_

_I froze and my jaw dropped. Her words came at me like a sudden punch in my stomach. I hadn't even realized the truth myself, and it came oddly like a relief when someone finally said it._

_"Sera, please be reasonable," she continued heatedly, obviously misinterpreting my daze as if I were listening to her. "You're only _seventeen_. Don't throw away your future on someone like him. He's not worth it. Hell, nobody is worth your life."_

_Her eyes filled with tears and her grip weakened. I escaped her and, without a reply, rushed out into the heavy rain. I could barely see but I didn't need to; my feet remembered the way._

* * *

"L-L-Levi?"

He said nothing but continued glaring at me, his face quickly recomposing into a perfect guise of cool indifference. Only his sharp gaze conveyed any emotions—bitterness, anger and shock—before it, too, came under his cold decor. I managed to tear my accusing eyes away of him and turned my attention towards the boy who had been brave enough to break the silence. His kind voice matched an equally sweet face and large blue eyes darted rapidly from me to Levi in an effort to put together the puzzle that was us. He looked so innocent I felt a strange, almost motherly care for him and worry rose in my chest as I noticed the thin layer of bandage wrapped around his golden head, although it didn't seem to bother him.

"It's 'Lance Corporal', brat," Levi spat. If it was to me or the pretty blonde I didn't know, but his next words were obviously aimed for me. "And what the hell are _you_ doing here here?"

The amount of venom in his voice was palpable. I could feel it permeate and souring my mood, and my smile wavered.

"I would like to ask you the same," I replied with an innocent voice. "As for my presence; I'm now a Medical Officer of the Survey Corps. Can't you see the emblem on my jacket from up there?"

He snorted and folded his arms over his chest. I cursed myself for immediately starting to admire his strong physique and how it moved underneath the fabric of his blue T-shirt. "I'm here because Shitty-Glasses told me there finally was someone with advanced medical experience around. You don't happen to know where he or she might be?"

I raised my eyebrows. _That was a low hit. But then, what else should I expect from such a short guy?_ "What, did you hurt yourself?" I wondered, my eyes rounding. "Got some dirt on your nose? I can solve that with a couple of counseling sessions, if you'd like."

He was boiling. I could feel it even as I stood five yards away from him. But as annoyed as he was at me, I was at least ten times more irritated with myself. I hadn't meant for the conversation to take such a quick turn into a competition of who could throw the cleverest insults. It was disappointing and utterly humiliating to be reminded how much influence he had over me.

My gaze veered towards our audience and I hurried to reconstruct a smile on my face. None of them were wearing either gear or uniform, not even Levi, and they watched me from across the occupied bed as if I were crazy.

"My name is Seraphina Berninger, but you can call me Sera," I said in a friendly tone. "Nice to meet you all."

They were still staring at me like I had cut off my hand and used it to wave at them.

"_Sera_?"

Terror made his voice quiver. The boy in the sickbed groaned and grabbed at his dressed head, his body slumping. Hands immediately flew to his side and an attractive girl with exotic features and raven, chin-length hair tried her best to push him down on the bed, but the boy brusquely shoved her away and straightened. Stunning green eyes met mine and his brown brows furrowed.

"You look so similar…" he whispered.

I paled but before I had a chance to answer, he slammed a fist into the mattress. "I'm so sorry. I… I could have saved him."

"Don't blame yourself, Eren. Nobody knows what could have happened. You did your best," said the girl comfortingly. Her dark eyes were sad but I didn't think it was because she had been rejected; she seemed genuinely sad for her friend's sake. "I should have been there with you, maybe—"

"Mikasa, it wasn't _your_ fault!" blurted a slender guy with light ash-brown hair behind her. He had been keeping his distance from the other recruits but suddenly stepped forward. His brown eyes were hard but looked at the girl with tender care. "You always—"

"Jean, don't get involved."

"But it wasn't your fault! Just because Jaeger—"

"Shut up, both of you!"

The boy with the emerald eyes hid his face in the palm of his left hand but failed to conceal his bitter grimace. His cruel words had been laced with the unmistakable whimper of a person who was battling against his traitorous tears—and losing. I felt empathy for his curled shape but the reasoning for my next action carried a different agenda.

_I… I could have saved him._

I hesitated in my choice but then decided that I didn't want anyone to listen to what I was going to ask him. It was hard enough to not shout at him right on the spot; I didn't want people to look at me as I broke down. The girl I presumed was Mikasa tried to reach her friend with quiet murmurs and so did the blonde. I quickly formulated a reasonable explanation and approached him.

"He needs some rest," I announced and tried not to hurry my steps as I squeezed past the slim passage between a deadpanned Levi and the end of a vacant bed. The familiar scent of him—he still used the same aftershave after all these years—sneaked up on me like a knife in the back and I temporarily forgot what I was doing. "Ehm… I-I must ask you to all to leave. Now," I added as the girl glared at me.

"I won't go anywhere," she replied sternly.

"Please," I pleaded carefully, "he won't get better with all of you breathing down his neck. You also need some rest. I reckon all of you were a part of the expedition yesterday?"

She nodded.

"Then I don't want to hear anything more about it," I concluded as I reached the bed. Its sole inhabitant was still covering his face. "Are you going to continue offend a higher-ranking soldier or do what's most beneficial to everyone, including yourself?"

A feral-like fury overcame her features and her sitting form tensed. For a moment I thought she would leap on me, but she restrained herself when the golden-haired boy placed a hand on her shoulder.

"She's right, Mikasa, we'll only be in the way for now." he said and briefly regarded me. "We've been here long enough. I'm getting pretty hungry and I think you are as well."

_So am I._ "Your friend will stay right here," I assured her, still feeling strangely intimidated by the girl. "You can come visit later tonight. "

Her dark eyes gave me one final look before she rose from the small stool closest to the bed. I didn't bother to see if the rest of the recruits followed her out of the infirmary; the girl carried little authority but the boy named Jean obviously harbored some feelings for her. He would go after her and the still unnamed boy seemed intelligent enough to see the logic in my humble request. When the door finally closed after their departure I awkwardly sunk down on the bed, close enough to touch the brown-haired boy by just raising my arm but far enough for it to be appropriate.

"Sorry I was so harsh on your friends," I began apologetically. He didn't react and I shifted uncomfortably. "So…"

"Will you ever be able to forgive me?"

I stiffened. He must have noticed because he raised his head and looked at me with eyes brimming with tears.

"I let them all die by not changing into a titan from the beginning," he rambled on, his voice thick with grief and self-disgust. "If… if I had only fought with them, they might have despised me for going against orders but at least they would be alive. They died… Sebastian died protecting me."

I inhaled sharply. _This child… so the rumors are true. This boy is a titan-shifter—and the reason my brother is dead_.

"Did you…" My throat was so dry it hurt to swallow. "Did you witness his death? How… how did he…?"

His gaze held a question but it was focused on something behind me. I heard a disapproving snort and I almost slapped myself in the face.

Levi was still here.

"Since she's joined the Survey Corps I guess there's no reason not to tell her," came the answer coolly. "So you're free to speak, but nothing about the titan itself."

I rose and spun around, immediately fixing my eyes on his handsome, impassive face. "And what are you still doing here?" I snarled, glad that my anger was enough to overcome my grief. Crying in front of him wasn't an option. "Wasn't I clear enough when I said that he needs to rest without any observers?"

"Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to get out of your sight," he said darkly, his forehead creasing. "But as I mentioned earlier, I'm in need of some medical attention as well. More so than the brat."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Will you leave after that?"

"Sure."

"Deal, then."

I turned back to the boy and tried to erase my frown.

"I'll just deal with Levi first to get him off my back," I told him and gently touched his shoulder. "I can't think when he's around."

_Oh, no. Did I just say that out loud?_ I fought back the heat rising in my face. "Rest and I'll check on you later."

He blinked but didn't shrink away from my cold fingers. He, too, seemed shocked over the way I spoke of the sure to be glowering man behind me. "Oh, okay." There was a pause. "I-I'm Eren, by the way."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Eren," I answered and this time my smile appeared effortlessly. "I won't repeat myself: lie down. We'll talk later, okay?"

Eren gave me a nod before reclining into the bed. He settled a tanned, willowy arm over his eyes and slowly exhaled.

_Poor child_, I fleetingly thought as I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for a verbal skirmish against Levi who hadn't moved an inch since I first saw him. I gestured him towards the bed he was leaning against and as he silently obeyed, I noticed that his gait was unsteady. I hurried to his side, my heart beating hard against my ribcage and my hands shaking, and organized the pillows comfortably against the headboard before allowing him to sit.

"Which leg?" I asked in a low voice. I was frightened to be so near him, afraid of what more memories would resurface or be triggered by him, and did my best not to look at his face. It still hurt to think of him and remember how it had ended between us. Five year had done nothing to mend my wounds.

He was so close our knees almost met. I trembled but hoped he wouldn't notice.

"This one."

Levi raised both of his legs onto the bed in a stiff movement and tapped his left thigh. "It's the foot that hurts the most but I think the whole leg's taken a toll."

"What did you do?" I instinctively asked, a habit I had gotten during my days at the clinic.

"I blocked a titan's attack."

"Are you serious?" I blundered incredulously, my large eyes finding his. He was unmoved. "Why would you do that?" I went on and quickly averted my gaze. "I never thought you were suicidal."

"The circumstances weren't exactly the most favorable. I did what I had to do to in order to protect Eren and Mikasa."

His voice lingered, as if he wanted to add something but then decided not to. I had my suspicions that the subject had something to do with Sebastian but didn't say anything about it, knowing that it would erupt into another bickering. Instead I focused on the task at hand and tried to forget the identity of my patient. I had inexplicably felt a sting of jealousy when he said the girl's name, but I dismissed it as another malignant ghost of the past. I didn't need to think about _that_ while treating him; who knows what I would do.

I unlaced and carefully removed his shoes and socks, glancing sideways to see his gorgeous mouth tighten whenever I touched his left foot. I went to the other side of the bed, feeling his sharp, criticizing eyes analyze every step I took, and went over the foot with my fingers, pushing and feeling the bones and the muscles beneath. He muttered profanities under his breath; I was enjoying his pain and no longer quivering, confident with my abilities.

Then, I found what was wrong. His whole leg tensed as my thumb ran over the spot again.

"Two… no, three of the bones in your foot has snapped slightly out of place," I said matter-of-factly. "But that's a small price to pay. Not many can brag how they blocked a titan with a foot. Impressive, really."

"Your sarcasm can go to hell. You've never been good at it, so just stop. It's giving me a damn headache."

This time it was my turn to freeze. My breath hitched in my throat and I stood completely still for what felt like an eternity but could have just been a minute. I was staring down at no particular thing at all, the world spinning to a stop around me, and tried not to think of how delightful it would be to cause him some suffering. It didn't matter if I would be thrown out of the Survey Corps the same day I had entered; at least I would've gotten back at Levi. But reason pulled me back from the verge of uncontrollable insanity: no torture in the whole world would be able to cause him even a tenth of what he had caused me. Because five years ago, he hadn't just broken my heart. He had torn it out, wrung it dry with his slender, artistic hands and crushed it beneath his fancy boot to simply walk away without even giving it another thought.

I returned to my senses and pretended to have been simply ignoring him and ponder over how to approach the injury. He didn't seem to notice but then again, his face was as expressionless and unreadable as usual.

"Nothing feels broken or especially swollen. Best way is probably to try and readjust the bones back in place," I said at last and rubbed my hands together. For once I wasn't being nerveous due to his presence.

Levi arched a graceful brow, immediately understanding my point. "Are you sure?"

He wasn't questioning my choice, I realized. Simply if I was able to go through with it.

I nodded but deep down, I was scared to fail.

"Then do it."

I went to one of the shelves and returned with a bandage of good length. I rolled up the trouser leg to his knee, revealing a skinny but muscular shin, and pulled a stool beneath me. My breathing ceased as I firmly grasped his ankle with one hand and then abruptly pressed down three fingers from my other hand on the tiny irregularity in his instep, forcing the bones into correct setting. A wet, clicking noise was heard and I examined my work. The foot was back to normal.

"Done," I said and allowed my lungs some air. My gaze traveled to his face and tried to find any signs that he was in pain, but other than a set jaw he remained calm. "I'll patch it up for safety measure and extra support but it should be alright. And although I would encourage you to move it as normally as possible, try not to kick anything else for a while. Oh, and the Maneuvering Gear is off-limits until I say so."

He made a characteristic snort. "Tsk, fine. Are we finished?"

"Not really…"

I hesitated as an inner struggle ignited within me. The nurse and the sympathetic part of me wanted to check and make sure that he didn't have any more injuries and if so, help him recover back to full. But the hurt me, the naive and vengeful part of me, would like nothing more than to ignore any further inspections. Fortunately for my patient, the former won.

"I want to take a look at your leg as well, especially your knee and hip," I went on, my voice gradually regaining its usual volume. I wrapped his foot with the bandage, careful but firm in my movements. "There might be a bone knocked out of place there as well even though you cannot feel it. A muscle can also have been strained and not retracted correctly."

Levi furrowed his brows. "What would you have me do?"

"Well…" I blushed. "I'd like you to… take off your pants."

The corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly but he buttoned down his trousers without any complaints or rude remarks. My face was aflame by the time he wiggled out of the garment and neatly folded it on the nightstand. His t-shirt was long enough to cover his crotch but only barely.

And all I could think was: _What have I done in my past life to deserve this?_

"Satisfied?" Levi asked mockingly as he resettled. His piercing gaze betrayed nothing of his emotions, but I couldn't deny the challenge they held. The word was an innuendo.

Thinking clearly was almost impossible. My mind was still a hot, ugly mess and it took me every ounce of self-preservation to muster up a bored expression. Or that was at least what I was aiming for; I didn't know what Levi saw, but I could bet my position at Survey Corps that it wasn't pretty.

I didn't dare to answer him and instead tried to concentrate on doing what I should be concentrating on doing. I closed my eyes for a precious moment, hoping that the lack of vision would improve—no, restart my brain. The darkness helped. Soon, I could shut out his identity and think of him as another patient at the clinic, someone I smiled at and helped without really feeling anything.

_It's always an emotional tempest with him_, I told myself. _He sees right through you. He knows which buttons to press to make you snap. You'll just have to adapt._

"I'll touch you now," I informed him as I scooted closer to the bed, my stool dragging against the floor. "Tell me when it hurts or if anything feels weird or out of the ordinary."

"It feels bizarre."

I frowned. "But I haven't even begun!"

Levi sighed. It was a heavy sound, and discomforting.

"Sera," he said gravely. I flinched and met his gaze. He leaned his chiseled head to the side and crossed his arms over his chest. I had never seen a wounded, half-naked man with more dignity. "What are you actually doing here? Shouldn't you be in Karanese?"

I opened my mouth but immediately shut it. No immature insults would help. Yet again he had managed to catch me off guard, and I needed to make sense when I answered.

"You really shouldn't be here," he continued. "'The path of the Scouting Legion isn't an easy one to tread.' The titans will slaughter you in an instant. Who even allowed you to join?"

His tone was sincere. There was no pity and no anger. I swallowed hard and rubbed my hands together.

"Commander Smith," I replied quietly. "He came by the clinic and offered me my position after he told me about…" My voice broke and I swallowed again. "I took off this morning with him and his escort."

"Erwin…" he muttered in confusion. "But what about your aunt? Miriam?"

It shocked me that he remembered her name. "T-they'll handle," I answered. "Actually, without me there they can handle everything better. Economy is rough and since… I need the money for their sake."

Levi's silvery eyes narrowed. "So that's the reason? You're risking your life for money?" he growled. "That's the stupidest thing I've heard today and that's quite a feat. You're going back to Karanese as soon as possible."

"What?!"

"You heard me," he hissed between gritted teeth. "I won't push your puny body any further today but first thing I'll be doing tomorrow is to talk to Erwin and get you out of the Scouting Legion. Permanently. And then I'll drag your arse onto a horse, bind you if I have to and lead you back to your aunt before midday."

I stared open-mouthedly at him. "But the money—"

"Don't bullshit me!" he snarled furiously, his stern features gone. "If you're doing this to be able to pay your aunt's stupid bills, then find another job! One that _won't_ risk losing your damn head! Are you seriously going to throw away your future on something like this? Is it really worth it? Sera, what the fuck are you thinking with?"

_Don't throw away your future on someone like him. He's not worth it._

I stood up so violently that my stool fell backwards. It smashed into the floor, creating a loud noise and probably a mark in the floorboards, but I couldn't care less. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Lance Corporal!" an infuriated someone called. I had completely forgotten that Eren was there. "What the hell is wrong—Sera! Where are you going?"

I hadn't realized I was rushing out of the infirmary but was happy I had when my sight began to blur. I scrambled up the staircase, charged into the room Hange had offered me and locked the door while fervently wishing that nobody would follow. As I tore off the Survey Corps jacket and my special boots designed for the 3DMG, I almost ended up prone over the suitcase with mentioned gear, but recovered my balance and was able to weakly crawl into bed, all while holding back my tears. I had time to unfurl my braid, notice the unfamiliar feeling of the bed and remember that I still hadn't eaten anything before a powerful mixture of anger, heartbreak and grief washed over me. My eyes flooded over and I wept myself to unconsciousness.

* * *

_"Sera?"_

_I groaned. I could taste something disgusting in the back of my throat and almost hurled._

_"Sera, whoa…" Someone crouched down next to me. A warm hand pulled aside something wet slicked to my forehead. "What the… Have you been out here alone all night?"_

_Something was in my hand._

_"Nah…" I murmured. I couldn't peel open my eyes for some reason. "I had ol' good Gibson's with me."_

_I lazily held up the bottle._

_"That ain't Gibson, you moron." It vanished from my grip. "Hmm… It's been raining so hard the label's been destroyed, but I'm pretty sure it's a nicely aged Johnson's."_

_I pouted. "Well, what the heck. It tasted the same."_

_"I bet. Now, let's get inside and wash you up; you're as cold as a corpse. Miriam!"_

_I stubbornly shook my head. "Nah, I like it out here. Fresh air, nice people…" I smiled slyly. "And there's this story I think you'd like to hear."_

_A sigh. "What's the story this time?"_

_My smile broadened into a grin. But when I opened my mouth to speak, only strangled cries could be heard. I tried again but I couldn't speak. Something warmed my face again and I thankfully raised my hand to feel the safety of his hands—but my fingers only touched wet cheeks._

_"Eh?" I frowned. "I think it's raining again. But the drops are so warm… Is there something dripping from above?"_

_The world disappeared beneath me._

_"Sebastian! Sera is—by the Walls! Is that her? Where did you find her? How is she? Quick, carry her inside!"_

_"Miriam calm down, please. I think she's been here most of the night and other than a hangover and a potential cold, she's fine. Physically, at least. What in the world happened yesterday?"_

_There was a pause. I tried to open my eyes but my vision was clouded and the sunlight hurt. I tried to assure Miriam I was alright but my voice only sputtered more unintelligible whimpers. I tried to move and get out of my brother's grip but I was shaking too much._

_I gave up._

_"We went to the usual bar even though I told her you wouldn't be there. You'd clearly said that you'd work, nothing else."_

_This piqued my interest. Was it a fun story?_

_"I was of course right—you weren't there—but she suddenly kept on going about how the lance corporal was in the bar across the street. I can't remember us ever going there but perhaps we have. Anyway, when we finally found him… he wasn't exactly alone."_

_Oh no. Stop there, Miriam. This one doesn't end well._

_"Sera ran back here and locked herself inside her room. My words didn't seem to reach her and after about an hour of hearing almost nothing of her, I got really worried. So I woke my mom and told her everything, and she started banging on the door until Sera came out with her bag all packed and then there was a lot of screaming and shouting and…"_

_Miriam, shut the hell up._

_"...Sera said she would move out. She left and although I tried to catch up with her, she was too quick and I lost her in the rain. I didn't think I'd ever see her again, but since she's here…"_

_Another pause. I knew that the strange, sniffling noise in the background was me crying._

_"I warned her not to come to close to him," said Sebastian and sighed. His breath smelled fresh of peppermint and water. "Several times. Maybe I should have fully forbidden her to see him. But I know the way she likes to hang out with guys and never thought that she would actually…"_

_Don't. Say. It._

_"...fall in love with Levi Ackerman."_


	7. Chapter 6: Trial of Skill (Part 1)

**Chapter 6: Trial of Skill**

The oatmeal was tasteless. I mechanically chewed it down as I stared into my journal and tried to decrypt what I had written yesterday night. I gave it five minutes of deep brooding before I sighed and threw the leather-bound notebook on the desk, almost knocking down the picture of my family in the process. I sunk down further into the comfortable armchair and sat slumped like that, listening to the birds' eager songs in celebration of a new dawn and my grinding teeth and careful swallowing. It was peaceful, almost hypnotic in its endless repeating, and the bowl was warming my thighs and left hand even as it emptied.

My eyelids grew heavy and I could have fallen asleep if I wanted to—a rare, wonderful feeling for a restless sleeper like me—but simply balancing on the verge to the sweet, sweet realm of dreams was more than adequate for me. I had rested enough.

I was already dressed, washed and now full. Finally, I could head out to find the commander; I hadn't forgotten Levi's words and if my memory served correct, I remembered him to be a man of his words and stubborn like few. He would never come with idle threats.

_But I'm not going anywhere. If he thinks he can throw me out without a fight, he's wrong. He has no saying in what I can and cannot do with my life,_ I thought as I finished the last of my dishes and wiped my hands on a towel that ornamented a hook by the window. At least my fear for the castle's level of cleanliness had been extinguished, thanks to Levi's hair-pullingly annoying presence. If anything, that man could definitely keep a good hygienic standard.

When I stepped out of the kitchen, I couldn't help but glance at the infirmary door. I felt remorse for Eren whom I had brashly overlooked due to my personal conflicts, which was unacceptable, really. My aunt would have scolded me right in front of all the patients if I had done the same in the clinic. It was Levi, though, so I hoped he would forgive me. Even Lydia would have.

_Maybe I should take a quick peek_, I pondered but then promptly shook my head. _No, I'd better not. After all, I wasn't lying when I told the recruits he needed some sleep. I'll find him later when I've confirmed that I'm here to stay._

I headed out into the courtyard. The air was cool and I inhaled deeply, also taking the opportunity to stretch my aching muscles. I wasn't as stiff as I thought I would have been by now and looking up at a clear blue sky, I decided that today would be a perfect day as any to try out the 3DMG. If I would be able to convince Commander Erwin to let me stay, that is.

_You'll handle_, I encouraged myself as I entered the western door. The passage I had used yesterday was locked, just as Hange had told me, and I had to maneuver through an unknown part of the castle, simply hoping to reach the main courtyard before noon. It took me ten excruciatingly long minutes of perplexing orientation before I finally reached the large courtyard and another five to recall which door Erwin had disappeared behind the day before. When I was certain I was correct, I had to climb up several stairs, venture through dark, windowless corridors without any rooms and ascend another floor before I was greeted with the warmth of sunlight. I still hadn't met anyone and just when I started to think I had gone too far and gotten lost somewhere in the eastern part of the castle, I caught the sound of muffled voices. I stopped outside the room and put my ear to the door, curious if I had found whom I was looking for.

"I see. Are you sure of it?" It was Erwin. I was glad I had found him but my delight quickly turned sour as I identified the owner of the second voice.

"Absolutely. She's weak, hotheaded and impatient. She'll just become another snack for the titans."

_Levi._

"Hmm… I trust your judgment, but have you read her military file? What's written down here doesn't really fit with your description."

"That was six years ago. Do you really believe she's still worth her spot? Tsk, she's probably nothing more than a bad joke now. I bet even Armin could take her on in hand-to-hand combat."

I burst into the room. I couldn't stop myself. Behind a large, mahogany table stacked with papers and books, Erwin raised his eyebrows at my sudden appearance while Levi, perched on a small armchair with one leg elegantly resting on the other, barely glanced over his shoulder. The commander was wearing his uniform but Levi was casually dressed as yesterday, honoring the day with a gray, fitted sweater and dark pants.

"Prove it," I snapped. I didn't even bother hiding the fact that I had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "You spiteful little—"

"Hotheaded, didn't I say so?" Levi interjected in a bored tone and raised a pale finger. "That's one."

"Please sit," said Erwin and gestured me towards the only free place to sit in the room: the second armchair in front of him. I obeyed and suddenly felt as if I were a child that had taken part of a fight and been dragged inside the house to be reprimanded by a parent. It was embarrassing to say the least.

I scooted my chair away from my opponent.

"How mature," Levi muttered under his breath.

The commander looked from him to me. "We obviously have some internal issues here," he stated. He looked as baffled by our negative attraction as the recruits yesterday. "Is there any specific reason you two can't get along?"

"Levi," I spat at the same time Levi coolly replied, "Sera." I glared at him but he held his gaze straight.

"I understand…" Erwin leaned back in his seat. "Sera, I've heard some none too flattering opinions from Levi regarding your strength and overall abilities. Personally, I think you're an asset to our cause and will eventually remember your training… but he isn't completely at fault. I might overestimate you due to your past and your brother's prowess. I'll have to reconsider your position here at the Survey Corps."

"Sir," I began. "With all due respect, I think it would be stupid to change your mind just because of what he said. I'm not as useless as he claims and I can prove it."

This caught Levi's attention. He glanced sideways at me with his brows furrowed. Erwin looked interested as well.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked.

I rubbed my hands together and smiled. Not even Levi would be able to argue his way out of this one.

"I'll pass the military finals again."

* * *

"How long until you're done, stupid?"

I finished plaiting my hair and took off my jacket, placing it on the bench in front of me. The excitement made me sweaty and my heart was accelerating like I had been sprinting all the way back to the center of the courtyard instead of jogging.

"Done," I replied as I reached the tiny group.

Erwin had put Levi in charge of my bold statement and although he was reluctant, he did what he was ordered to do. The first test would be in hand-to-hand combat, something that I knew I remembered. It had come to good use some years ago when Miriam and I frequently went to bars and a man was too drunk to listen, and although the amount of opportunities had dwindled ever since, I was still rather sure in myself. Levi had gathered the recruits from yesterday, all clad in uniforms and confused expressions, and even Eren was there, dressed and cleaned for unknown reasons. When I had asked him of his state, he had cheerfully dismissed my concerns as unnecessary since his titan-shifting ability included rapid physical recovery. It reminded me of something I had heard a long time ago but I lost the thought once Levi sneered:

"Oi, what the hell are you dreaming about? Get in position. Defensive first."

I gave him an evil look but readied myself in a good stance. A wave of exhilaration surged through my body as I inhaled deeply and shut my eyes. My heartbeats slowed in tempo and suddenly, my senses were pristine. I instantaneously analyzed my surroundings—_steady ground, no breeze, no sunlight, normal body temperature, stiff shoulders_—and when I felt like I was ready, I allowed myself to see again.

The golden-haired boy swung something metallic at me.

I wasn't able to process anything before my body reacted and avoided his rush. A hand—my hand, I realized—shot up, grabbed his wrist and wrenched it into a critical angle as my knee struck his stomach. He whimpered and dropped his weapon as if it were boiling hot. I couldn't believe what I was seeing as the item hit the dirt.

"Pass. Arlert, step aside. Next!"

"I'm so sorry! I wasn't ready!" I exclaimed and let go of the boy. My eyes found Levi's. "And why are we using a real knife? Someone could get seriously injured!"

He arched an eyebrow. "It's not like any future assailant will come against you with a wooden stick. Get used to it: the world is dangerous."

I understood what he was grasping at; he was trying to scare me. I would have to be more careful and strike first because as much as I tried to be valiant, I couldn't deny the fear that rose in my chest at the thought of the blade. I had punished countless of the men who tried to touch me and Miriam but I had rarely encountered anyone wielding a knife. The fact that my opponents were also all adept and trained in weapon usage didn't help my nerves.

The slender boy with light ash-brown hair switched places with the blonde I now knew was named Armin. The latter joined with his ranks about ten yards away where also Levi waited, while the former hesitantly picked up the knife and looked at me, his eyes revealing ambivalence. I tensed again, readying myself for another fight, but he didn't move.

"Kirstein, have you fallen in love?" mocked Levi. I heard Eren stifle a laughter.

"O-o-of course not, lance corporal!" blurted the recruit and glared over his shoulder. His voice then dropped low. "I… I just don't think I can do it. I can't just attack her with a sharp weapon. She's right; she might get really hurt after this."

Levi snorted. "I don't think Sera was talking about herself when she said that," he answered condescendingly. His reply astonished me; hadn't he been doubting my abilities in the first place? "But fine, drop it and attack her bare-handed."

The boy nodded and threw the knife to the side. He then settled his sight on me, no longer conflicted. My mind began to clinically size him up as we circulated each other. I wasn't going to go easy on him, especially since he had already deemed me weak.

_Four inches taller. Twenty-five pounds heavier. Good physical shape but skinny. Long legs; probably a quick runner. Biggest weakness: emotional and taller; rely on counterattacks. Focus on the torso or the legs._

He then charged towards me with his fist held high, rapidly eradicating the small distance between us. I waited until I could count the hairs on his hand before I ducked and directed a punch at the upper part of his abdomen. When my knuckles connected with something hard but too soft to be his ribcage, I knew that I had hit the right spot. The boy slumped to one knee as he grabbed at his chest and gasped for air.

"Pass. Kirstein, walk it off. Next!"

He remained on the ground and for a brief moment I thought I had maybe gone too far. I hadn't struck him with full force but I had still put a good amount of strength into it, and it surprised me how long he was down. I was just about to crouch next to him and ask how he felt when the boy abruptly rose. He gave me a quick glance that made me stagger and the pride I had felt to have been able to dismantle his rampage with a single countermove immediately turned to shame as he dejectedly strode towards his peers.

He had looked… _frightened_.

I wanted to apologize as he stumbled away, his hands wound tightly against his chest, but I bit my tongue. This was a trial, after all. I had to show the full extent of my abilities because if I failed, I would return to Karanese. And that was an impossibility in my book. Having Levi as my judge also tripled the pressure since I was a hundred percent sure that he was regarding every move I made with overcritical eyes. I couldn't mess things up due to my empathy, even if it meant that the young recruits would take the consequences of my choice.

But I absolutely could _not_ fight my third opponent.

I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled at Levi. "You must be joking, right?" I growled. "Because none of your jokes have ever been funny and you don't see me laughing now."

Levi didn't manage to come up with an answer before Eren did.

"He's not," he said and mimicked my posture. "And neither am I."

"I'm not fighting you," I replied stubbornly, at last realizing why he was in uniform as well. "You've barely recovered."

"Titan-shifting comes with its perks."

I sighed in frustration. "No, I won't fight you," I repeated sternly. "As sadistic as Levi has proven to be, I won't have him watch me fight someone already injured. I'd rather just be beaten up by him personally than stand for such a sick wrongness."

There was a familiar snort. The blood in my veins turned to ice as Levi approached us, something utterly maleficent glittering in his silvery eyes.

_Why did I just say that?_

"Then so be it," he stated, waving Eren away. "Move, brat. It'll be me against her."

Eren paled. He must have also seen the darkness in Levi's eyes. "L-Lance Corporal, I don't think you would suffice either," he quickly said and gestured towards the black-haired man's foot. "You've got it bad too, don't you?"

Levi looked up at the green-eyed recruit. "If you cherish your life, Jaeger, then get the _fuck_ out of my way."

His visage was expressionless but it only made the threat even more intimating. Eren left but not until he had given me a sympathetic look; I wasn't going to win this. I could count myself lucky if all my limbs would still remain attached to my body after the fight.

"Don't worry," Levi sarcastically comforted as he turned to me, "I won't use the knife or any other weapon. Simple hand-to-hand combat only. Are you ready?"

I was nearly hyperventilating and it felt like I would throw up my breakfast. After all, the title as "Humanity's strongest soldier" wasn't just a courtesy—Levi was lethal in every way.

_Don't be complicated. Blur out the details, _said a calm, soothing voice. _Forget all those things. He's an enemy, an obstacle and someone you must overcome. Breathe, Sera. Focus._

I inhaled deeply and shut out my swirling emotions, shoving them into the deepest part of my brain. My heart rate soon turned normal and I regained control over my body. I felt my features stiffen and I examined my new opponent with cold, calculating eyes.

_Two inches shorter. Twenty-five pounds heavier. In excellent physical shape; strong, well-proportioned body. Could be surprisingly quick. Large hands. Biggest weakness: left leg; rely on your better mobility. Focus it down and the fight will end in your favor._

"Go for it," I finally said as I entered a good fighting stance, defensively raising my hands in front of my face.

Levi started advancing, his calm eyes locked on me, but it was impossible to predict his movements. His arms hung to his sides and his gait was confident but slow. I couldn't understand his body language and it made me shift uncomfortably. I didn't know if he was going to burst into a rush or continue walking, aim a kick or punch me. It simply looked as if he were taking a stroll in the city, his face devoid of emotions.

_Doesn't he have a plan on how to approach me? _I asked myself. _He looks so… relaxed. Not at all like he's going to fight._

A yard away from me he carefully raised a hand towards me. I eyed it suspiciously and decided to strike him even though my instincts screamed that I should refrain. I had gotten enough of his passive demeanor and it drove me both restless and impatient and in all honesty, it felt like he was underestimating me. As if he took it for granted that I wouldn't be able to hit him first. But I was going to prove him wrong.

My leg moved and would have caught his left leg had he not stepped aside in the exact right moment. That's when I realized he had played me. I tried to block his counterattack but his kick caught my only steady foot and literally swept me off my feet. I lost my balance and clumsily fell backwards, my arms flailing wildly in every direction. A sharp pain coursed through my back as I landed on the ground and I groaned miserably.

"Hotheaded, didn't I say so?"

Levi repeated his earlier words with contempt and looked down at me with a sneer. "You're supposed to disarm and neutralize your opponent—not break their fucking bones. You aren't defending yourself in the word's proper meaning; you're attacking before you can be attacked and you aim for the weakest parts of the human body. Fortunately for me, you're easy to provoke and predict."

I blinked away my tears. "Whatever," I spat, grimacing as I sat up. I didn't need him to rub in how much more superior he was. "Did I pass or not?"

"Your technique is questionable," he replied, "and very hazardous. Kirstein and Arlert are happy to not have any permanent injuries, because that's what it's for, isn't it? To stun and;or cripple your opponent?"

I shrugged and tried to stand up. The leg Levi had booted wouldn't obey. "I don't know, I didn't really learn it at the military—" I cut off myself and anxiously raised my gaze to witness his reaction.

But Levi didn't even frown. "Sebastian, huh?" he quietly said as his eyes narrowed. "To protect you…"

I was too shocked to answer. It was the first time he had said my brother's name since I'd arrived. Levi started away and left me in the dirt, not bothering to help me up, but his rude behavior didn't irritate me for once. Because even though I didn't hear him finish his sentence, I knew how it ended.

_To protect you from me._

And he was naturally correct.

"H-hey!" I called at him. "You didn't answer! Did I pass or not?"

Levi stopped and uncharacteristically raked a hand through his dark hair. I cringed as agonizing memories flowed through my mind: the movement was a sure sign that he was struggling with an inner turmoil. I immediately wanted to comfort him, put my arms around his strong frame and beg him to tell me of his quandary, but then cursed myself for being so weak. He wasn't mine to console anymore—in fact, he never had been mine whatsoever. He'd proven that clear enough.

"Sure," he finally said, rousing me from my glum reverie. His voice was cool and controlled. "The test is finished, you're all dismissed. Tomorrow will be worse—you'll be using the Maneuvering Gear."

He then headed towards the northern part of the castle and vanished from my sight.


	8. Chapter 6: Trial of Skill (Part 2)

_Author's Note:_

_I've chosen to decrease the rating and instead put up a warning post if the chapter turns too gory._

_Enjoy._

* * *

"Hey."

I looked up from my plate.

"Hey," I echoed and mustered up a weak smile.

Eren sunk down on the chair opposite to me, his brows furrowed with concern. It should have bothered me to be pitied at by someone so much younger than me but for the moment I didn't care. His sudden appearance was a much appreciated distraction; I was just about to give in and take a bittersweet walk down memory lane.

"Isn't it a bit late for lunch?"

He pointed at my half-eaten loaf of bread. I shrugged and put it down, sliding the plate away from me. "It's barely dusk." Then I realized what he had said and frowned. "Have you been spying on me?"

"Of course not!" he blurted with wide eyes. "I wanted to talk to you earlier, but you left before I could catch you. I've kind of... been searching for you," he admitted sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. "And since I haven't seen you around until now, I only presumed this was the first thing you've eaten since breakfast."

_Smart kid. _My posture slackened and I exhaled. "Right, sorry for being so blunt," I apologized. "I'm just a bit grumpy."

"Having a hard time falling asleep?" Eren asked softly. When I nodded he sighed as well. "Same here. Is it why you're writing?"

I instinctively closed my journal, unaware that it had been open, and nervously soaked my lips, afraid of what he might have been able to read. But his beautiful eyes were sincere and understanding at my uncivilized behavior, making me feel even worse of a person. I felt remorse bubble up my throat and decided to change subject to something less... private.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I wondered, hoping to pique his interest. "It must be important if you've been trying to find me all day."

Eren shifted in his seat and averted his gaze. "About Sebastian and also… the corporal. You two… don't exactly get along."

It sounded like a question. I rubbed my hands together and tried to not look so guilty when I answered, "Is it really that obvious? And here I hoped we weren't that blatant."

_So much for trying to keep the conversation flowing in another direction_, I thought sullenly. _But I can't blame him; I bet everyone is gossiping among themselves why he and I can't get along. Eren is simply the first one to ask. _

The boy grimaced. "It's pretty clear to anyone, yes," he replied almost regretfully. "And it's strange since you guys also seem to know each other very well."

I stiffened at his words. "What makes you think that?"

"Well," he started and leaned back in his chair, "First and foremost, you call each other by first names. Secondly, you're constantly referring to the past. And it's evident whenever you argue with each other that you know exactly what to say to put each other out."

I paled. I hadn't been aware of it myself, but recalling everything Levi and I had thrown at each other since I'd arrived at the castle, I realized that Eren was correct.

"I guess we just can't be friends," I said and rose to standing. His eyes widened and I quickly waved for him to remain seated. "No, it's alright. I'll talk. But I definitely need something to drink before I get on with it."

Eren creased his forehead. "We don't have any alcohol here," he said in a wary tone.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. "Oh, not _that_," I replied in amusement. Had he really thought I would drink here? Now? "I don't drink that toxicant anymore," I explained as I went to put some water on the stove. "I'm certain I saw a bottle of tea on the top shelf of this cupboard when I came to eat this morning. It looked like the nice, expensive sort. I hope it's still here."

"I really don't think you should touch that," Eren shakily answered and stood up as well. "There's probably a good reason it was put in that place… I think it's the lance corporal's."

"Levi's?" I pretended to sound surprised, spotting the dark bottle as I backed away from the cupboard. Of course I knew it was his. "But how would he be able to reach this high up?"

Eren laughed. It was brief, but bright and pleasant to hear. "Good point." He waited as I struggled to reach the bottle myself. "Do you need help?"

"I'm… fine," I managed to say between breaths. Even as I jumped, my fingers only barely grazed the wooden surface of the shelf below my actual target. For a moment I considered climbing up the cupboard but I as quickly gave up the idea when I couldn't find anywhere to put my feet on except the small knobs, and I highly doubted they would be able to carry my weight.

The water was starting to boil in the teapot and so was my patience. I leapt one last time before I threw my hands into the air and exhaled. I was determined to drink Levi's precious tea even if it would be the last thing I'd ever do.

"Eren," I said hesitantly, embarrassed to what I was going to beg him. "I'll gladly accept your assistance now."

He had been leaning against the table and gleefully watched my crazy acts. When I spoke he straightened, came to my side and examined our obstacle with skeptical eyes. "I don't think I can reach it either," he then said, his smile dropping.

"I-I didn't mean for you to try and grab it yourself." His confused gaze fell on me and I felt even more uncomfortable. "Could you… lift me up? Just a couple of seconds," I hastily added.

"Sure," he replied confidently. "Get ready."

"Hey, I'm not as light as a feather," I muttered as I looked at his arms. They didn't look too reassuring. "So just… just try to raise me now. A quick try and we'll see if you won't drop me. I do _not _want to wake up the whole castle because I somehow knocked down a whole cabinet."

"I won't drop you," he said with a crooked smile. "But fine. Put your hands on my shoulders."

I obeyed, too awkward to say anything. He was brawnier than I had thought and strong, lean muscles tensed beneath my grip as he abruptly lowered himself and hugged my legs. I started panicking when the ground disappeared beneath my feet and had to bit down on my lip to not let out a pathetic squeal. My fingers clawed into his flesh as he steadily raised me up until he stood erect.

"Everything's alright," Eren said, slightly breathless. "I told you I wasn't going to drop you. Now let's go."

"Careful!" I cried out as he took a step closer to the cupboard. "I thought we were only testing!"

I could feel Eren chuckle against my stomach. That's when I realized where his head was. My face flushed scarlet but I tried to keep a cool mind and focus on my goal: I wanted Levi's tea. I carefully detached one of my hands from his sure to be aching shoulders and stretched it towards the shelf. I managed to grab the thin bottle and was just about to ask Eren to let me down when a very recognizable voice interjected.

"Jaeger! Shouldn't you be in your damn cell? I've been searching every… What in the _fuck's name_ did I just walk into?"

Eren gently lowered me but he looked as terrified as I was embarrassed. And I had never felt more embarrassed in my whole life.

"He—I…" I stammered, feeling the heat radiating from my face like a beacon, "We… I can explain."

Levi scowled and leaned against the doorframe. "This will be interesting to hear," he coolly replied. "And don't even try to lie; I'll know, trust me."

"I… I wanted to make some tea," I quietly explained and nodded in the direction of the stove. The teapot was boiling furiously, as if to agree. "So I asked Eren to help me reach up to the bottle and here we are. That's all."

"Use a fucking chair next time," Levi snapped and approached us. He snatched the tea out of my hand and glared me down. "And do _not_ touch what doesn't belong to you."

He kept looking at me as he spoke, his annoyed, silvery eyes piercing into my very being, but I somehow felt like he was talking to my accomplice as well. I quickly waved it away as stupid, stupid naive fantasies—I was simply in a state of shock that Levi hadn't killed me right now and right there—but there was unmistakably something else hiding in his gaze.

I didn't have time to properly analyze his expression before he turned away. Even though there was an obvious length difference, Eren seemed to shrink in front of his superior as the latter eyed him up and down.

"And what are you doing here except for functioning as a stair, brat?" he asked, his voice lashing out like a whip. Eren flinched but didn't back down. "You're not supposed to leave the dungeons, or have you forgotten the agreement?"

I stared incredulously at them, my eyes darting between Levi's now deadpanned visage and Eren's nervously swallowing. "Is _that_ where you stay?" I demanded.

The green-eyed boy simply nodded. Levi hadn't dropped his gaze from the recruit.

"No wonder you can't fall asleep!" I exclaimed. "And what's up with the 'agreement'?"

Eren opened his mouth to reply when Levi cut him off.

"None of your business," he said and went towards the teapot, turning off the gas stove. I grumbled in irritation while he rummaged through a cabinet and tried to gain eye contact with Eren, but the boy seemed to have found something very interesting on the floor. Looking down at the floorboards as well, I tried to find what had caught his attention and didn't notice Levi return to us.

"Here."

It sounded more of a command than anything else and both Eren and I took the cups of tea out of fear rather than gratitude. I regarded Levi in plain shock, my eyebrows shooting high into my forehead, and he snorted.

"It's not poisoned," he scoffed.

I raised the cup to my mouth and sniffed it suspiciously. It smelled sweet but not in the sugary way; I was pretty sure he hadn't put in anything extra but I could never be too careful with Levi. The steam caressed my nose and I wrinkled it. "You sure?"

His jaw tensed. "Tsk," was all he said before he abruptly seized the cup from my hand, his slender fingertips gripping the edges around the cup, and blew on the beverage. I was speechless as he soundlessly sipped it and then returned the drink to my cold hands.

"It's fine, stupid. If I wanted you dead, I wouldn't try to poison you," he mocked.

I gaped at the tea. What else could I do?

"Jaeger, we're supposed to be in the dinner hall," Levi went on, pouring up a cup of tea of his own. "Erwin wanted a meeting. Your friends will be there too."

"Y-Yes, Lance Corporal!"

"Let's go." He paused. "Aren't you going to drink that?"

I raised my gaze. Levi's face was expressionless but his tone had been challenging. Eren too seemed curious if I would, his body frozen in mid-stride and his green eyes rounding. My fingers clenched around the cup, seemingly unaware of the heat, and I contemplated my options. If I chose to drink it, I'd be dirtying myself with his disgusting saliva. Only the thought was enough to make my stomach churn but if I did what I actually wanted to do, which was to throw the now contaminated tea out the window, I would forfeit to Levi. And he would enjoy nothing more than that. My decision was pretty much obvious by then.

I slowly spun the porcelain tea cup and was careful to place my lips on the exact place Levi's had been. The beverage was hot, much hotter than I had thought it would be judging by the way he had tasted it, and I clumsily gulped it down.

"Thanks for the tea," I said and fabricated an innocent smile. "It's delicious."

Levi said nothing but turned towards the doorway. Eren gave me a smile in return before he followed and the two disappeared, most likely heading for the dinner hall. My smile widened into a grin as I finished and cleaned after me, and my cheerfulness remained even as I went to bed. The tea had been a small victory in my struggle to overcome my revulsion for Levi and I was proud of myself—I hadn't allowed him to make me snap.

For a second, a brief flash, I recalled the way Eren had held me. I blushed even though nobody could see me and hastily shook my head from side to side, ruffling my hair against the pillow. The last thing I needed was to think about him in that way.

_You barely know him! _A voice shouted accusatorily in the back of my head. _He's barely more than a boy! How old can he be? Sixteen?_

_Yes, I know_, I replied as I drifted towards unconsciousness. _I'm miserable. It is nothing between us. He's a good kid; he only helped me._

Still, it was hard to forget his arms locked around my thighs.

* * *

"Come on, come on…"

The straps were tangled again. _Again_. I exhaled in frustration and threw my hands into the air. "I give up! Who even came up with this ridiculously difficult equipment?"

Someone knocked on the door. "Hello?" came a worried tone. "Is everything alright in there?"

I frowned. The soft voice was familiar but I couldn't really connect it to its owner. I carefully extracted myself from all the leather and scrambled to the door. The golden-haired boy stood on the other side, his large eyes anxiously looking at me, together with the girl with the raven hair. Her beautiful features were gathered into a calm, stoic demeanor but she, too, seemed wondering about my predicament.

"I don't mean to disturb," the boy politely greeted me, "but do you perhaps need some help?"

He gave me a meaning look as he noticed the rejected heap of straps and belts on the floor behind me. I felt my cheeks redden and grimaced. "That would be very nice, thank you."

The pair entered. They were dressed in both uniforms and 3DMGs and at closer proximity I was baffled by the difference in their physique. The boy was much skinnier than any of the other recruits, sharing about the same length and body type as I, but he wasn't abnormally slim. It was the girl that made my eyes go wide. Only two inches taller, she was a massive bulwark of muscle, power and grace. Although she wasn't even close to being as intimidating as Levi, she was striking and I was happy I hadn't met her in hand-to-hand combat. I didn't think I would lose, not with the way Sebastian had taught me, but I would definitely not escape unharmed. I suddenly remembered the fierce display of protectiveness in the infirmary, when I had thrown her out with the rest of the recruits to let Eren rest, which made me wonder what type of relationship the two shared since he had seemed unwilling of her care.

"Is the Maneuvering Gear the villain?"

The blonde roused me from my musing and I snapped back to attention. I could only hope they hadn't noticed me staring like a fool.

"Yes, I can't seem to get my legs into the right places," I replied and then recalled something I needed to say to the boy. My eyes met blue. "It's Armin, right? And Mi… Mikasa?" I quickly added.

"Yep," Armin answered and bent down to pick up the leathern mess. Mikasa simply nodded and helped him sort out the straps with nimble, well-practiced fingers.

"I'm sorry for yesterday," I began as I rubbed my hands together. "I wasn't ready and when you attacked me I merely… reacted. I didn't mean to hurt you… or knock the breath out of you."

"O-Oh, I'm fine, really," he said and smiled shyly. "You were really quick. I didn't even see you move out of the way."

"Still," I went on, his sweet face causing me bitter remorse. "I went too far."

"Well, I came at you with a knife. You only did whatever was most reasonable. Did you fix your side, Mikasa?"

The girl nodded again and let go of the harness. _Quiet girl when she isn't angry, _I acknowledged.

"Great." Armin faced me and held up what seemed like the main belt, the straps and metal belonging to the torso part snaking around his arms and the straps to the legs dangling just an inch above the surface of the floor. "It's easier to put it in on from here."

"Oh. I always thought you'd sneak into it from the upper part," I admitted sheepishly. "And kind of crawl into it. Somehow." I frowned. "That's at least how I did during the military."

He smiled. "Well, if you managed to pull that off, this shouldn't be a challenge. Here."

"Thanks," I replied and took the harness. After some helpful comments from both of the recruits, I managed to fit into the leather cage and to my surprise, it wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. The straps were a bit too tight around my thighs and as I adjusted the buckles, Mikasa came to me with the core of the Maneuvering Device and gently fastened the gadget to the two metal plates pressed against my lower back. The steel was cool even through the fabric of my blouse and she pushed the handgrips into their sheathes on my chest. I had to suppress a surprised yelp as the girl's fingers then worked on the belt around my hip and the straps surrounding it, understanding why she had taken the role to adapt me to the harness instead of Armin—she could be neither gentle nor modest with her tugging.

"These must be tight," she instructed as she crouched and secured the straps around my thighs. The leather cut into my skin but not enough to choke my blood flow. She continued to check my legs until she was satisfied and then surveyed the upper part of my body, pulling and straightening more of the seemingly endless amount of leather until it was evenly distributed over my body.

"It's hardest the first time," Armin comforted as he picked up the large metal scabbards resting against my bed frame. "When it's finally adapted after your body, it'll be no problem next time you wear it."

"Yeah, I remember hearing about that," I said numbly. I was starting to feel surreal where I stood, the pace of my heart increasing rapidly while Mikasa and Armin locked the surprisingly light sheathes to my sides. I wasn't aware of what they did and probably should have been if I were to ever get out of the Maneuvering Gear on my own, but my mind was pulling away into the distance.

_I can't believe it_, I pondered. _I'm finally going to experience the Maneuvering Gear again. It's been so long though—will I be able to control it? I'm so excited and happy I could burst out into one of those weird, spontaneous laughters… but I'm terrified as never before. Everything comes down to this._

"There you are!"

The slender recruit with light ash-brown hair appeared in the door I hadn't realized been open. His eyes were relieved to see his peers but turned inclined as he met my gaze. It stung; I knew I had to find a way to apologize to him as well.

"The lance corporal sent me to get you guys…" he continued. "And he also wondered why it took so long."

"Levi clearly said before lunch…" I glanced out the window. "The sun's only been up a couple of hours. He really needs to take something to calm down his nerves."

"We should still hurry. I may have censured a threat or two." With my brows raised high I turned back towards the recruit. He averted his gaze. "It had something to do with personally teaching you how to walk on your bare hands."

"I can already do that," Mikasa quietly replied, her voice grave. I gave her a shocked look even though I shouldn't really have been surprised. She seemed physically capable of pretty much anything.

"On broken glass, blindfolded, gagged and with a broomhandle shoved deep—"

"Alright!" I interrupted. I could probably guess the rest. "Am I ready to go?"

Armin nodded. Mikasa rearranged one last strap before she also gave her consent.

"Thank you so much for the help, I really appreciate it," I told them and smiled. It was strange how much these people who were practically strangers could make me smile, compared to my aunt or even Miriam. It came so easily with them.

_Is it perhaps because they're younger? _I quietly wondered. _More alive…ish? Or is it because I'm finally happy with what I'm doing? Because I'm in the Survey Corps? Or—_

"Sera? We better leave."

Armin looked concerned. I cursed inwardly; I had been disappearing again and noticably, too.

"Sure," I said but this time, my smile wasn't genuine. His forehead smoothened and he turned towards the door with Mikasa falling behind him. I followed before I could change my mind.

* * *

"You look constipated."

I threw him an angry stare. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me. What's plugging you?"

I sighed heavily and resisted the urge to slap myself in the face. My head hurt enough already.

"I don't feel too well," I replied in a calm manner. Or, as calm as I could get. "Too well" was an understatement of the head-splittering pain I was in.

Levi kept looking down at me but said nothing. His handsome countenance was serene and his black hair was still in perfect shape even after the rough horseride. I doubted I looked as spotless.

"Lance Corporal? We've ran through the course again and it looks good. We're ready when you are."

Eren approached with the rest of the recruits, a friendly smile lighting up his features when he looked at me. I smiled back and tried to stand up, but the whole world started spinning and I gasped as I lost my footing. My hand immediately flew up to my cover my face and I stumbled against the tree I'd been sitting against, my side slumping against the hard trunk. Blurry, hazy images flashed before my eyelids, too fast for me to catch or remember any specifics but I recognized my father's grim look of determination before a slender but calloused hand covered mine. It was careful to remove my cold, stiff fingers and I could soon hear a soothing tone mumble in my ear.

"Sera? Hey, is everything alright? You're tearing off your face."

I quickly straightened and shook my head. My vision returned and although the headache remained, it was subdued.

"I'm fine," I snarled and averted my gaze. I didn't want him to see the terror in my eyes. "Let's go."

Levi was quiet. It surprised me since I had expected him to come up with an insult and I almost decided to look to see if he was alive when he spoke.

"Do you remember how to use the Operating Devices?"

I nodded, still staring into the large forest. I could feel his analytic eyes pierce through me and try to gain information from my posture. The recruits remained silent, probably wondering for the fifteenth time what kind of weird person I was. But I couldn't care about my reputation now, not when I had to focus on my task.

"Show me."

I grabbed the handgrips from their sheathes and gripped them tightly. It was a familiar feeling and a warm sensation spread through my body from head to toe. I felt better and the nausea was dampened.

"Equip the blades."

I obeyed. Their weight was something I would have to get used to but other than that I felt confident. I could do this even with Levi looking.

"Fire the grappling-hooks into that tree but don't take off yet."

I glanced over my shoulder to see where he was pointing at and did my best to try to avoid his gaze. I aimed towards the humongous tree to my left and pulled the main triggers in the handgrips, making two metal pieces shoot out from each side of my hips. The hissing noise of the steel wires made the hairs in my neck stand erect and I shivered in anticipation as the hooks soared through the air. They seemed to be travelling for an eternity but not more than a second could have passed as they dug into one of the tree's lower branches. I couldn't stop myself from grinning.

"Can I try it now?" I asked, glad that my voice had returned to normal.

"Listen now, stupid." I rolled my eyes at his condescending tone. He, too, was back to normal. "You won't stray from the course. The brats have put up some 'titans' for you to kill, though I won't tell you how many. Don't miss any and don't use up too much of your gas since what you've got carrying right now is what you'll have to work with. Kirstein will be your partner but consider him as horrible company and not a comrade. He will neither fight nor help you but you must still defend him from the aberrants."

"'Aberrants'?" I repeated, feeling anxious at the word. Even my brother had been hesitant to tell stories about them.

Levi snorted. "The rest of the brats will be aberrants and rush against you. You aren't allowed to attack them so the only way to get them off your back is to finish the course. The longer you take, the more of them will come after you and if they manage to catch Kirstein's cape, you fail."

I swallowed. _Isn't this a bit too hard? I'm pretty much single against three and I must kill all these titans on the way.  
_

"Got it?"

"Sure," I replied. I itched to be rubbing my hands together but the handgrips hindered me.

"Then get going. Kirstein knows the route. Let's see if you're still up for the Maneuvering Gear."

His mocking tone sparked a flare inside of me. I took a deep, calming breath before I kicked off the ground and clenched down on the secondary triggers in my handgrips.

_Please, let me make it._


	9. Chapter 7: Terror

_Rated M for: Explicit language _

* * *

**Chapter 7: Terror**

_The water was cold. Excruciatingly cold. _

_I tried to disentangle myself from its paralyzing grip and forcefully kicked and clawed towards the surface as I had been taught, but something even colder blocked my way to freedom. I screamed in terror, ignoring the fact that I was allowing more of the freezing water into my system, and fervently slammed my hands against the smooth ice until my hands numbed and would no longer move. It felt like my heart grew double its size and slowed its pace in a desperate attempt to keep me alive for as long as possible, even without air, but the piercing cold permeated my body from both inside and out. It was tormenting, the brutal clash between my body and the water, life and death, and all I could do was to wait it out. The rational part of me knew that I wouldn't be able to resist for much longer._

_When my muscles finally were too exhausted to struggle, it came as a relief to me. My stubborn heart steadily came to a finalizing stop. The darkness was infinite; I closed my eyes and let go of everything, glad that the pain was gone. Unknown forces greedily sunk their talons into my flesh and pulled me deeper down, away from the frozen surface of the lake. _

_But strong arms pulled me back up again._

* * *

"Sebastian?"

The warm touch quickly drew away and I raised a hand to my cheek. I frowned; my fingers were cold as usual. _Only a dream_, I thought, both in disappointment and relief.

"Good, you're awake. How do you feel?"

I didn't immediately recognize the voice. Alarmed, I managed to find the strength to open my eyes and found myself staring up into a dark ceiling. Shock and fear jolted through me but when I tried to sit up, a searing pain shot out from my abdomen and my head spun.

As she brought her stool closer, Hange's kind face came into my view. There was a notebook in her lap and a pen behind her ear, and she was clad in uniform.

"Take it easy now," she said in a calming tone. "You're really, _really_ bruised up."

"Where…" I croaked, "where am I?"

"In the infirmary." I stiffened but only for a second; again my body screamed in agony. "You've been knocked out ever since Shorty brought you here around midday."

My first instinct was that she was lying. I couldn't be in the infirmary. Why would I? Was this another dream? But as I gradually regained consciousness, I smelled the strong odor of disinfectant and felt something soft wrapped tightly around my torso and my head. Everything, every bone, muscle and organ hurt and my frown deepened as I tried to recall what had happened to me.

To no success. There was only a blinding pain where my memory should have been. I asked my observer if she knew anything.

"Shorty did mention something," Hange answered as she put a finger to her chin. "Hmm… Oh, I'm pretty sure he barked: 'Four-eyes, I need you in the infirmary!' with that rude glare of his. And I who was really busy with the tooth… Anyways, he also wanted a scissor for your bra."

She folded in on herself, reaching to fetch something off the floor. Heat rushed to my face as she held up a slaughtered piece of fabric I only recognized due to its pattern.

"He sure was eager, wasn't he?" She grinned and my face grew even redder while I pulled up my blanket to my chin. "I'm sure you can stitch it back somehow… someday."

"O-Oh, thanks for saving it…" _I guess. _"And thanks for patching me up… but did Levi say anything about how I was injured?"

"Oh, that?" She shrugged and dropped the bra on top of the nightstand. "Something went wrong during your test with the Maneuvering Gear. You hit the back of your head pretty bad and took a beating to to your ribs. I wouldn't suggest you to do situps anytime soon."

I blinked. Horror washed over me as my brain worked through her words. I couldn't breathe. "I… I failed?" I whispered, my throat tightening at the words.

"Hmm…" Hange said hesitantly. "I don't know, but you really shouldn't worry about that. Surely, this was an accident."

"How could it have been an accident?" I hoarsely exclaimed. She averted her gaze and I attempted to rise again, too panicked to bother about the teeth-grinding pain. "No… no, no, no! I can't have failed! I just… I-I can't! Hange, please—"

"Lie down," she commanded me in a tone that clearly left no room to protest. I instantly obeyed and her harsh expression smoothed. "Please don't make this any harder for me than it already is. Levi asked me to look after you but you're already tearing yourself apart. What can I do to make you rest?"

I hadn't noticed it at first, selfishly distracted by my own anguish, but Hange looked tired. Exhausted, really. The flickering candlelight on the nightstand may have exaggerated the shadowy hollows and angles in her face, but I was still the cause of her plight. Shame strangled my throat and I swallowed nervously.

"Sorry," she said, misinterpreting my silence as fear. "I've just been busy all day and now, due to your accident, I'll have to ride to Stohess in the middle of the night."

Hange put emphasis to the word "accident" and I bit back an angry reply, knowing that she was only trying to be nice. Instead, I decided to focus on her strange mission.

"It's a district of Wall Sina, right? What are you going to do there?" I wondered as I touched my forehead, rubbing my fingertips against the bandage.

She seemed confused, but reassembled herself in a second. "Oh, it's nothing, really," she said with her normal, cheerful voice. "Just gonna set up some things for a friend…ly visit."

"Right…" I answered awkwardly.

Hange frowned but then abruptly got to her feet, almost knocking her stool to the ground. She must have forgotten the notebook in her lap and as it slipped to the ground, a flurry of papers escaped its tight confinement. Some of the smaller notes managed to find its way onto my blanket, caressing my arm as they landed, and I grabbed a sheet, instinctively raising it in level with my eyes. I only managed to read the first few lines before Hange snatched it.

"That's… nothing," she sternly said and put it back into the journal. Before I had a chance to speak she went on. "I better get going now since you're awake. Erwin wanted to speak to you but maybe it should wait until tomorrow…"

"The commander?" I asked, temporarily forgetting the contents of the note. "Why would he want to talk to me? Does it have anything to do with…" I shuddered. My voice was weak when I continued. "...with the result of today's test?"

Hange shrugged and gathered the rest of the papers on my bed before she tucked them between two pages in her notebook. "Maybe," she pondered, although she sounded skeptical. "But it's probably about the other thing. Anyways, Sera, please don't go anywhere; I'll send someone to switch with me since you might have a concussion. And I'll see you tomorrow, hopefully."

She hastily glanced at me, her brown eyes revealing concern behind the lenses of her goggles, and then started to the door. She paused just before she exited, her jaw tensing, but said nothing more. The door creaked shut and I was left alone.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, letting out a breath I hadn't even been aware I had held.

_What did I just read? That is impossible. It must be.  
_

Someone entered the infirmary. I peeled open one eye to see who it was but closed it just as quickly.

"Go away," I muttered and attempted to turn to my side, biting down a moan as my body protested against my sudden movement. "Did Hange only find you to babysit me?"

"Don't be immature, stupid." Two hands gripped my naked shoulder and forced me back into the mattress. Sharp, silvery eyes pierced into mine and a familiar scowl was etched onto his handsome features.

"You're surprisingly strong for being such a short guy," I stated dryly. We were so close I could count each and everyone of his long eyelashes and although his complexion was as enviously spotless as always, I noticed the first signs of aging: there were slight wrinkles around his eyes and the skin was taut over his cheekbones. He was still gorgeous, even more beautiful than I could remember, and I dreadfully realized that he would always make my heart ache in longing. The thought would have burst me into tears right now and then if my pride hadn't stopped me; I didn't need him to antagonize me for my biggest regret in life, especially not when I did it well enough on my own just by being around him.

Levi snorted and promptly straightened, unaware of my inner conflict. A hand still lingered on my skin but it was probably just there to assure I would remain on my back rather than to comfort me. It still gave me solace, though.

"And you're even worse with the Maneuvering Gear than I thought," he retorted and glanced at the nightstand. "First thing you do is to slam into a tree, embarrassing yourself in front of the brats. Fucking great job."

I blushed and resisted the urge to put my hands over my ears. Eren's face flashed before my sight. "About that…" I soaked my lips. "I don't know what happened this time but I promise you that if I get another chance, I'll make it work. I… I know I can still do it."

To my surprise, Levi didn't respond with an insult. He pulled away from me and perched on the same stool as Hange had occupied earlier, crossing his legs and arms in an elegant posture. A heavy sigh escaped his lips and he creased his forehead.

"What?" I asked, puzzled by his reaction. "You don't believe me?"

Levi didn't answer. The dim lighting created a dark aura around him and painted dramatic shades across his already well-defined face. He, too, looked exhausted but if it was because he was forced to tend to me or because he was simply tired I didn't know. I shouldn't really care but I did, and as I blamed my aunt and Miriam for making me so sympathetic during the years at the clinic, I decided to try to make small talk with him.

"So, how's Petra?" I wondered as I stared up into the ceiling. It was uncomfortable to turn my head sideways. "I haven't seen her in… a while."

It had been five years since I had last heard of her. I had met her through my brother and Miriam; she was one of the members of Levi's squad and Miriam's childhood friend. Initially, I had enjoyed her company the few times she followed me, Miriam and Sebastian to different bars but when I realized she only came whenever Sebastian managed to drag out his grumpy squad leader, I stopped liking her even though Levi assured me that there was nothing between them. I couldn't really deny that she was a good person, motherly in her ways, but it was impossible for me to overcome my jealousy and when things finally ended with Levi, I had taken distance from her and everything that could remind me of him. I hadn't wanted to hear her petty inquiries about my welfare through the letters she passed via Miriam and Sebastian, knowing all along what she would ask when she thought I'd had enough time to get over my heartbreak.

If I would allow her to be with Levi. As if I had to grant her my blessing before she could claim him as his. Needless to say, I had never replied to her. And needless to say, she eventually stopped writing. Sebastian hadn't had to come up with excuses to leave every time I asked about his work and the subject landed on the two. I knew. I could only hope he would break her heart like he had demolished mine.

I had gotten so deep into my musing that I hadn't noticed Levi's absence of answer until the silence almost suffocated me. It surprised me; he wasn't exactly talkative but neither was he a silent person who would have nodded me an answer. I frowned and turned my head sideways with a half-hearted taunt about when they were going to marry on my tongue, but I stopped dead in my tracks as I saw his face.

The cold silver in his eyes, the condescending, criticizing glare I was so used to seeing was gone and he stared emptily at nothing in particular. His face and strong shoulders were relaxed but not in a pleasant way, simply hanging lifelessly at the mercy of gravity, and his lips were slightly separated, as if he couldn't breathe properly. I had seen the same expression only twice before: once when my mother had found out about what had happened to her parents in Shiganshina and once very recently.

I was looking at my reflection the day after I had heard about Sebastian. It was a warning that no matter how content we are within the walls, no matter how happy we live and spend our time in this world, we stand powerless in front of the titans. It reminded me of humanity's curse, our permanent predicament, that no matter how powerful you might become, you're born into a horribly gruesome world where no amount of hatred or love, sorrow or joy could ever compete with the absolute dread that the titans spread.

Because we are, after all, only human. There's a limit to all of us.

The burning pain I felt when I attempted to rise was nothing compared to the violent, torturous agony I felt when I saw Levi in that state, but my body wouldn't let me reach out to him. I wanted to comfort him, tell him that everything was going to be alright, and for once I didn't feel disgusted with myself for my wish. Nobody, not even Levi, deserved to suffer a loss of a loved one and especially not at the hands of the titans. I suddenly remembered what Eren had said the day before yesterday, in the infirmary.

_I let them all die by not changing into a titan from the beginning. If… if I had only fought with them, they might have despised me for going against orders but at least they would be alive. They died… Sebastian died protecting me._

"_They"_, I thought, feeling my cheeks drain with color. _He even said it several times but I didn't take too much note of it… I should have realized._

"Levi?" I tried. "Are you alright?"

Immediately, his demeanor changed. His gray eyes froze, his graceful stance returned and his jaw tensed. His features contorted into a characteristic scowl and he snorted.

"Why wouldn't I be?" he replied coolly, his voice revealing no other emotions.

I made an effort to sit up again but he was quick to push me down this time. I let him without putting up with any resistance, happy that he no longer was numb—I couldn't put in word how terrified it had made me to see him that way.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I know she meant a lot to you—"

"Not really. It was never like that," Levi interrupted. He wasn't trying to shrug it off; he was bluntly sincere, but not in a malignant way. He was being himself. "They all fought well."

"'All'?" I repeated, furrowing my brows in confusion. When I understood I tried to get up again. "Wait, you mean—"

Levi snorted. "Tsk. How troublesome you are," he cut off and changed seat, his hip brushing against mine as he sunk down on the mattress. He placed a steady hand on my shoulder. "Sebastian wasn't the only one who died, Sera. They all did."

"How?" My voice broke. I was too distraught to bother about our sudden intimacy. "They… they were amongst the very best. My brother was second only to you!"

"My squad protected Eren," Levi answered in a low tone. His silvery eyes were harsh but not at me. "And I wasn't there with them."

"Why?" I was fighting furiously against my tears. "What really happened out there? What kind of… _atrocity_ did you come across? How did my brother die?"

He sighed and looked away into the distance, contemplating something with himself before he turned his gaze back at me. "We were trying to lure out another titan-shifter from hiding," he began. "She was after Eren so we used him as bait and when we succeeded to capture that ugly bitch, we split up; my squad would get the brat to a safer place until we had dealt with her. But she managed to escape and I was too late when I found them… Sebastian was the only one who was still breathing."

I covered my face with my hands, adamant to not let him see me cry even though he could probably feel my trembling. Levi paused at my motion but then continued.

"I couldn't stay with him to the end and neither did he let me—the titan-shifter had taken Eren. I tried to make it back as fast as I could but he had disappeared by the time I returned. There were carcasses of several titans and traces of so many more; Sebastian had led away a horde to protect the others. I had neither time nor gas to try and find him."

I wept uncontrollably. After a moment of silence, Levi's hand vanished from my shoulder and so did the weight next to me.

"Shitty-glasses told me to keep you awake for a couple of hours," he said softly. "We don't have to talk but try at least to stay conscious. I'll be back with some tea."

I merely nodded. My throat was too stacked up with tears and stifled moans.

"Don't try to move," Levi ordered before he left. "You're still too weak."

And for once, I fully agreed with him.


	10. Chapter 8: First Contact (Part 1)

**Chapter 8: First Contact  
**

The sun beamed at my cradled shape and filled the large room with warm, pleasant glow, almost as if it tried to purge me from the night's horrors. I instinctively shaded my squinting eyes from its bright rays and swallowed, my viscous saliva scraping all the way down my sore throat. My whole head pulsated agonizingly in rhythm with my heart and I sat up to quickly unwind the many layers of bandage, desperate to free my skull before it felt like it would burst. The binding loosened and eventually fell off, and I exhaled in relief as the headache subsided.

That's when I realized I was sitting.

I kicked away the blanket and hurriedly came to standing, unwrapping myself from even more bandage. The familiar shape of my naked torso came into view and I pressed a hand to my bruised skin.

_It still hurts_, I acknowledged, my excitement dampening, _but I feel much better now. That note must have been about something else._

As a precaution, I rearranged the soft fabric around my upper body and decided to get some food. My uniform was nowhere to be seen and the nightstand was empty; I vaguely recalled that Levi had thrown away my bra sometime during the hysterical sobbing. I started towards the door when it suddenly opened and mentioned man entered.

"You look like shit," he greeted as he eyed me from head to toe, his silvery eyes lingering at my torso. He was absolutely gorgeous in expensive black trousers and well-polished shoes, a gray, ironed shirt with a white cravat around his neck and collar and a matching, one-colored blazer that hung casually over his strong shoulders. I caught myself staring like an idiot and quickly shook my head in an effort to clear my thoughts.

"I… I slept well, thank you," I rasped angrily and cursed inwardly for my lack of self-restraint. I needed to stay cool if I were to ever be able to speak reasonably with him.

Levi arched a slim brow. "Someone's in a bad mood."

"Then we're two," I countered.

He snorted. "Whatever. Put on some clothes—we're leaving."

I folded my arms over my chest. "I'm not going back to Karanese," I said hoarsely, panicking at his words. I hadn't forgotten my failure yesterday but I had hoped to get another chance. Or rather, demand it. "I will _not_ leave until I've tried the Maneuvering Gear again. I can make it this time, I promise."

"You think I'd actually _ask_ you to get dressed if you were going back?" he scoffed and shot an annoyed glare at me. "Don't bullshit me. I would've fucking dragged your sorry arse onto a horse and we'd be off already. Now get covered or I'll drag you out like that."

I scowled. "If you aren't here to take me back, then where exactly are you taking me?" I snapped.

"I'll tell you in the carriage," he replied coolly.

"'The carriage'?" I repeated in bewilderment.

"It's a vehicle driven by a coachman and his horses."

I exhaled loudly in exasperation and rubbed my temples. A brick wall would be easier, or at least less frustrating to talk to than him. "Fine. Where's my uniform?"

"You won't be needing that." The corners of his mouth twitched. "Wear something nice."

At this I stared open-mouthedly at him. Levi barely blinked as he turned around and exited the infirmary.

"Get to the large courtyard in fifteen," he concluded and lazily waved over his shoulder. "Erwin's order."

I was still too stunned to come up with an answer and when my ability to steer my body finally returned to me, Levi had disappeared. Anxious, curious and strangely excited, I hurried to get proper and get some food into my rumbling stomach before I headed to the main courtyard. I was happy that I had decided to bring the only two dresses I owned; ever since the military, I hadn't been able to get back into wearing petticoats even though my aunt, Miriam and my patients could at times reprimand me for being so inappropriate.

Levi was leaning nonchalantly against one of three lined coaches and exchanged a couple of words with a much taller, blonde man I recognized as the commander. Erwin Smith eventually went to the carriage in the front and immediately, a few soldiers dispersed to the different coaches, quickly reading the horses for departure. Levi's eyes narrowed as he saw me and a sneer formed on his lips.

"You're late, stupid," he said when I reached him and then started walking towards the last carriage.

I followed him with a frown. "What's this all about?" I asked and gestured towards the black coaches. "Everyone's in uniforms. You and I are not."

"I don't know if you've forgotten," Levi replied condescendingly, "or if you simply don't care. But I can barely walk and I'm not going anywhere in sweatpants."

"That still doesn't explain my role," I went on and tried to withstand the wave of sympathy that washed over me. I knew I should have checked the rest of his leg. "Why am I in… _civilian_ clothing?"

We reached the carriage. Levi opened the door and pressed his lips together as he quickly got into the obscure space. He perched heavily on the padded seat, immediately straightening out his left leg, and let out a breath. I waited outside and nervously rubbed my hands together, feeling too awkward to make any initiatives of my own.

"Is it really that hard for you to use your brain, stupid?" he mocked. "Get in."

I soaked my lips and ducked with my skirt in hand before I, too, entered the coach. "Stop calling me that, I'm not stupid," I replied sternly and carefully stepped over his leg.

"Tsk. Yes you are. Incredibly stupid. You make the titans seem intelligent in comparison to you."

I wished I had tripped on him, but it was too late to try by the time he finished his sentence. I rolled my eyes and sat down as far away from him as possible, pressing uncomfortably against the carriage wall. The door slammed shut and the coach slowly commenced forward, the wheels running smoothly over the ground, and it would have been very intimate if it weren't for the conspicuous frigidness that Levi exuded. His body was angled away from me and he seemed more interested in the outdoor view than a conversation. The stern expression on his chiseled features and his folded arms said enough; even though he was only at an arms length away from me, we might as well have been standing on different sides of Wall Rose.

"You…" I hesitated, afraid to break the silence. "We're in the carriage now."

"Obviously." Levi snorted.

I stiffly turned away from him and gazed out the window. There were only trees. "So? Aren't you going to tell me what's happening?"

"We're to deliver Eren to the idiots at Military since our expedition went to shit."

I twisted back to his deadpanned face and stared incredulously at him. "What? But—"

"It was in the agreement," he interrupted. "We needed to have some results, something that would clearly show Eren's titan-shifting ability to be of use for humanity, but instead we sent even more soldiers than usual to their early graves. Tsk. How fucking annoying."

He raised a hand to his head but stopped mid-ascent and then slowly lowered it. The skin over his knuckles had whitened by the time his clenched hand returned to his thigh. My brows furrowed in concern and I fought hard against my urge to comfort him. Instead, I balled my hands into fists as well and inhaled deeply. I thought of Eren, the intensity in his beautiful green eyes and the sincere kindness he had shown me even though we were practically strangers.

_What are they going to do with him in Central? _I wondered silently as I asked, "So you're just giving him up?"

"Of course not. He's playing bait again. We're going to capture the titan-shifter that murdered your brother. We know her identity and where she's at, and we're currently heading there to proceed with the plan."

I stopped breathing. "_What…_?" I whispered.

Levi glanced sideways at me, his silvery eyes glimmering like a butcher's knife. "'We' as in the Scouting Legion. You're not included, so don't even dream about helping."

"But!" I exclaimed and cringed at my childish outburst. His cryptic, incoherent flow of information made me snap; I had at least a couple dozens of questions to ask but he kept on leading the subject into things that brought twice as many inquiries. "Why else would I be here?"

His gaze hardened. "Because…" His slender fingers clutched around his leg. "Because Erwin wants to test something. The real reason why he so stubbornly insists on having you in the Survey Corps. Did you really think he would visit a former military cadet merely for the cause of economical support?"

I hadn't. I had known all along that there was more to the picture than I could see. In reply to Levi, I simply shook my head; I was too focused on breathing properly to be able to speak. He looked skeptical but didn't make any comments on my silence.

"Sera," he began.

I tensed at this. Every time he said my name, it felt like a bolt of lightning shot through my system and shocked my heart into beating irregularly. I hated it as much as I missed it, like a lethal but irresistible drug.

Levi's posture relaxed and he took a deep breath. "Did you know about your brother's ability to sense titans?" he quietly asked.

My jaw dropped. He arched a black eyebrow and snorted lightly. "I thought so. Sebastian never kept something from you, did he?"

_Wrong_, I thought in my temporary daze. _There's one thing he never spoke to me about. _Out loud I managed to say, "H-how did you know?"

"Your brother told me," Levi answered casually. His eyes were impossible to read. "And I told Erwin."

"I don't believe you," I immediately replied, my voice increasing in volume with every word. "How did you find out? What did you do to make him talk? What—"

"Calm down, Sera," he cut off and touched my shaking hands. He quickly glanced down at them and hesitantly slithered his warm fingers through mine. "You always had such cold hands, didn't you?" he murmured softly, seemingly distracted by our intertwined hands.

For a second I was paralyzed by his action, the impossibly tender gesture he had just made, but then I reacted and pulled out of his grip. Something flashed in his eyes and my body screamed aloud in protest, but I wasn't going to give in to him—and my lust—just like that. This simply proved how easily he could manipulate me—but it also proved that I was strong enough to resist.

Which meant that there might still be hope for me.

"D-don't touch me," I stuttered reluctantly and rubbed my hands together in an effort to get rid of his warmth.

Levi's eyes widened but he quickly gathered himself and returned to his normal, stern expression. He retracted his arm and glared out the window on his side of the carriage. "Sorry," he said in a low voice.

I suddenly regretted my earlier decision but it was too late to amend the situation. The wall was between us again and a coldness that I could almost touch surrounded my companion. I looked down at my trembling hands and tried not to think about what I had just lost.

"So what do I have to do with my brother's ability?" I carefully asked, although I had a pretty good hint of what it might be.

After a pause, Levi replied, "Erwin wants to see if you're also 'gifted', if it's some kind of family trait." His voice was controlled and emotionless. "I hope not."

I looked at him; his silvery eyes were still focused on something in the distance. "Why? It would greatly benefit humanity," I said bemusedly but frowned as I understood. "What's your problem with me joining the Survey Corps? Am I really that infuriating to be around?"

"Yes you are," he answered in a harsh tone. "And extremely troublesome."

Before I was able to come up with a retort, he interjected, "Let's just get this ride over with in silence. You're giving me a damn headache."

I considered initiating an argument but refrained, knowing that he would stop at no lengths to make me feel miserable. I leaned back into my seat, unaware of how rigid I had been, and turned my gaze to the window. I faintly recognized the sunlit landscape and noted that we were heading northeast, in the direction of Karanese but slightly more to the north. When the journey trailed into its first hour of idleness, my eyelids grew heavier and heavier as I stared emptily at the passing view and I soon fell asleep against the carriage wall, fleetingly thanking whoever chose our merciful road. I dreamt about darkness but it wasn't of the sinister type; it was warm and comforting, and more than happy to let me rest in its oblivious infinity.

An explosion shook the ground, abruptly rousing me from sleep. I hadn't even noticed that the carriage had come to a stop or that Levi had exited. I was frozen in place for an unknown amount of time, fear clawing at the edges of my mind, and when I finally decided to head out of the transport, I found myself in a city with finer and more expensive architecture compared to Karanese. The buildings were all painted in velvety colors and ornamented with fancy windows and doors, and the street I stumbled onto was impeccably clean and deserted of civilians. There was an alarming amount of smoke rising from another part of the city, somewhere not too far away from where I was standing, and my panic almost suffocated me when I saw the many soldiers surrounding Erwin, each of them wielding a rifle and the emblem of the Military Police Brigade. The focus of their aim darted to my shape as I came into view but before I could say anything, five slender fingers coiled around my wrist and firmly pulled me into a strong, familiar body.

"Play along," Levi whispered beneath his breath as I tried to resist. His silvery eyes were solemn but narrowed in dismay.

I stiffened but obeyed, letting my hands remain on his chest. He almost immediately understood that I had caught on and gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Don't be scared," he said tenderly, but loud enough for our audience to hear. "I won't let anything happen to you."

I swallowed but it wasn't fear that made my voice weak when I spoke. "What… what was that?"

My heart raced and I knew that I was blushing furiously, but my unsteady tone seemed perfect to make our watchers uncomfortable. In the corner of my eye I saw some of the soldiers averting their gazes, obviously feeling awkward with Levi's public display of tenderness.

Levi shook his head, something I had rarely seen him do. An old memory treacherously stabbed me in the back and I was suddenly happy that I was leaning onto him; I would have fallen if else.

"Nothing you should be bothering yourself about," he replied and I saw that he meant it. There was an unmistakable sharpness in his gaze. "Do you feel any better?"

_The explosion… it must have something to do about capturing the titan-shifter and now he's asking if I feel anything_, I understood. I inhaled deeply but instantly regretted it as the fresh, manly smell of his skin and aftershave literally made me swoon. I couldn't think. Levi must have felt my loss of balance because he quickly brought me into his arms, something that didn't exactly ease my plight. My heart dunked so hard he must have felt it through my chest.

"Sera, are you alright?"

I couldn't trust the concern in his voice. I couldn't even trust my body. It felt like I was chained and unable to wake up from my most horrid nightmare ever, but the feeling was even worse since I knew I was fully awake.

The sound of another loud explosion filled my ears and a blinding bolt of light erupted from somewhere to the north, the bright pillar instantly zigzagging towards the sky. The bright light lasted only for a couple of seconds before it faded, yet managed to make all other colors seem gray in comparison during its ascent. It snapped me out of my frenzy; I was too busy being stunned by its raw beauty.

_Something like that_, I thought numbly, staring even after the source of my attention dissipated, _can simply not be human. That must be the cause of a titan-shifter._

"Traitor! What the fuck is this supposed to mean, Erwin?! Titans in Stohess?"

I registered a dark-haired man aim his rifle at the commander. My emotions caught up to me and I quickly focused on the situation. The stranger's features were contorted in a furious expression, his eyes were narrowed into slits, and the soldiers around him copied his movement. I fleetingly acknowledged that he was their superior before another voice stole my attention.

"Sera."

I looked back at Levi, a frown etched onto his features. "Did you feel anything?" he asked quietly.

A heated argument ignited to our left and when I instinctively glanced sideways, I saw the dark-haired man grab Erwin Smith by his collar and growl something between gritted teeth.

"Oi, stupid. Get it together," Levi hissed.

I returned to him and shook my head. "N-no, I didn't feel anything, not really," I whispered.

His frown deepened but there was relief in his silvery eyes.

"Levi."

Levi disentangled himself from me. My cheeks flushed with color; I hadn't realized how hard I had held him. Erwin turned towards us, handcuffed but stoic, and his steady, ice-blue gaze traveled from my shocked expression to Levi's unmoved face where it stayed.

"Remain put," he said.

A blood-curdling noise echoed throughout the city and I whipped my head at that direction. It sounded inhuman, ferocious and terrifyingly mad, and made the ground and the windows revibrate in symphony. I had never heard anything similar ever before and I found myself trembling with an almost animalistic fear. All my senses told me to run and get away from the sound, anything to avoid being seen or found by whatever its owner was.

I wasn't the only one to be shocked senseless but the dark-haired man, the one I understood was in charge, quickly gathered himself and called out orders to his soldiers who also tried to stay calm. Two military police members brusquely grabbed Erwin by his arms, whereas the latter obediently complied and listened to every demand. Levi pressed his lips together, shaping a thin, grim line, and faced me. His eyes were stern and unbreakable.

"Go with them," he commanded me, still maintaining a low voice even though I had a hard time believing anyone would still listen to our chat. "As useless as Nile, his pathetic excuse of a mustache and his troops are, they'll at least be able protect you."

"And what about you?" I asked heatedly. As scared as I was, his condescending tone easily brought out the anger in me.

Levi snorted. "Are you doubting my ability to take care of myself? Against opponents like titans?"

"Actually, yes." Not to mention that I was worried. I didn't know what Erwin had meant with "remain put" but considering Levi's occupation, I had a pretty accurate guess. "You're not going anywhere with that leg of yours and the Maneuvering Gear is off-limits until I say so."

"Don't think you have some sort of thing over me just because you treated my foot," he scoffed. "I can handle the damn thing. And titans won't stop me."

"You'll hurt yourself even more," I warned, my tone turning from unwillingly anxious to plain venom. "You're bound to break something if you can't distribute your balance and weight evenly across your body and your muscles. And that's an impossibility in your condition."

"Look who's talking so much about how to use the fucking gear. You who can't even climb a tree with it."

His words struck a chord inside of me and I took a step back, my eyes widening. As ruthless as I knew he was, I had temporarily forgotten it during our short charade; I cursed inwardly at my weakness and mustered up a brave face. "Fine," I snarled, too frustrated to care if anyone actually did listen. "You know what? Just go ahead and slam into a building. What do I care?"

"Tsk. Get lost already," he replied in a frigid tone. "You're giving me a damn headache."

I strode off towards the soldiers without giving him as much as a look. My eyes stung with the weight of my suppressed tears, but I was able to hold them back as well as swallow the lump in my throat.

"Nile, take her with you," Levi called from behind me, concern rounding the sharpness in his voice. He was a good actor, I had to admit. Anyone who didn't know him would probably think that the disgust was genuine worry. "Get her to somewhere safe."

The dark-haired man stopped in his tracks and looked at me with his forehead creasing before a determined demeanor returned to his face. He nodded towards Levi and urged me to come closer. Most of the soldiers had been scattered and only a small group remained with him and Erwin. The commander's eyes carried a question as I passed and I shook my head very slightly; he understood and set his gaze straight.

"We'll escort you beyond the wall," the dark-haired man announced in a hoarse voice. At closer proximity, I saw that his hair was black. He looked older than both Levi and Erwin but I guessed that it was simply his mustache that made him seem that way, the former both being clean-shaven. "I hope you can move quickly. "

I realized just now what I was wearing. He thought I was a civilian and Levi's girlfriend at that. I would have blushed if the situation was different but another primal scream, followed by a rumble, shook me down to my bones, and I was immediately brought back into the gravity of the situation. I wished I knew what was going on, that Levi had told me some concrete details during the journey, but I understood that he didn't want me to participate in any of it and had purposefully chosen what little to reveal. I hated the way he was treating me, as if I were a little child that needed supervising, and his overall toxic personality didn't help. Even though I tried my very best to keep my head cool and not be bothered by his insults, I couldn't stop caring.

I glanced over my shoulder. Levi was looking in the direction of the howl, his arms folded over his chest, but was quick to notice me. Our gazes locked; his silvery eyes revealed nothing but hostility.

"Miss, he'll be alright. We need to get you to a safer location. Now, I need to know if you can move fast."

I tore away my gaze from Levi and turned forward. "Yes, sir," I quietly replied.

The dark-haired man's eyes hardened. "Then we better start going," he concluded and turned to his troop. "Christoph and Ben, scout ahead. Sophie, watch the rear."

"Yes, commander!"

My body started moving with the rest of the group but my mind remained with Levi. I looked back one last time and saw him walking in the other direction, towards all the smoke and commotion. He suddenly stopped but I had already passed a corner before I could see for what.

I only hoped he wouldn't die.


	11. Chapter 8: First Contact (Part 2)

_Rated M for: Detailed descriptions of gore, violence and death_

* * *

The horrific wails of the dying made the hairs on my neck stand on edge. I wanted to stop and help them, try to quench their pain and take away every bit of their suffering, but the leader of our party was adamant to stay on the move. I had caught his full name once and piecing together the small clues, I realized, to my grand surprise, that not only was he the highest ranking officer amongst the currently present military police soldiers, but he was the commander of the whole branch. It was Nile Dok in flesh, as real as a human could ever be. I briefly wondered how many famous profiles I would meet before I would be kicked out of the Survey Corps.

The thought made me frown as I almost had to jog to keep up with the tempo of our group. We were rapidly crossing countless of narrow alleys and wide streets, small town squares and residential areas, navigating through what seemed like a giant maze. I simply followed, trusting that Nile Dok and his scouts knew their way around, and so did the rest of the troop. At times I tried to make eye contact with Erwin or voice a general question, but the handsome commander of the Survey Corps seemed too busy with his thoughts to notice and none of the soldiers were keen on answering. I could see the look of plain terror on their blank, pale faces and I realized that obeying orders was all they could do for now. They were all on the verge of breaking—only their discipline kept them sane.

I couldn't blame anyone of them. My hands were trembling even more than the ground and my bruised ribs were aching due to exertion. The bestial roars, the shattering rumbles and the constant throbbing beneath my feet were impossible to pinpoint to a certain location; I guessed that Commander Dok was trying to take the route furthest away from danger, but the nightmarish growls and slams only seemed to grow louder and louder with each step. The buildings were too tall and I was too short to see beyond their tiled roofs but not seeing the monsters, the cause of all the destruction, made everything seem even more dreadful. I didn't know how many they were or how they looked and just the thought that they could burst through the avenue anytime, anywhere, made my skin crawl.

I tried to put aside my fear and it worked, but only if I focused on other things.

_I'll be forced out of the Survey Corps now for sure. I don't know what Sebastian meant by "feeling titan movement" but I don't feel anything out of the ordinary, _I thought as I absent-mindedly glanced into a dark passage. A wave of nausea instinctively made me press a hand over my mouth and I immediately looked away from the broken body. Buried beneath a giant piece of rubble I had no idea to where it had traveled from was a scarlet heap, a mess I only recognized as human due to its tiny arms and legs. The willowy calves that peeked out of the blue dress and the shoed soles were faced upwards; the stone had struck the child from behind. I hoped she had died instantaneously as I quickly swallowed my rising breakfast.

So far, our journey had proceeded in solitude but suddenly, our group came across a boulevard filled with civilians. I had been too distracted to hear the commotion any earlier. Women and men, young, middle-aged and elderly, all moved with the same hunched, almost toppled over posture, and their slim, soft hands unused to work clung desperately around their most precious belongings, which could be anything from a large painting, an ostentatious jewelry box to an important file with documents. I even saw some people carry large, decorated suitcases or furniture and drag their heavy load over the cobblestone, away from where the large part of all the smoke billowed up into the sky. They gushed out of the fancy apartments bordering the streets like water wrenched out of a wet towel and the clamoring and the chaos was absolute. Children were set aside, ignored or also forced to carry important possessions far too heavy for their thin, juvenile physiques, and I saw a woman hysterically scold her twins for dropping a vase. Two men were at each other throats, screaming angrily while waving their hands in the air. The rage and the panic seethed in the air; I could almost smell it.

A low murmur surged through our party. The two soldiers holding Erwin were pale-faced and sweaty, looking as sick as I felt, and the man behind me muttered a long row of profanities before a woman—Sophie, I remembered—caught up with us and reprimanded him for his language.

"What the hell is going on here?" exclaimed a soldier to my left, a very tall woman with golden hair and narrowed green eyes. She hurried to her halted commander's side and gestured reproachfully at the scene. "Where are the evacuation troops? This isn't organized at all!"

"Don't you think I know that, Cayla?" hissed the dark-haired man and looked over his shoulder. His face revealed ambivalence; he was torn between helping the citizens and something else. "Damn it! Where—"

A humongous tremor drowned out the rest of his sentence. The earth quivered and moaned in symbiosis with a fierce scream before a pole, followed by a gush of dirt and smoke, knocked me to the ground. I was able to catch my fall but tore up the flesh on my palms and elbows as my body connected to the cobble and a sharp pain resonated through my lower back. I couldn't see anything through the smoke and my ribs hurt more than ever due to whatever had struck me. I made a move to lift away the warm, pole-shaped object from my chest but it relocated by itself and a feminine groan escaped from a mouth very close to my ear. Green eyes in a brighter and softer shade than Eren's, more like the leaves of an apple tree than expensive emerald, opened slowly and the soldier awkwardly gained a crouching position as she realized how close we were. My eyes widened as I realization struck me.

_Where is Eren?_

The smoke gradually cleared and at an arms length from me I saw the commander of the Military Police Brigade on his back and blinking in confusion before he sat up and coughed lightly. I mimicked his movement with a grimace and shook away my thought; I had to focus on the current situation.

"Cayla," the dark-haired man breathed as he got to his feet. "Close call. Thank you."

She stood up as well, saluting as she looked down at him. There was dirt on her forehead and left cheek. "Anything, commander."

I swallowed and stiffly rose. "What... happened?" I asked breathlessly, supporting my torso with my arms.

Nobody answered. Nile Dok silently turned towards the avenue, his strides long and determined. The soldier named Cayla had pushed us back into the alley we came through and I followed him out of it with my eyes squinted, trying hard to see through the alleviating smoke. But as it eventually rose, I wished it had remained.

The avenue was in ruins and thus, the people.

I glanced behind me; the soldiers and Erwin were unharmed, albeit the former were clearly shocked as they came after their superior. The commander of the Scouting Legion was simply stoic and observed the devastation with an expressionless demeanor. I could scarcely believe how controlled someone could be in the midst of this gruesome havoc until I realized why and quickly faced forward, disgusted to my very bones.

He had seen worse.

Fragile fingers, pale and aristocratic, clutched to their treasures with fervor even in death. Lifeless bodies buried beneath large amounts of rubbish, dust and crumpled masonry were spilling out all their red gold, what they as living really should have cared about. The blood was everywhere, staining both the expensive buildings and the random objects scattered across the boulevard, and mixed with the stench of grime and sweat. A few, hoarse voices cried out, both in pain and horror, as their owners also saw their surroundings or found themselves a part of the vile decor. I would have shrieked too if it weren't for the fact that I would hurl if I allowed my mouth to open. So I kept my lips tightly pressed together and tried to calm down my quickening breathing and increasing heart rate.

"We'll soon be there."

I wanted to close my eyes but it was an impossibility for the route that the commander took, as I had to watch were I placed my feet so I wouldn't step on a corpse. Twice I almost lost myself. The first time was when I walked over a woman; she was lying flat on her back, her brown eyes opaque and empty as they stared up into mine and something meaty oozed out the side of her skull, soaking her long, dark hair. I fought back the urge to throw up and kept on going. The second time was when I noticed a man that had been smashed but only partly; the weight of the masonry had burst the flesh of his very generously sized stomach and released his intestines to trail down his blue trousers. The man's gray eyes were still kindled with the unmistakable flame of life but his body was unmoving and not far from the sweet salvation of death.

Our party nimbly maneuvered through the dead, dying and the debris in a line and although we moved slowly, we somehow managed to find a way to the other side. I almost shouted in relief as we got away from the avenue; I would never forget what horrors I had seen.

"Cristoph! Ben!"

The blonde and green-eyed soldier called their names several times and in all directions. Her voice bounced harshly off the building walls adjacent to the slim side street that Commander Dok had steered us into, a loud noise compared to the aftermath behind us.

"Where are you?"

There was no reply and after a moment she quieted. I wanted to comfort her slumped shape but one look on her face was enough to silence me. She didn't need my sympathy.

"We can't stay here," ordered Commander Dok quietly. "Let's continue."

There were a couple of weak agrees and we got back into our earlier pace. Erwin still didn't say anything and neither did anyone else. We were silent, our footsteps doing the talking for us, and although the sound of the titans drew nearer, there was nothing we could do since we were running out of city parts to cover—the Wall was getting close.

I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and it wasn't only terror that made it hard to breathe. My legs were growing numb and unsteady, and I knew I would collapse soon. Still, my weak, unskilled limbs were the last thing on my worried mind.

Levi.

_Get it together, _I thought heatedly. _He's humanity's strongest soldier. He of all people should know how to handle titans._

_But still, a titan-shifter must differ from normal titans,_ another voice replied. _After all, didn't your brother die to one?_

I balled my hands into fists, ignoring the needle-like pain that erupted from my fingertips. It surprised me and I looked down at my palms. They were bloodied and torn and I fleetingly recalled that I had scraped them, though I couldn't have cared less about my wounds.

_No, _I decided and raised my gaze. _Levi won't die. I of all people should know._

_But what about Eren? And whoever else that might have been included or dragged into this mad, mad plan?_

I had completely forgotten the recruits but I didn't have time to come up with a reassuring answer. Our party reached a platform that was set towards a small plaza and aligned to the Wall when two _things_ exploded out of the city and into the clear area, demolishing shops where their bodies landed. Everything I knew or felt disappeared in an instant as I realized what I saw.

There were two titans in the middle of the plaza and they were locked in a horrific parody of an embrace. A blood-curdling roar escaped the blonde, distinctively female-looking one as the second, a giant with long, dark brown hair, luminescent eyes and pointy, misshapen ears, clamped around its humanoid face with a strong, clawlike hand. The former had almost no skin but consisted purely of muscles whereas the latter was fully covered with a tan, smooth complexion that stretched thin over its extremely developed musculature. Red, glowing veins pulsated beneath the skin and white vapor was exuding from every part of its body. The brown-haired titan's left forearm had been removed in the gruesomest way, as well as its right leg from the knee and below, but the severe injuries didn't seem to bother it one bit as it easily squashed its opponents face with a satisfied growl. Dark blood spurted out from between its fingers and the blonde's bellowing turned into a frenzied, high-pitched scream which shook the ground so violently that even my teeth chattered. I would have stumbled if it weren't for the green-eyed soldier, Cayla, whose quick reflexes caught my frame. I didn't thank her but neither would she had heard me—we were both too busy staring at the nightmare that enfolded before us.

Viscous blood was dripping from the blonde titan's face but its eyeballs hadn't been crushed. It elbowed its enemy and the strike connected with a loud slam, briefly dazing the brown-haired titan. It then took off to the wall, leaping up on it with strangely crystalline fingers and toes, and began climbing it. Vapor rose from its head as it slowly regenerated, its features slowly resettling into something that almost resembled a face, and a similar thing occurred to the other titan who was swift to get after its escaped pray. The brown-haired one caught the female-looking titan around its thighs and hung onto it before it started biting down on the flesh with furious snarls. Swiftly, the blonde giant unhooked its left leg from its chaser's grip and forcefully kicked it in the face, sending it flying back into the ground. The other titan fell with half a leg in its arms but the blonde didn't even seem to notice as she hurried her ascent.

_It's getting away, _I realized numbly. I was stuck between amazement and horror, and in my inability to pick one of the emotions I had chosen none. _It's gonna get to the other side of the wall. It's—_

A tiny shape took off from one of the nearby buildings_. _At first I thought it was _him_—the figure had short, raven-colored hair and a feeling of harsh determination in his or her movements—but then I realized that it was a she, and that she was too tall to be him. I let out a small exhale of relief but my breath hitched in my throat as I recognized her. It was the red scarf that gave her away.

_Mikasa_ darted through the air as effortlessly and graceful as a bird and she rose in altitude in just a couple of seconds, blades glimmering in her Operating Devices. Soon she reached the female-looking titan's right hand and soared horizontally, blood sputtering where her body passed. Gaining momentum from her first dive, she flipped around and unleashed her hooks into the wall again before cutting through the titan's left set of fingers. Unable to remain on simply its left foot, the blonde titan also slammed into the ground, its body sending a powerful gust of dust as it landed. Immediately, the brown-haired titan lunged at its pray, a deep howl coming out of its wide-opened jaws; the female-looking titan tried to scramble away from its opponent but its faint attempt only seemed to make the other titan angrier. The latter landed hard, straddling the blonde just below its hips, and brutally swung its fist into the prone titan's neck, the collision literally lifting me a foot off the earth. Something large came flying through the air, aimed straight towards where I, Erwin and our escort stood, and I was only barely able to land on my feet when the detached titan-hand clutched around the platform and shook the foundation again. Only the commander of the Survey Corps was able to stay calm; the military police had ran off, even Cayla, and I would have also fled if it weren't for my loss of footing. But perhaps it was for the best—I wouldn't have been able to stop running.

Steam and smoke rolled off the public square and its only two visitors. The blonde titan's head was nowhere to be seen and its fleshy body lay inanimate. The titan perched on top breathed heavily, both of its arms now done into a macabre mess, then lowered its fanged jaws towards the fallen titan's neck. It ripped open the taut, pink flesh as easily as if it were paper and growled again.

But then it froze.

I tried to see for what but even as I stumbled to Erwin's side by the balustrade, I was too far away. The brown-haired titan's eyes lost their eerie, cerulean glow and instead, another bright blue light erupted. I managed to register that it originated from the female-looking titan's neck, but then I had to shade my already narrowed eyes from the light and steady myself from another wave of ruthless air. There were quieter but more panicked shouts from the titan now and I peeked through two fingers, eyes squinting, too curious and fascinated to miss what happened. The headless titan's body had changed in substance and was slowly becoming something more fluid yet thick. It begun wrapping around the other titan's limbs whose screams only increased in intensity—

And there came Levi.

He was quicker even than Mikasa, as quick as a shooting star or a comet; he was a dark, ethereal being _faster than light_. I couldn't believe my eyes as he landed on top of the brown-haired titan's neck, swirled his blades with inhuman grace—like they were only an extension of his arm—and cut the nape. It almost felt like I had insulted him by comparing him to the extraordinarily talented recruit—the difference in skill was too great.

The cerulean light eventually vanished and another two figures got onto the now silent and unmoving titan. It looked as if Armin and the recruit with the light ash-brown hair moved through water after seeing Levi's speedy display. The boys fiercely grabbed at something that peeked out of the titan's flesh.

It was Eren.

"Let's get closer."

I almost jumped at his words. It was the first thing he had said before we split up with Levi; it took a moment extra for me to find my voice.

I cleared my throat. "Y-yes, sir."

The commander started walking down the stone staircase to our left, the same way the military police had gone, and we reached the ground level in silence. The titan hand gripping the platform was already decomposing in the sunlight, sending pillars of vapor towards the sky, and so were the enormous titan bodies in front of us.

"I reckon you have some questions."

That would a serious understatement. I had to force my tired legs to keep up with his long strides. "A couple hundred," I replied earnestly.

He glanced at me, his icy blue eyes apologetic. "I'm sorry for that but I didn't know if I could trust you or not. Our latest expedition was a catastrophe just due to that: betrayal within our ranks."

It sounded reasonable. "Oh," I said. "Was that why you paired me with Levi?"

"Yes." Erwin didn't seem surprised of my guess. "And he also said he personally wanted to keep an eye on you."

I frowned. _That's just typical him. No wonder he didn't tell me anything_—_he thought I might screw this up._

"I hope you aren't insulted," he went on. "I had to minimize the risks—just imagine if something else had gone wrong today and how many more people would have died."

"I-I'm alright, sir," I replied, my face draining with blood as I remembered the dead. "I… I guess the mission's a success? You caught the other… titan-shifter." _Sebastian's murderer._

The commander nodded curtly. "Indeed. Today was a great victory for mankind."

I opened my mouth but then hesitated. I was afraid to hear his answer but I still couldn't abstain from asking. "Am I…" I began. "Am I going to—"

Shocked cries and gasps interrupted me. I looked about; soldiers carrying the emblem of the Survey Corps had filled the plaza, although some were from the Military Police Brigade. Most of them were gathered around a large, bright blue crystal that was buried deep within the decaying remains of the headless titan, while some evaluated the crumbling bone structure of the other monster and the rest were forming a perimeter around the area. At first I thought the crystal was what had brought everyone's attention: It emitted a soft light in the exact same hue as the cerulean light from earlier and judging by the many broken blades around it, I noted that it was impenetrable by steel. I had a very vague feeling that I had seen something similar before but immediately dismissed it as foolishness; it was probably just its alien beauty that attracted my attention. But as my eyes traveled to find Levi, I found what everyone, even he, was looking at.

There was a titan in the wall.


	12. Chapter 9: Aftermath

_Author's Note:_

_Thank you for all the support this story has gained so far. Every favorite/follow/review/normal view is highly appreciated and gives me that extra push to continue writing even in this atrocious weather. _

_Enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 9: Aftermath**

"Erwin."

I tore my eyes away from the face in the wall but only because his voice had startled me in the otherwise quiet plaza. Levi swiftly started towards where we stood, or, at least, as fast as he could—there were bound to be consequences from his earlier act—, and his gorgeous mouth had tightened into a grim line. His silvery eyes were ruthless and quickly scanned the crowd until they narrowed and focused on Nile Dok's shocked face.

"You have to…" someone panted, "you must hurry to _cover its face_!"

An elderly man clad in a black cassock came running down a western street, his thick, golden necklaces clattering and glimmering in the sunlight. I recognized him to be one of the wall preachers, or as Sebastian had called them: wall fools. My brother had disliked them almost as much as he had despised the Military Police Brigade and although my memory could be incorrect, I remembered it to have something to do with how they opposed to the way the walls were armed and maintained, which further made such preparations difficult and forced to be discussed in military court. Personally, I didn't have any issues with them and both Miriam and Lydia were firm believers, frequently visiting the local chapel even with Sebastian's complaints.

The preacher hurried to a certain auburn-haired woman and mumbled something in a breathless voice as he folded over, leaning his tall body on his knees. Hange's expression stiffened but before I could get closer, Levi had reached me and Erwin, and so had the commander of the Military Police Brigade. It seemed like the preacher's appearance had broken the spell that had kept everyone frozen and staring at the horrifying thing in the wall and suddenly, everyone began breathing again. Even the weather seemed to exhale and the soothing breeze was very pleasant in comparison to the harsh, dirt-filled winds that had whipped throughout the scene of the titan-shifters' brutal battle. The silence was replaced with loud arguments between the soldiers from the two fractions.

"Nile," Levi spat as he turned towards the man. He stood so close to me as his gear would allow but didn't reach out to touch me, something I was more than grateful for; I hadn't realized how worried I had been for him—for no reason, obviously—and I didn't think my heart would take any more hysteria. "What the hell are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to find cover?"

The brown-haired soldier on Nile Dok's right side stiffened at Levi's acid tone and opened his mouth to retort just as harshly when Levi's focus landed on him. Instantly, he bit down on his bottom lip and visibly shrunk away from the shorter man's gaze. The noticeably tall, green-eyed soldier who had saved my life once and my backside equally many times stood on the commander's other side with a tense expression on her pale features, ignoring Levi completely. I had yet to thank her for her kind deeds but the situation didn't call for such a courtesy; she seized a yet quiet Erwin by his shoulder and checked his handcuffs before looking at her superior.

"I wanted to get them out of the fray and take the safest route to beyond the wall," replied Commander Dok heatedly after nodding at the woman. "It was our best option, considering the horrible circumstances you fools plunged us into. What did you even think? The city suffered severe damage thanks to your little stunt and both soldiers and civilians have died! To what purpose?"

"For humanity, Nile," Erwin answered instead of a sneering Levi. I glanced up at him; his icy blue eyes burned with fierce determination. "Everything that happened here today has set us on a course towards a better future."

His words were hard and confident but Nile Dok looked unmoved. "Talk to the higher-ups about that, will you? I've had enough," he growled. "I will have to take you with me, Erwin. Comply or we will use force."

The commander of the Survey Corps was calm. "I have no intentions on resisting. I shall follow you."

"Good." Commander Dok seemed to be wanting to say something else, but then refrained and turned to each of his subordinates. "Cayla, move out. Ivan, stay and assess the situation."

"Yes, commander!" they called in unison and saluted.

Levi and Erwin exchanged quick glances; Levi nodded ever so slightly and waited until the commander was led through the angry mix of soldiers, towards the edges of the plaza, before he took a step away from me. I took it as a sign that we no longer actively were trying to avoid prying eyes and sighed in relief—I was completely fatigued. It slammed into me like a fist and stripped away what little strength I had established through adrenaline, making my body wobble unsteadily. My eyes tracked my surrounding for somewhere to perch upon, but I soon concluded that the simple ground would have to suffice.

"Get up."

I folded my legs and buried my forehead into the uncomfortable valley between my knees, curling myself into a defensive ball. I didn't want him to see my face; he would surely mock me for my weakness. "I'm too tired," I muttered truthfully into the fabric of my dress.

"Tsk. You're getting all dirty."

"Do I look like I'm in any condition to care?" I snapped.

There was a loud exhale before slender fingers snaked around mine, but instead of grabbing me and pulling me up to standing as I thought he would do, Levi's grip remained loose. His fingertips tentatively traced the now solidified blood on my palms and I flinched as he was too harsh over a particularly deep wound.

"Let go," I murmured and stubbornly raised my chin. I was too weak to pull away on my own and instead hoped to intimidate him to leave.

A vain attempt. Levi merely arched his black eyebrows and his hands remained coiled around mine, gently now, only a feathery touch—clearly oblivious to my words. I fleetingly noted that we were the same temperature for once before he crouched down in front of me and turned my palms upwards. His handsome, well-defined face distracted me, but not more than the fact that he had held my hands for the third time that day.

"How do you feel?" Levi demanded as he scrutinized my hands.

I frowned at his unfriendly tone. "Just fine. Now let go of me."

His silvery eyes pierced through mine, relentlessly and analytically. It was evident he didn't believe me. "Don't tell me you fell," he scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't." I begun retracting my arms but he held on firmly. "Please, just let me sit here," I pleaded, my voice breaking towards the end. To my embarrassment, I realized that I was on the verge of crying. "I need a minute to breathe out."

"You're in the way of everyone."

I examined my surroundings. Hange had assumed the role as leader and was directing the members of the Survey Corps to different tasks, the preacher yet by her side. The soldiers listened intently and then split up, some starting with the preparations to tow away the large crystal with some horses while others headed towards the wall. The Military Police were listening to orders from the brown-haired man named Ivan and most of them dispersed, spreading out over the rest of the city to find survivors. I admittedly resigned and got back onto my feet, Levi mimicking my movement and dropping my hands as he straightened. I caught something familiar on the other side of the plaza, a flash of golden hair dragging away someone with droopy, emerald eyes, but when I started towards the two recruits, Levi caught my wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?" he wondered as his gaze followed mine. His face twisted into a characteristic scowl. "You need to get yourself cleaned up." My arm was raised in a disapproving manner. "Your forearm is bleeding."

I yanked it away from him. "Stop telling me what I can and cannot do," I snarled.

The soldiers closest to us stared incredulously at me but I was too spent to care. Levi's deadpanned face was what I focused on as I went on.

"I'm _fine_, so stop bothering." My voice increased in volume. "I know you think I'm torture to be around but believe me when I say it's just as horrid for me to be with _you_. So why won't you just do us both a favor and stay away from me? I'm not a child, I can take care of myself!"

I stalked away from him, fuming. He didn't follow and neither did I want him to; his presence practically drove me insane. I could only hope he would stay away permanently but reason told me that he would torment me for as long as I remained in the Survey Corps.

Which actually might not be for much longer.

"Eren!" I called over the commotion. "Armin!"

Armin raised his gaze in surprise; Eren sluggishly attempted to peel open his eyes. The latter was being hauled on his back and over the ground by his much smaller friend, and I hurried to get to them, concern weighing down my chest at seeing Eren's weak, almost limp shape. I constantly excused myself through the throng of soldiers and reached the recruits at the same time as Mikasa arrived with her Maneuvering Gear. As I saw her gracefully land just a couple of yards away from her friends, I couldn't stop myself from clumsily blurting, "You are amazing."

The muscles around her mouth and jaw that had been tightened in worry until then abruptly slackened and her dark eyes were rounding as they settled on me instead of Eren. I felt my cheeks redden while I tried to find a way to explain myself without sounding out of my mind.

"I-I…"

I seriously contemplated slapping myself in the face but decided that all it would achieve was to make me look even more like a total fool. I cleared my throat and tried to amend the suddenly awkward situation.

"I didn't mean to say that out loud," I continued nervously. I would have rubbed my hands together if I could. "Sorry."

Mikasa didn't reply but quickly turned to Eren. I thought I could catch a blush on her cheeks but it disappeared by the time I crouched next to her and the other two recruits. My legs complained and I grimaced as I landed on my rear instead.

"Eren?" Mikasa said softly. "Are you alright? Eren?"

The brown-haired boy failed to open his eyes but I could see that he struggled beneath his eyelids. Armin sank down to the ground as well—Eren's torso falling heavily back onto his fragile chest—and wiped the sweat from beneath his fringe with a sleeve.

"He's… been out of it ever since… we got him out of his titan," he told her, slightly winded. "I don't think he's hurt… only tired."

His blue eyes then turned to me and he furrowed his brows. "Sera…" he began hesitantly. "I… I didn't think you would also be here."

"Neither did I," I responded a bit too harshly, "but here I am. Though I didn't know why until the carriage stopped and I found myself in… Stohess, it is?"

"Yes." Armin's lips moved a while longer but then stopped. His frown deepened and he asked, "Sera?"

It asked him to repeat himself; it just struck me that Hange had mentioned something about going to Stohess in the middle of the night.

_So this was what she had planned for_, I mused. "_A friendly visit". Right. If demolishing one of the four districts of Wall Sina is what you call a friendly visit, I definitely don't want to know what you would do if you were actually trying to harm someone._

"Sera, did you hear me?"

Before I could reply, Hange approached our tiny gathering with the fourth recruit I recognized from the castle at Trost. I hadn't forgotten that I owed him an apology; he still refused to look at me.

"You better get out of the city," Hange said earnestly. "Things will get pretty rough here and Eren barely looks conscious." She pointed north. "Take the alley down there and follow it all the way to the gate. Someone will be waiting for you with a wagon."

Armin nodded and looked at me. "Sera, do you think you can carry my sheathes?" He raised his gaze. "And Jean, could you take Mikasa's?"

"Of course," replied the recruit eagerly. I, on the other hand, could not say the same.

It took me quite the willpower to be able to rise again and I almost lost my balance as I stood erect. Mikasa also rose and locked her remaining blades into their seats before detaching the large metal boxes from the core device.

"Here," she casually said as she presented the sheathes to the taller recruit.

He took them with fervor and tucked them beneath his slim arm with ease, making me feel a bit more secure. It took Armin a bit longer to remove the boxes and when he was done, he carefully got to his feet and lifted up Eren with Mikasa's help, taking their friend's heavy arms over each of their shoulders. They had already gotten to the beginning of the street by the time I managed to stack up and balance the two sheathes on top of my arms, but the recruit with the light ash-brown hair had remained by my side. As we slowly began walking, my fingertips gripping tightly around the edge of the bottom box, I thanked him for his patience.

"It's nothing."

I swallowed hard. "I'm Sera," I said in an effort to start a conversation.

"I know," came the blunt reply.

I blushed and took a deep breath. The smell of steel and dirt filled my nose and I wrinkled it. "I… I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for earlier," I said. "I… I had to prove myself."

"By punching the living hell out of me."

I cringed. "I'm so sorry," I said quietly.

"You shouldn't be."

I stared up at him. He shrugged.

"So you aren't mad at me?" I asked bemusedly. "Then why have you been avoiding me?"

"Well, at first I was really pissed," he admitted and glanced ever so briefly at me. His brown eyes were almost the same color as his light ash-brown hair and although they gave him a very haughty expression, it was evident that he was being sincere for the moment. "And I sure as hell wanted you to feel the same… until you got your ass kicked by the corporal." He gingerly rubbed his neck with his right hand. "Had kind of a bad conscience for wishing that."

I would have gotten annoyed if it weren't for the fact that I recognized his dialect. There was something utterly familiar in the way he emphasized the vowels in his curses and how his tone lowered towards the end of his sentences. It wasn't really _that_ obvious; I was only able to discern it due to years of being tormented by a similar voice.

I frowned. "You're from Trost, aren't you?"

This time, the recruit's eyes remained locked with mine, large and surprised. "How did you know?"

"You…" I set my gaze forward. "You talk a bit like my brother."

He was quiet for a while. Even though Mikasa and Armin were carrying Eren, they were moving faster than us. I knew it couldn't be due to my companion—not with his horse-legs—and then it fell on my fault that we were getting so far behind them. But I was glad we were out of earshot; I had wanted to speak to him alone. I just hadn't thought it would make me cry.

"Sebastian was a good guy."

I closed my eyes and slowed my pace even more. I could feel my tears burn behind my eyelids.

"Shit!" he suddenly exclaimed, panicking at my reaction. "I really didn't mean to…"

I shook my head and tried to get my emotions in control. "I-I'm fine." My throat was constricted with pain and I swallowed, hard. "Seems everyone knew him," I then stated as dryly as I could, reopening my eyes.

"Well." He scratched the back of his head. "He was that kind of person."

I hurried my steps; the other recruits were far ahead of us. "Yeah. He was."

"Uhm…" My companion hesitated. I could feel him examining my face before continuing. "Thanks for apologizing, by the way. It wasn't necessary but I appreciate it."

I nodded.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

His voice was soft and caring. _Why are all the recruits so nice? _I wondered. _Has there been a change in the military? Because I don't remember passing through something like that._

"I am too," I murmured in reply before clearing my throat and regaining a semi-normal tone. "But we don't have time to ponder in the past, at least not for now. Let's pick up the pace before we get too far behind."

"Oh, right." He paused as our steps quickened. "I'm Jean."

My lips automatically curved into a weak smile. "I know," I repeated.

* * *

"Thank you."

My eyes widened and I flushed. "E-excuse me," I stuttered, dumbfounded. "But for what?"

Mikasa dipped her head into her scarf, hiding her mouth and the tip of her nose. Her dark eyes were locked onto my hands; she carefully cleaned them and occasionally dipped her soft towel into the bowl of tepid water next to her, staining the clean surface with my blood. The smell of iron and wet hair clung heavily to the air.

"Thank you for what you said earlier," she said, her voice muffled by the fabric.

I remembered and blushed even more. "Oh. No problem."

There was a considerate pause as she picked out a tiny stone from my flesh and dropped it into the bowl. I opened my mouth to break the silence when she enigmatically interjected, "You know, it's odd."

"What is?" I wondered and furrowed my brows.

Mikasa hung the cloth over her shoulder and reached for a fat bandage roll behind her. "The way you look at the lance corporal," she answered neutrally.

I almost rubbed my hands together but she caught my wrist before I could move, giving me a steady gaze. I gave up with a sigh and she started wrapping the white fabric around my palm.

"How so?" I parried, hoping to steer away the subject from me. "What do you think of him?"

I grimaced as her grip around me tightened. "He's not a bad person," she stated in the same flat tone, but then her voice hardened and froze as she went on. "But one day, I'll make him pay for what he did to Eren."

"What happened?" I anxiously asked, shuddering as I recalled a none too pleasant memory involving a man who hadn't know when to back down. The stranger had been way too drunk even for fun and probably been rejected by all other women in the whole bar before he strolled over to me and Miriam. He was desperate to get something out of his fruitless evening… and Levi had made it unforgettable. "And why?"

"It was necessary," Mikasa reluctantly admitted as she finished up my left hand and began probing the other with the damp towel. I bit down a groan as the material pulled at the edges of my wounds. "The lance corporal needed to steer up the situation somehow but he definitely went too far. Eren threw up blood for days."

"What?!" I exclaimed, my eyes widening

Mikasa bandaged my right hand. "He won't get away with it," she murmured, more to herself than to me. "He will pay."

We were quiet after that. The girl inspected my arms but the shower had managed to remove all the blood and dirt; my hands had taken most of the fall. Mikasa quickly treated my elbows before she gathered what she had brought with her and moved towards the door.

"I better find Eren," she said, as if she had read my mind.

I wanted nothing more than to follow but knew better than to push my body any further today. I wouldn't have been able to take care of my injuries or get any food without Mikasa's assistance, much less maneuver through the unknown castle without her helpful shoulder to lean on—she didn't need to exhaust herself anymore with me.

I wound the large towel tighter around my head and rolled down the sleeves of my borrowed shirt. "When will you be back?" I wondered halfheartedly—I was skeptical to seeing her return— and glanced meaningfully at the second bed in the room.

"I'll stay with him."

_Thought so. _"Okay," I grunted, stifling a yawn. "Thanks for the help."

Mikasa gave me a nod before she hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. Immediately, I exhaled and allowed myself to fall back onto the comfortable bed. I turned so that I aligned myself with the wall and carefully stretched out, my hands and toes gently pressing against the wooden bed frame. One glance to the stone floor revealed a soft, deep orange glow coming from the closed window.

I closed my eyes but the mercy of sleep was still far from reach. I was tired beyond belief but my brain refused to calm down. The day's horrendous events had marked me surely for life and dragged me into the reality of my situation: I was weak. A simple civilian in anybody's eyes. I was good for nothing else but being Levi's fake girlfriend, which, for the matter, only had been to sneak me into the city to see if I had Sebastian's ability. And I hadn't felt anything out of the ordinary.

Fear clawed at my lungs and I found it hard to breathe. I tore off my towel with a frustrated groan. "I couldn't even make the stupid Maneuvering Gear work," I almost sobbed as I placed my hands over my face, ignoring the fact that I was speaking to myself. "I'm nothing… I'm useless… Levi was right."

As soon as I had said his name, I regretted it. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about him—or the past.

Levi Ackerman.

His name brought the familiar state of not knowing whether to sigh in longing or annoyance. Every harsh word, criticizing glare and venomous touch was more than enough to upset the delicate beam scale I had used to perfectly balance my emotions during my whole life. I had always been able to remain cool no matter what, would it be the night I woke up to the sound of the family dog being butchered, the late evening Sebastian told me about the fire that had robbed us of our home, our father's life and our mother's sanity or the countless of days I spent in Karanese's many bars getting so drunk Miriam had to watch me throw up in the backyard. I had never really felt involved in anything. I had been able to… shut off my emotions and look down at myself from another realm, somewhere so distant that I couldn't be reached by worldly pains. It was cowardly, yes, but I would have gone mad if else.

This ability to observe myself from an outer perspective—a stranger's—made me obnoxiously arrogant and horribly naive and sure of myself. The fights I got into was just a violent play with excellent actors and stunning effects; the brave heroine always overcame the bad guys. The men I met were brief, inadequate and eventually boring; the woman was always in the right and whenever it went wrong, it was because her suitors treated her unjustly. My aunt abhorred my destructive lifestyle, especially since Miriam got caught into it, and she and I were constantly at each others' throats. My life was dwindling down into a pathetic, repetitive form of existence. I was a plague, a horror upon all those unfortunate enough to meet me, and Sebastian's constant absence wasn't too much of a help.

But the day I met Levi, everything changed.

At first glance, I didn't even think twice about him. Sebastian had surprised me in some bar I no longer remember the name of, accompanied by the glum figure, and quickly introduced us to one and another. He was certainly handsome, but shorter than what I usually preferred and with an atrocious personality. We knocked heads already from start, with me being as arrogant as I was and Levi being… well, _Levi, _and I disliked the rare occasions he accompanied us to the city. But when I finally decided to make normal conversation with him, even cracking a joke or two, I found out that we had more things in common than I had initially thought. Miriam and Sebastian blamed us for being the most pessimistic people alive, but we were simply being straightforward with each other and that lead to a very unexpected friendship. He wasn't the easiest person to be around and we could often get into heated fights due to our equal stubbornness, but he made me feel _alive_ for the first time since my parents had passed. Levi Ackerman was a cruel challenge to endure but somehow he intrigued me, like a difficult riddle or a puzzle with thousands of pieces, and I just had to know who he was beneath all those layers of indifference.

This search brought me down to the ground, back into myself, and when we shared a drunken—well, I was drunk; Levi never drank alcohol—kiss a couple of months after we had first met, I realized that I was feeling something real for him. And Levi had replied similarly. He would rarely show any signs of affection in public but I didn't mind; it simply made it so much sweeter whenever we were alone, holding hands as he escorted me home or trading improper touches in a dark alleyway. He took me out of my depression and I desperately wished that I was helping him just as much—but I had obviously not sufficed for whatever darkness he harbored within himself.

I hadn't been able to find out who he was and would probably never be able to. Levi was lost to me forever.

My blurry sight roused me from my reverie, eyes welling with frustrated tears. That's when I noticed someone had been knocking on the door for an unknown amount of time.

"Who is it?" I asked with a sniffle. Horrified, I reached for the towel on the floor and wiped my cheeks. "Mikasa went to Eren," I added, thinking that he or she might be looking for her.

"It's me, stupid," came the muffled reply.

I swallowed and stared at the door.

"You died or something?"

I frowned and cleared my throat as discreetly as I could. "Get lost," I then snarled.

The door unexpectedly opened and I was frozen in terror as Levi stepped in. "If you want to keep people out, you oughta at least lock yourself up…" His voice trailed away as his silver gray eyes scrutinized me from head to toe, briefly pausing at my hands and hair, and he arched a brow as he finalized his analysis of my hot face. "Have you been crying?"

I furrowed my brows. "No," I adamantly lied and lowered the towel.

"Then what's up with that look of yours? Are you constipated?"

Exasperation slowly replaced my sentimental sorrow and I was able to roll my eyes. "Maybe, just maybe, this time I am," I said with as much sarcasm as I could muster.

Levi closed the door and turned to me with his arms folded over his chest. "That's your business," he coolly replied. "But I thought you might want to hear about your position at the Survey Corps."

I stiffened again. "Tell me."

He snorted. "Although I had planned for you to take off to Karanese already tonight, it seems you won't be leaving any yet." His jaws clenched together before relaxing. "Shitty-glasses has this theory that Sebastian's _gift_—" he said the word with disgust, "—was unable to track titan-shifters. That should explain why you felt nothing in Stohess."

"It makes sense," I acknowledged, still not understanding the source of his tense posture. "And what's the problem with that?"

Levi's eyes narrowed slightly at my accurate observation. "She convinced Erwin that you need to be 'tested'," he muttered with a scowl. "I decided against his choice, but he wouldn't listen. He wants you on the next expedition."

My jaw dropped. He continued with gritting teeth.

"Even though you can't even use the Maneuvering Gear, he's willing to risk it. And guess who's supposed to train you," Levi went on and raked a hand through his black hair as he exhaled loudly. "_Fuck me_."

I gathered myself, knowing I was blushing at his words. "So," I began nervously. "Does that mean I'm still in the Survey Corps?"

He glared at me, stretching out the moment for almost a minute before he nodded once. A wave of relief flowed over me and I had to look down at my hands to hide the smile on my lips. I was too excited to care about the fear that rose like bile in my throat—this was what I had been waiting for even before Erwin Smith had shown up on my aunt's porch to grant me a second chance.

"Oi."

Calloused fingers roughly brought my chin high. Cold, silvery eyes dug into mine and his hot breath rolled off my cheeks like a threat he had yet to even make. I was too busy straddling my fluttering heart to move away from him, already being fragile from my recollection, and simply met his gaze.

"This isn't some kind of game," Levi sneered, his handsome face inching closer. "It's fucking dangerous out there. You could die."

The atmosphere suddenly sparked with something else but hostility. I could feel the blood rushing to my head as my brain desperately worked through its exerted resources trying to find out why Levi's face was so near mine.

"I…" I attempted. "I… know."

"Then you should go home."

His voice was oddly velvety, gentle even, and very convincing. I almost found myself agreeing but caught the words on my tongue; I refused to return to Karanese. Not when I had the chance to finally do what I had always wanted.

"No," I replied as harshly as I could, which was quite an accomplishment since I was all but trembling beneath his touch. "I must try, at least. I won't be going home anytime soon, Levi."

Levi was silent for a while, our eyes locked in an eternal struggle of wills, but then whispered something so quiet I wasn't even sure he had spoken in the first place. It took my overloaded mind too much time to piece together his words and Levi let out an impatient snort before he rose and let go of my cheek; I hadn't even noticed that his hand had moved. He said nothing when he stormed out of the room as fast as his left leg allowed him, but the way he slammed the door after his departure gave me enough information—he had been sincere.

I numbly reclined into the mattress and looked up into the ceiling. Finally done with the sentence, my brain happily tormented me with the phrase. I was happy that Levi had left because I wouldn't have been able to answer.

What possible reply could I have given: "Not even for me?"


	13. Chapter 10: Shattering

_Author's Note:_

_Warning, following chapters __**will**, I repeat _**_will_**_,_ _contains spoilers for the upcoming season two of Attack on Titan. Readers familiar to the manga version won't have anything to fret but to everyone else, I'd advice you to consider twice before continuing._

_Enjoy._

* * *

**Chapter 10: Shattering**

It sounded like someone tore the door straight off its hinges.

Immediately, I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I bemusedly tried to remember when I had fallen asleep. When I finally regained somewhat of a consciousness, I found the obscure room illuminated with the help of a lantern. Its warm glow reflected back on Levi's pale face and his silvery eyes narrowed at my dozy form.

"Get up!" he angrily barked.

I blinked. "Did you… did you just kick down the door?"

Levi ignored me and limped to my side, placing the lantern on the nightstand. In the now naked doorway, Hange's face peeked forward.

"Yo… Corporal, you shouldn't have been so violent," she complained and held up a hoop completely cramped with keys. The metal pieces barely made any noise as she teasingly wiggled the ring in the air. "I had the keys, you know. Hi Sera," she then absentmindedly added.

"What is…" A yawn drenched my voice and filled my eyes with tears. "...going on?"

Levi didn't answer; he was too busy trying to find my other boot.

"Well," began Hange as she carefully stepped over the fallen door, "Shorty here is officially throwing a royal fit."

"Shut the hell up," Levi replied coolly and ducked to the floor, digging out my boot from underneath the bed. "This isn't exactly something you can shrug off. Put your shoes on," he ordered me and handed me the now complete pair.

I frowned and looked between the two as I obeyed. Levi rose and fished out a napkin from his chest pocket, quickly wiping his hands with it. His eyes revealed nothing but hostile frigidness; I couldn't find a single sign that his earlier act had changed anything between us and it both irritated and relieved me, although I quickly decided to lean on the latter—I didn't need any drama. Hange smile was rapidly fading and something grave flashed across her visage as she observed me.

"What is going on?" I repeated and stood up on unsteady legs.

"You're going back home," spat Levi.

I flinched at his acid tone but before I could answer, Hange interjected, "No, you're not."

If looks could kill, Hange would have been a pile of ash. But to everybody's fortune, no such power had been granted Levi—he would have destroyed the world.

"She's absolutely _not_ going out there," he snapped and crossed his arms over his chest. "Not in her puny condition."

Hange adjusted her spectacles, pushing them up her forehead and fringe. "Eren is worse," she said in a sober tone. "And it's obviously better if she follows rather than sending her to Karanese."

Both Levi and I stiffened at her words. I was worried for Eren but I highly doubted that Levi shared my concern for the emerald-eyed boy. Why couldn't I return?

I swallowed and tried again. "What is—"

"Maybe you should just leave her here? She'd be safe and you would know where she was," Hange carefully asked. "The evacuation procedure has probably made it chaotic in the districts, so this would be the best place."

_Evacuation procedure?_

"No," Levi sternly replied. "It was wrong of me to trust the military-shitheads in the first place. Tsk. I won't make the same mistake again."

"Hello?!"

I waved my aching arms over my head. Their surprised gazes turned to me and I realized that they had forgotten about me. Getting even more infuriated, I harshly went on, "What the _heck_ is going on right now? What are you talking about? Did you two just impulsively decide to wake me up in the middle of the night—" I pointed accusatorily at the dark window, "—to have some kind of audience to your bickering?"

Hange bit down on her lower lip; Levi's angular jaw tensed.

"Of course not," replied the woman apologetically and averted her gaze. "We'll explain more on the way. Come on now, there's no time to lose."

"Four-eyes," Levi said between gritted teeth. "I don't know what kind of shit you inhaled before you came to me but you better get rid of that stuff, because you're unusually dense even to be you. She _cannot_ go out there."

Hange pursed her lips. "But since you're going, maybe she can—"

"I'm still here!" I snarled, furious at their complete disregard for my presence. "Neither of you are telling me what's actually going on! How difficult can it be?"

After a tense pause, Hange heaved a sigh and finally explained. And what she said scared me even more than the seemingly constant news of my family members' death or the traumatic memory of the night in the frozen lake. I would gladly withstand both over and over again, suffer them countless of times more, rather than live to a day when I had to hear what she just informed me. I wouldn't have believed her if it weren't for Levi's tightly balled fists and the deadly silver in his eyes.

"Wall Rose…" Hange murmured, her face paling, "...has been _breached_."

* * *

The wheels knocked over a particularly large rock on the otherwise rather even ground and the bump bestirred me from sleep. I must have reacted pretty visibly because I heard a condescending snort to my left.

"You better not have drooled," Levi dryly stated.

I frowned in confusion until I realized how stiff the left side of my face was and instinctively raised a hand to my cheek. The skin was warm and covered by strands of damp hair. I quickly draped my hair to the right side of my neck as I felt myself grow hot in the face; I had a fairly accurate guess to what Levi meant but since I didn't want to jump to hasty conclusions, I decided to ask.

Levi turned towards me with a sinister glare. "You've been sleeping," he replied in a scornful tone. "On me."

"Why did you let me then?" I muttered as I furrowed my brows.

He didn't answer and I was too tired to bother forcing it out of him. I wished I could shuffle away from him but the seat was a tight enough fit already, with me, Levi, the wall preacher from earlier—I vaguely remembered that his name was Nick—and Hange huddled up together. Levi's leg and hip awkwardly ground against mine whenever the cart caught on something, which, fortunately, wasn't too often but caused me to blush every time.

I faced away from him and clasped around myself in a vain attempt to retain whatever warmth I had stolen from his admittedly comfortable body. A chilly breeze caressed my burning cheeks and I inhaled deeply, cleansing my mind from Levi's lingering fragrance, while I regarded the passing landscape. The air was cool and the night sky was covered with misty clouds, shrouding the glimmer of the moon and the stars. The dark firmament cast a sepulchral spell over the scenery below it, turning the otherwise green, lush fields to endless ribbons of gray and the occasional castles to ghastly shells with empty, lifeless yards and black, hollow windows that stared right back at me.

Not much had changed since I had last been in Wall Sina. What little I had managed to see in Stohess only confirmed what I had suspected the people of the inner districts to be all along: prosperous, disdainful and materialistic. I could see those traits even out in the open; the castles were excessively ornamented, constructed simply for appearances rather than functionality, and abundant with perfectly cropped trees situated by human hand. It was obvious that the denizens of and within Wall Sina revered beauty and riches above anything else and although I, too, could understand the charm of the whole ordeal, I couldn't help but to pity them for treasuring all the wrong stuff in life.

Born in an average, middle-class family and never having either too little or too much money to spend, my brother and I were taught pretty early on how important wealth was and wasn't. Both of my parents had claimed that as important as it was to be able to use money for adequate food and shelter, there was a definitive line between surviving and wasting. And so it came as a major surprise when my father spontaneously announced that we were going on a vacation to Wall Sina, the wall infamous for their frugality and egoism. We were supposed to stay for a week but Sebastian mysteriously got sick already at day one. My father decided to stay in the tavern with him, suspecting that my brother was suffering a temporary food poisoning, but when my mother and I returned to our rooms after a day of joyous eye-shopping, I had barely recognized Sebastian. His frail, juvenile body had been the color of ash and as he finally raised his head from the bucket the innkeeper had been kind enough to lend, I saw that his familiar blue eyes had been void of any emotions but one.

Pain.

We returned to Trost the same day and never resumed the journey even though my father promised me that we would. It took about a week of solitary treatment until Sebastian was restored to his usual self and when I asked him about the reason to his horrible state, he had laughed it away as being homesick and ruffled up my hair. That naturally got me on my bad mood and I had chased him around until twilight, making me forget to ask him again. Because even though I was sure that my brother had never lied to me, not even once, I knew that he sometimes avoided telling the whole truth.

That's what made him such a potent liar.

_How strange that I remember it in such detail_, I suddenly mused. _Sebastian got sick already in Hermiha and I always blamed him for ruining our trip into Wall Sina… If only I had been more mature and moved on; I wouldn't have spent so much time trying to be mean towards him in a stupid, childish way to administer justice._

I exhaled and shut my eyes. _Stop it_, said a reasonable voice. _There are more important things to ponder on. Sebastian wouldn't want you to cry every time you think about him and neither would your parents. You have to move on._

_Of course, _I sleepily replied. _But it's easier said than done. Sebastian always protected me from harm and he was there whenever I needed him. He never wanted me to join the Survey Corps even though our parents pushed me to enter there and he advised me to go to the Military Police even though he hated their cowardice. He always shielded me from everything, even mom and dad__…_ that fire was awfully convenient when I think about it…

I had fallen asleep by the time the wagon reached a large, wooden stable and warehouse at the southern gate of Hermiha District. I woke by the eeriness in the air and the ceasing of the wheels, and shook my head as I regained consciousness. Eren blinked a couple of times as Mikasa gently nudged him awake and we looked at each other in mutual confusion.

"We're here," said Mikasa and jumped down from the cart. She turned around and looked between us both. "Let's go."

"Y-yeah, of course," Eren replied and got off as well. I followed them as they began walking towards the building but briefly glanced behind me when I heard a child wail after its parents.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

Hundreds, if not thousands of people were trudging on the street in a straight, seemingly endless line, empty-handed and with their eyes gloomily fixed onto their feet. Their fear was palpable, like an invisible barrier that separated them from me, and the ominous silence made shivers run down my spine.

_They've given up._

I began towards them, eager to convince them that there was still hope, that the situation eventually would be solved, but then I realized that I actually didn't know what to believe myself. I harbored very much respect for the military, especially the Survey Corps, but the cause of Wall Maria's fall had been by a single breach through Shiganshina. If the reports were true about Wall Rose, it, too, would fall, no doubt about it.

_How foolish I am_, I reprimanded myself as my heart started beating faster, whether out of terror or adrenaline I did not know. _Of course they're right to be afraid. Only a fool wouldn't be. What will happen to Karanese? Lydia and Miriam? My mother? What will happen when humanity is forced within the innermost wall? What—_

"Sera."

As usual, a shudder involuntarily ran through my body when he mentioned my name and accompanied by the much taller preacher, Levi approached me from the direction all the people were heading. Nick looked horrified but gradually regained a stoic composure while Levi was as unfazed as usual. My eyes immediately dropped to his left leg and although he walked too slowly for me to notice any limping, I knew that he was hurt.

And somehow, that hurt me.

"Hey, stupid. I'm talking to you."

My sympathy vaporized and I glowered at him. "What is it?"

Levi cocked his head towards the warehouse. "Get moving. I don't want to be chasing you around either."

I obeyed with a sigh, having seen his revolver earlier. As much as I doubted that he would actually shoot me, I knew that I couldn't be too careful around Levi. He, the preacher and I quietly went inside the brightly lit stables where I saw Eren, Mikasa and Armin gear up together with a troop of soldiers from the Survey Corps I did not know the name of. Hange noticed us in the corner of her eye and spun around, her focus landing on Nick.

"Did you… did you perhaps have a change of heart?" she asked as she hesitantly started towards us. "You saw the people, didn't you? You saw how many they were, right? We could help countless more—no, _humanity as a whole _with the information you and your organization so desperately withhold."

The preacher was silent. I was just about to take a step forward when Levi whipped out an arm and blocked my way. His silvery eyes were solemn and I bit down a protest as he led me back a couple of steps.

"There's no more time!" Hange suddenly roared and advanced towards the preacher. Her cheeks flushed with anger and her hands had crammed into tight fists. "Don't you realize that? Decide if you're going to talk or not! Please, I am _begging_ you, Nick!"

I raised my eyebrows at her outburst even though I wasn't really surprised; I had always suspected Hange to hide a much more serious personality beneath her otherwise cheerful demeanor.

"Oi, look at me."

His neutral tone instantly attracted my attention and I turned around with a huff. Levi folded his arms across his chest, beneath the black blazer that nonchalantly hung over his strong shoulders, and I fleetingly noted that he had changed his gray button-up shirt to a white one. The barrel of his gun protruded menacingly from his left side.

"You're not going beyond the wall," he simply stated, leaning his weight on his right leg.

Hange kept on yelling and although I was curious to hear about what, I had to ignore her and focus on my own annoyance. "Are you still going on about that?" I asked him, frowning. "This is as good a time as any. It'll even be easier than a normal expedition during the day since the titans can't move too well without sunlight," I added triumphantly.

"Neither can you, stupid," Levi retorted and moved towards the wide entrance of the stable, gesturing for me to follow. I grudgingly did. "Don't you understand what madness it is to fight titans in the open? Without superior mobility you're as good as dead, and you don't even have a Maneuvering Gear. And let's not even begin to talk about how this journey isn't in the least planned—you're just going to run around in the dark like dumb-asses."

"Hange said I would be fine," I snapped and presented the only strong argument I had. "And Eren is tagging along even though he's both injured and forbidden to fight."

"Eren Jaeger is different," Levi hissed and stopped by a wooden pillar. He turned around with a deep frown etched onto his handsome features. "Cut off his arm and it'll grow right back. Fucking disgusting. And he'll be able to dodge a titan's attack with his gear; meanwhile, you're gonna be in the damn way of everyone."

I tried not to scream at him. "If I have my brother's ability, I'll be able to know when and where a titan will strike," I replied as venomously as I could. "How else do you think a guy like him was able to kill so many titans?"

This surprised Levi. His eyes momentarily widened before he gathered himself into a characteristic scowl. "So," he spat, changing subject back to me, "you're just going to hope for the best? You're gonna bet your life on something that isn't even supposed to exist?"

I groaned and slammed a hand across my forehead. "Yes, Levi," I exhaled. "Do you finally understand it now? If I really do have the same _gift_—" Levi's eyes narrowed into tiny slits as he heard the word, "—I'll have proven my worth to humanity and I'll be able to fight for a better tomorrow. If I perish somewhere along the way it'll be worth it, even if that day is today." I felt my voice waver slightly and swallowed before continuing. "I trusted Sebastian more than anyone else and if he said that he could feel the titans, he could. And hopefully, I can, too."

"You've listened too much to your uncle and Erwin," sneered Levi. "Didn't your parents teach you something called 'common sense'? You're supposed to _fear _the titans—not chase them."

"They taught me to fear nothing." My words triggered a memory but I steadily went on as I automatically rubbed my bandaged hands together. "I've wanted to be a part of the Survey Corps for as long as I can remember and there's nothing you, or anyone else for that matter, can do to stop me." I frowned. "Why do you think I joined the military in the first place?"

"Because you're the stupidest idiot in this damn fucking world!"

I flinched; Levi was breathing through his teeth, fuming, and his eyes were liquid fires. My instincts told me to run as fast as I could but before I could react, I was interrupted by Armin's anxious voice.

"Sera? We must go."

Levi's incinerating gaze screamed of murder as he silently glared over my shoulder. I heard Armin gulp in reply.

"Hmm…? Sera?"

I whipped around and waved my hands in front of me. "I-I'm coming," I replied as casually as I could and even smiled at them. Hange gave me a confused look but the creases on her forehead quickly smoothened when she saw Levi's expression.

"Take your time," she sternly said.

"But," began Eren, his green eyes darting from me to Levi to Hange. "We… we have to hurry, we have to—"

Hange shook her head once, then addressed the members of the Survey Corps in an imperative tone. "Gather your things and get to the horses," she commanded. "I have something else I'd like to share with all of you. Nick, you can stay here; Levi will take care of you."

Eren seemed inclined to protest but Mikasa put a hand on his shoulder and held him back. Dejectedly, he followed the soldiers through a door that Hange held up, sending me a worried glance. I wanted to say something before he disappeared but the auburn-haired woman quickly ushered him out and gave me a meaningful nod before she closed the door after her.

I was _not _happy that Hange had decided to leave me alone with Levi. The preacher didn't really count since he was slumped to the ground with his withered hands pressed against his face; I didn't think he would care no matter what Levi did to me.

I was almost hyperventilating by the time I mustered enough courage to be able to turn around and I wiped away my stiff smile with the back of my hand. Levi's face was expressionless, a beautiful countenance of self-restraint and calm, but his eyes were still burning with cold fury.

"What the _hell_, "he breathed, taking a step closer to me, "is _wrong _with you?"

My fighting reflexes made me mirror his body language but he snatched my wrist before I could gain any real distance between the two of us. I tried to punch him but he grabbed my other hand mid-swing; I tried to kick him but he easily blocked me with a leg of his own. I pursued the latter tactic, hoping that I would eventually come off with a lucky strike, but he was quick to figure out my agenda and undermined it by shoving me against a pillar and push his body so close to mine that I was locked in place.

I winced at the pain that spread through my back. "You're technically assaulting a woman," I whispered, too breathless to speak normally. "There's probably at least one law that prohibits such behavior."

His grip around my wrists tightened and he pinned them above my head as I struggled to get away. My heart increased in pace and my face turned crimson at our proximity; I could feel the well-developed muscles of his abdomen press against me even through both of our shirts and it was so intimate that we might as well have been naked.

"Why can't you just listen to me for once?" Levi parried, his deadpanned face merely inches away from mine. It felt like his eyes would burn me if I looked into them for too long, but I couldn't avert my gaze. "Even though you know the dangers and the consequences, you refuse to back down. Are you mentally challenged or do you simply have a death wish?"

His words reminded me of Lydia's and roused me from my dizziness. "Obviously the latter," I sarcastically replied, "since I'm trying to make sense with _you._ I _must_ be either suicidal or morbidly masochistic, no doubt about it."

Levi growled. "Don't bullshit me. You aren't going anywhere."

"Why are you refusing to let me?" I asked, suddenly bemused. When he didn't immediately answer, I went on, "What is _your_ problem?" My face suddenly cooled. "Why… why do you care so much about what happens to me?"

His jaw tensed and he diverted his gaze. My poor heart commenced to pound even harder, so hard that I could barely hear my own thoughts. Levi's slim, tantalizing lips were so close to mine that I could practically taste them. His aftershave, the smell of his skin and clothes made my mind whirl and I felt my knees weaken.

_Is he intentionally trying to make me pass out? _I thought in a pathetic attempt to become angry. _Because if so, he's really succeeding._

I almost didn't hear him. His usually patronizing voice was empty and barely louder than a whisper, and he was almost murmuring into his cravat.

"I…" he began.

Hearing Levi hesitate broke me out of my inner turmoil—I had never seen him waver. Never even once. Not when he struck someone, hurled a sneer or touched me. My sanity seeped back into my body and I was able to speak again. "W-what is it?" I inquired.

Levi abruptly let go off me and took a large step backwards. His eyes stayed focused on something in the western wall and he crossed his arms again.

"I made a promise," he finally uttered, his voice quiet and controlled. "I made a promise to your brother that I wouldn't let you get hurt."

I was too shocked to reply. I stared open-mouthedly at him as my arms eventually succumbed to gravity and fell to my sides.

_Even in death, _I numbly thought. _E__ven in death, __Sebastian is doing everything he can to protect me._

Before I could even think of an answer, Levi turned away from me and went to the preacher. He kicked the man's legs and snarled, "Get up. We're moving."

Nick got to his feet in a surprisingly nimble manner and lowered his hands from his face. He hadn't been crying as far as I could tell, but his eyes were large and glassy and he didn't comment Levi's behavior in the slightest. Well, neither did I but I had an actual reason not to.

I just _couldn't._

The two odd figures started towards the entrance of the wooden building. The amount of people had dwindled significantly and only a couple of dozen were roaming the avenue. Nobody was looking up from the cobblestones and even though they were following the street, I knew that they were walking aimlessly and without the actual will to move. Orders were what kept them going.

"Sera."

Levi stopped and glanced over his shoulder. His silvery eyes were cold and sharper than knives, but I saw the resignation in them and visibly relaxed, letting out a sigh.

"Even though we aren't together anymore," he abruptly said, making me choke on my breath, "I want you to know that I care enough about you to wanna keep you safe, no matter what stupid vow I might have made. But I can also see that you've already made up your mind about this and as stubborn as I know you are…"

It seemed as if he were expecting a reply from me but I was frozen. Too many emotions ran through my exhausted body and I couldn't come up with a single coherent thought.

Levi frowned slightly but didn't say anything more. He turned his gaze straight, coolly sheathed his hands into his pockets and walked away from the stables with the preacher right on his heels. I waited until they vanished out of sight and held on still for a little while longer before I finally sank down to the ground and desperately tried to remember how to breathe.


	14. Chapter 11: Revelation

_Rated M for: Detailed descriptions of gore and violence_

_Also, beware that I do not follow the canon to a hundred percent or you would have no reason to read my story instead of the original works again._

_Enjoy. _

* * *

**Chapter 11: Revelation**

"Is everything alright?"

I tore away from the mane of my mare and glanced to the right. Mikasa's dark, expressionless eyes met mine and I slowly nodded. Eren's intense gaze also landed on me, his eyes clearly showing concern, and Armin swallowed hard, his blonde brows furrowing.

"You're going to tear up your wounds in no time if you keep on clutching like that," Mikasa quietly noted before setting her focus straight. The flickering flame of her torch danced wickedly across her exotic features and black, silken hair, and distracted my disoriented mind for a moment too long.

"Oh," I finally replied as she looked at me again, her left eyebrow arching the slightest. "Yeah."

Something similar to worry flashed across her stoic countenance but disappeared as soon as it surfaced. I blinked to check twice, then dismissed it as a trick of the light. I lowered my gaze and immediately discovered what concerned the girl—my knuckles were so pale that they almost glowed in the seemingly infinite dark. A drop of sweat trickled down my forehead and followed the contour of my eyebrow as I tried to concentrate on which muscles I needed to use to release my hold of the reins. Growing irritated at my constant failure, I heaved a sigh.

"Are you afraid?"

Her question both confused and surprised me. The former because I hadn't even realized how fast my heart was beating and the latter because Mikasa had asked me out loud. I had, during our short acquaintance, perceived that she was rather disinclined to communicate with anybody except Eren and Armin—not counting spontaneous, rather odd confessions, curt replies and discreet gestures—and witnessing her speak to me felt… oddly reassuring. Was it the lack of female company amongst the recruits that attracted her to me? Or was it merely a polite courtesy?

Or was it perhaps because she, too, had known Sebastian in some way?

I shrugged it away. Brooding over my brother would do me no good other than to eventually pop my brain _without_ any titans' involvement. With a faint smile, I finally understood what Levi meant whenever he said that I gave him a headache.

_Levi._

"Sera?"

"Sorry," I instantly responded and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand; a smile was hardly appropriate in our current situation. And just the thought of Levi's gorgeous face made me want to rip out my traitorous heart and mangle it.

"Did you hear me?" Mikasa wondered.

I nodded and met her gaze. Mikasa had switched hold of the torch and now held it tightly in her right hand, thus removing the barrier between us that had been of her other arm. "I did," I acknowledged and pursed my lips as I tried to come up with an adequate answer. "I guess I am," I then said.

"You don't look scared," she casually commented and resettled her gaze forward.

I furrowed my brows at her statement and tried to regain visual contact with the girl, but Mikasa's eyes were glued onto something into the distance. Eventually, I gave up and returned to suspiciously regarding the environment while I clung onto my horse the best I could. We were, after all, on titan territory now—it was only a matter of time before we would encounter at least one of them.

The thought excited me more than I was willing to admit even to myself.

I shook my head clear from any kinds of diversions and decided to focus on my task. I recollected that Sebastian had explained his ability to be somewhat of a pure, automatic impulse rather than something he had to actively switch on and off. He had told me that it was a nagging feeling deep inside his mind and heart, as a steady pressure or an inexplicable notion, and that the uncomfortable sensation intensified in proximity of titans. This was all my brother informed me the first time the subject was brought to ears, a late evening when he had returned from his first expedition, but as he continued to soar in ranks with dozens of solo kills and assists, I understood that there was more to the story than he had told me. As someone who had scored rank two amongst the top ten during his years in the Training Corps, I was well aware that he was extremely good at what he was doing but I also knew that nobody—well, probably Levi—could possibly be _that _good after only six months of service. And as I had confronted my brother with the facts, he had yielded with a laughter and stated the rest.

_It's like I know before they strike_, he had said with a proud grin. _It's like I know exactly where they're aiming their silly bodies at and can predict their movement beforehand. I don't just see or hear it; I can _feel _it from my very core._

I inhaled deeply, filling my nose with the smell of cool air, warm horse and the thick fabric of my cape. The last one warmed my heart, reminding me yet again that I was a member of the Survey Corps, but other than that, I felt _nothing_. I saw the members of our large party, many of them also brandishing a torch, and the blurry silhouettes of sparse forests spread across the fields. I heard the movements of our mounts, my ragged breathing and the occasional clinks from my traveling companions' gear. My hands were cold and rapidly numbing from pain and chilly gales whipped my hair and clothes, cutting and clawing into my skin like thousands of sharp beaks and talons, but I, myself, felt nothing even close to resembling what my brother had told me. Still, I valorously kept my attention on alert.

_Maybe, _I thought halfheartedly and subconsciously gritted my teeth together, m_aybe I've gotten used to having this "strange" feeling. And the reason why it hasn't increased yet could be because there are no titans around here. That makes sense… right?_

Two hours of exhaustive, hurting and mostly silent riding through the uncannily peaceful landscape steadily passed. A thick atmosphere of trepidation rolled off our party, almost making the air enveloping us difficult to breathe, and my heart was pounding hard against my ribcage. But unlike the rest, I was actually hoping to glimpse a titan. Unfortunately, as dawn broke through and reflected its warm shine across the land, those hopes were quenched.

I stared up into the astonishing sky, glad for the change of scenery. The darkness quickly faded and the slowly ascending sun sent a flurry of invigorating colors over the firmament, flaring life into the wispy remains of the alleviating clouds with tender shades of peach and a blushing lady's rosy cheeks. Countless of tiny, brilliant dots speckled the dark blue heavens like a trail of breadcrumbs, rejoicing in the transient, delicate moment of twilight.

The vivid spectacle brightened my mood immensely. It portrayed the perfect transition of night and day, the divine order and the endless circle of finales and preludes, and for an unknown amount of time I kept looking up, engrossed by the ethereal beauty in it all, until a somewhat familiar rumble promptly roused me from my daze. I could feel the ground quiver even where I sat on the horse and I frantically looked about with mixed emotions, direly enthusiastic to pinpoint the location of the sound. Immediately, I caught a flash of light, similar to the one in Stohess albeit a lot more confined, and slender, billowing pillars of smoke from a place merely two miles ahead of us. Although I hadn't been too focused during our ride, I remembered that I had noticed the ruins of an old castle at the exact same spot.

My face drained with color as I distinguished something on the outside of the only remaining stone tower. Judging by its muscular flesh, taut skin, protruding spine and altogether humanoid body, I understood that it was a titan and although it was clearly larger than a human, I found it much smaller in comparison to almost all of the other titans surrounding the tower. The nimble figure had grotesquely long arms to its tiny legs and ball-shaped torso, and moved with a hunched-over posture, its inwardly curving shoulders reaching high to its chin. Its skull was covered with shoulder-length, tangled strands of dark hair and its terrifying, pointy teeth glistened in the morning light like shimmering fish scale. The titan's round eyes were globes of complete blackness, devoid of any pupils or white, and glimmered with intent as they purposefully scanned their surroundings.

At first I thought that it was trying to reach the top of the tower, perhaps in an effort to get away from the many titans chasing it, but it was maneuvering itself too gently for something that would be fleeing in panic. It darted between different juts with carefully calculated and controlled movements and occasionally clawed at the titans just underneath it.

With a sharp intake of breath, I realized what it was.

"Towards the castle!" I heard Hange shout, far ahead of me and the three recruits I was riding next to. "Full speed!"

_Strange, _I thought in unease as I urged my mount into gallop. Mikasa was called to the vanguard and she forced her horse into an even faster pace, her head lowering and her left hand—she had discarded her torch since long—digging into her side as she shoot past me. Eren also increased his speed to catch up to the girl even though no orders had been given and a frightening glow illuminated his otherwise so very kind, green eyes. He sent me a hasty look but was gone before I had a chance to interpret what it had meant, and I was left with Armin. The golden-haired boy was rigid in his saddle and nervously gripped his reins as we steered towards Hange and her squad. The two of us nodded at each other before I redirected my attention to the macabre scene.

The titans were… _unnerving_, to say the least. Much more terrifying than I thought that they would be. Their eyes were large and glossy and their facial features were dreadfully similar to a human's. Their large, naked bodies reminded me of a toddler's with their soft, unmarred flesh and round, generously-sized stomachs, and they moved with a childlike contradiction of grace and bluntness. The titans were determined to satiate their infamously insatiable hunger and kept on reaching for the deftly dodging titan-shifter—the answer came obviously—until a clumsy hand soared from the crowd and finally caught it by its arm. The titan-shifter adamantly grasped onto the tower before abruptly glancing up and letting go of its hold, falling on top of two titans' heads. I shuddered as it howled in fury and began savagely biting and mauling its opponents with its feral teeth and nails, and although that initially kept its foes at bay, it quickly lost its edge when the titans managed to seize its struggling limbs. A gaunt, bald titan was first to lock itself around one of the titan-shifter's wildly kicking legs and was rewarded with a dark river of blood. The steamy, viscous fluid splattered all over the stones and a pair of shorter titans immediately begun lapping up the crimson gold. The titan-shifter shrieked in unrestrained pain, making the hairs on my neck stand erect, but didn't do anything else. It had given up.

"Sera!"

I met Hange's stern gaze. I hadn't even noticed that Armin and I had caught up to her and her troop; we were almost at the crumbled castle walls now. Mikasa and Eren were nowhere to be seen.

"Do you feel anything?" she heatedly asked, almost shouting over the howling wind.

I swallowed after failing my first attempt to speak. "Not yet!" I truthfully called back.

Hange's dark eyebrows pulled together. She was just about to reply when a loud grumble erupted and cut her off. My head whipped back towards the dilapidated fortress and I was just able to witness the tower quickly tipping towards the horde of titans, collapsing already halfway through the air, before a blast of dirt hindered my vision. I instinctively shaded my eyes with my right forearm, coughing out some of the dust that slipped into my nose and mouth, and fleetingly noted that I could finally move my hands.

"Rearguard, disperse and survey the surroundings!" barked Hange in a sharp, authoritarian tone. She wasn't fazed at all by our ride through the dirt-filled gust, much thanks to her spectacles. "Do not let any more titans come closer! Everybody else, dispatch from your mounts and initiate combat at free will!"

"Hange!" I yelled, then coughed again. We suddenly burst out of all the fume and after a moment of fervently blinking, I saw that we were riding along the ramshackle walls. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Just follow me for now!" she replied and signaled for her hesitant squad to advance forward. "You guys go on too! Don't let any titans get through to us!"

A man with short, light brown hair opened his mouth to protest but then refrained and gave Hange a nod. Together with the small troop that had been riding with Hange during the strenuous journey, he deftly launched himself directly off the horse and flew over the wall with blades in hand. Armin was unusually pale where he readied himself to my right and parts of his bangs lay slicked to his forehead and temples. I was also sweaty but the boy almost seemed nauseous as he, too, vaulted over the wall, armed and with a resolute expression across his sweet face. The now unmanned horses obediently stopped as soon as their riders abandoned them, unfazed by all the commotion.

"Good luck!" cheered Hange before she became grave again.

We were riding alone now. I was filled with dread, knowing that a titan could appear anytime and anywhere, but I trusted that Hange would know what to do if that happened. She had shown superior leadership several times by now and I was no longer baffled by how such an eccentric personality had gotten the rank as a squad leader. Still, I couldn't deny the fact that I would have felt a lot more safer with Levi around, even though he most likely would have been glowering and insulting me since the departure from Hermina.

"Still nothing?" Hange asked, her voice lowering as we curved around a corner and found safety from the ruthless gale.

I smoothed my tangled hair. Our pace had slowed considerably now and I took the opportunity to catch my breath as I shook my head in reply.

"Hmm… odd."

I soaked my lips, tasting tiny bits of grit and sand in my mouth. "How so?" I wondered in bemusement.

Screams and shouts could be heard as the soldiers coordinated their attacks. Hange tensely listened to someone's voice but then relaxed. She coiled around her handgrips, simply controlling the horse using her legs, and locked her attention onto the castle wall as she spoke.

"Nothing really," she replied with a light tone. "I was just so certain that you shared your brother's gift."

I stiffened at this and looked down at my hands. "Right."

"Your brother had his bad days," Hange suddenly said as she stood in her stirrups and tried to peek over the wall. After a couple of seconds, she slumped back down with a disappointed sigh. "He had these… mysteriously reoccurring headaches that could knock him out for a good couple of hours. Not even Shorty with that nasty mouth of his was able to bring him back to life. It wasn't really as if Sebastian were unconscious or so, but our words didn't seem to reach him. When I heard that you also had some kind of headache, the day you tried your Maneuvering Gear and… well, _failed_, I thought I was onto something."

I tried to see her face but she was still looking at the wall. "Hange," I began, frowning. "What are you trying to say?"

"You saw the note I had written, didn't you? That night in the infirmary?"

My eyes widened. In all honesty, I had actually forgotten all about it.

Hange turned to face me, a stern look set on her features. "I dismissed my first notion when I realized you weren't healing in an instant." Her eyes darkened. "I thought you were dead when Levi carried you through the courtyard and even reckoned he was going delirious because he was in some kind of denial…"

I felt my cheeks reddening but quickly urged my petty emotions away. _She's surely exaggerating_, I assured myself.

"...and after that, I concluded that you weren't a titan-shifter. I'm almost a hundred percent certain." She said the last triumphantly but her mood instantly dropped as she went on. "But really, Sera. You shouldn't have survived a fall from that height and you definitely shouldn't have been walking around the day after. Or even six months from now on. I… I don't know what to make of it. Both you and Sebastian… you're more than what you seem, aren't you?"

I was staring incredulously at her now, completely speechless and shocked by the copious amount of information she had managed to gain after only a couple of days of acquaintanceship. Hange was much cleverer than I had thought she was and that made me dumbfounded; I usually never misjudged someone's character.

_Should I tell her the truth? _I asked myself as I looked into her inquiring brown eyes. They were wary but more in a curious way than one of distrust. _She of all people should understand… but then, I gave Sebastian my word that I wouldn't speak of it to anyone._

I was ambivalent, continuously switching between different answers, but when I finally opened my mouth, it wasn't to reply.

"Hange!" I screamed in sheer, hysterical fright. "Look out!"

A blonde titan had suddenly stepped out of a tear in the stone wall with incredibly quick and agile movements, and was swinging its wiry left arm towards the perplexed Hange. She was just able to look in the direction I was gaping at before the titan's hand smacked into her side and sent her flying to the ground, unmoving. The titan then stepped to block the path, opening and closing its wide mouth as something low and guttural came out. The horses reared away from the giant with panicked neighs and my mare threw me out of the saddle before darting away into the same direction we had come from. Hange's mount wasn't as lucky; its hind legs weren't able to stabilize the immense weight of its body and the horse stumbled during its disorganized retreat. Several crisp snaps, like the sound of someone cracking a bundle of shriveling twigs over their knee, resonated from the animal's falling shape and it gave out a shriek of horror. I would have hurled if I could, but I had been knocked out of breath as I slammed into the gravel and was now desperately trying to draw some much needed air into my shrinking lungs. A pool of scarlet spread from the horse's broken body and white foam trickled out from its flaring nostrils and slackened jaw.

Something warm and slippery soaked my bandages and although I had too much adrenaline in my system to feel any pain, I knew that I had injured my palms again. The scent of old rubble, sweat and iron filled my nose and I stiffly craned my neck backwards as I raised my gaze, hearing nothing but my wheezy inhales and the grinding noise from my hands as I clenched around the jagged pebbles I had landed on.

_Why am I not dead?_

The titan was shorter than the castle wall but it still towered high over me where I sat on the ground. It looked vaguely male with its pronounced, crooked nose, broad face and sturdy, square-shaped jaw, and its tanned, sinewy body emitted some kind of extraordinary heat. Its round, honey-colored eyes were glittering with intelligence as they focused onto me, sending a shudder of fright through my body. At first my thoughts veered into the idea of another titan-shifter but I couldn't discern any human purpose in its gaze. My mind quickly organized the facts—_it was hiding in the wall crack; it took out the strongest opponent first; it scared the horses_—and I paled as I realized what it was.

An aberrant.

I was frozen in place. _They're the most dangerous of them all, _I heard my brother's voice say, recalling a morning stroll a year ago. _They're close to impossible to predict and have more than just a few tricks up their non-existent sleeves. I've only managed to kill eleven of those weirdos and all those times were a team effort with at least two or three casualties. It isn't just pure skill that you need; it's mostly luck._

The aberrant tilted its head to the right and crouched down in front of me, its eyes remaining locked with mine. I wanted to crawl away from it but my instincts told me to stay where I was and I obeyed, knowing that I couldn't trust the logical, currently infested with fear, part of my brain. The blonde titan parted its plump lips, showing two perfect rows of pearly teeth and a gigantic, fleshy tongue. Strings of drool connected its incisors and a wave of hot, humid breath whirled over me. I couldn't sense any particular smell from the titan but I still raised a hand to cover the lower part of my face, overcome with a feeling of queasiness as I tried to stifle a pathetic yelp. The edges of my vision were starting to get hazy and I shook uncontrollably even though I told myself to be as still as possible.

The titan's eyebrows twitched. Then, it hastily shut its mouth and plopped down on the ground in front of me at an arm's—my arm—length. Its large eyes were still pinned to me but other than that, it didn't move. It just stared at me, blinking once.

_I'm ready, _I thought as I accepted my fate. _Death does not intimidate me._

A surprisingly soft sound came from deep inside its windpipe and it cocked its head to the other side as it carefully approached me with an enormous hand. I shut my eyes, too scared to look anymore, and braced myself for whatever would come. I only hoped that it was going to pass fast, that I would be able to suffer a swift, merciful death before I was eaten.

But as nothing happened, I frowned and opened my eyes.

The aberrant was still observing me with its honey-colored globes and although I could feel the heat of its palm as it surrounded me, its grasp remained completely open and created a crescent barrier behind my back. It simply watched me for a moment before its mouth and throat struggled to utter a single word.

"F-frie…" it gurgled. "F-frie…"

My jaw dropped and I was no longer afraid. _Is it trying to say what I think it's trying to say? _I quietly wondered.

I would never know. I hadn't even realized that there had been compassion in its large eyes until they suddenly grew dull as a spray of blood came out of its neck. Its slayer, an auburn-haired figure, flipped through the air and landed to the blonde titan's right. Her stained blades gleamed menacingly and she rapidly flicked them in a large cross in front of her, removing most of the red liquid.

The aberrant's head drooped and its body immediately began deteriorating, sending steam from its infantile limbs. I scrambled away from its cupped hand and staggered towards Hange while trying to not scream in relief. Her spectacles were miraculously enough still in one piece and she looked completely unharmed except for some dirt on her left cheek and clothes, indicating her earlier fall.

"Sera!" she exclaimed as she saw me, her eyes widening. "I thought you were dead! Again!"

I ignored the last as I bent over and rested my hands on my knees. My head was spinning and I knew that I was merely seconds away from slipping into paralysis. I had to tell her while my memory was still fresh.

"The titan…" I panted, as if I had ran a mile instead of a few puny yards. "It… it _didn't touch me_."


	15. Chapter 12: Titan-shifters

_Author's Note:_

_Updates may or may not come less frequently since school has commenced. I apologize for the delay in advance and promise to try to write as quickly as possible. Have patience please._

_Enjoy._

* * *

_Rated M for: Detailed descriptions of gore and violence._

* * *

**Chapter 12: Titan-shifters**

A fresh, gentle waft of air circled my weightless body, playfully twirling a couple of strands of my hair around its long, invisible fingers. Initially, I thought that I was dreaming about flying or using the 3DMG and reveled in the easy, peaceful atmosphere, but as I gradually regained consciousness, I realized that I was lying on something flat and steadily elevating.

I peeled open my eyes. Immediately, I had to raise a bandaged hand to shade my face and I grimaced as I turned away from the blinding light that beamed down on me. When my eyes finally adapted to the radiance of the midday sun, I found myself staring into hard concrete. I frowned; the smooth wall looked familiar somehow, but I was too tired to reconsider the possibilities of its existence and lazily turned my aching neck to see what was on my right. Unfamiliar voices called from above and were answered from beneath me but I ignored them as I regarded the bright landscape and the now completely demolished castle quite a distance away, reminding me of what had happened. There were no titans as far as my vision could reach, which both calmed and stressed my poor nerves, but I didn't have time to ponder any deeper about the hazy memory with the aberrant from earlier before I suddenly grasped my situation.

_Why does it feel like I'm looking _down _at everything?_

I stiffly raised my head from the comfortable surface I was resting on and peeked over the wooden pole next to my arm. My eyes widened and I let out a helpless squeal as I reclined, my heart lurching into a frantic pace. I was floating on a makeshift stretcher at least forty-five yards above ground with nothing but a certain emerald-eyed boy and a slender blonde who I didn't recognize to catch me if the two ropes bound to each side of the stretcher would snap.

My whole body froze in fear and the wind that caressed my cheeks no longer provided any solitude. Although I wasn't really afraid of heights, I nervously swallowed and tried not to panic. A wire shot up from my right and I made a face as Eren's countenance entered my view.

"Hey," he greeted, amusement embellishing his intensely green eyes.

"Hey," I repeated grumpily.

His mouth curved into a crooked smile. "Scared?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I muttered, even though I knew why.

Eren launched a small, metallic projectile into the wall, following me as I was raised. I could faintly hear the sound of cogwheels working from above. "Just kidding," he answered in a casual tone, pretending to have to look for another place to attach his second hook.

I pressed my chapped lips together and took the time to study the fresh wrappings around my hands. "Did Mikasa change my bandages again?"

"Yeah."

"So much for being a medical officer," I dryly remarked as I relaxed and placed my hands on my stomach.

Eren grinned again. It was such a pleasant experience for once, to feel that I brought some kind of happiness with my presence, and I couldn't stop myself from mimicking his expression. His beautiful eyes lit up with even more joy as he noticed and almost hesitantly, he grazed his fingers over mine. My cold skin shivered beneath his warm touch but longed for more as he drew away.

"She might have overdone it," he said apologetically and averted his gaze. "Your hands are as cold as ice."

"They've been like that since I was a child," I sternly replied; I didn't like to talk about the night at the frozen lake but I also knew that I had to explain myself, lest Mikasa take the blame for what had been caused by an accident. "I damaged my hands pretty badly and they never healed completely back to normal. That's why I always rub them together—" I demonstrated for his surprised eyes, "—or keep them busy in some kind of way. If I don't move them or keep the blood flowing for a longer time, they'll start cramping."

Eren seemed thoughtful. "I always thought it was because you were nervous that you kept playing with your fingers," he said in a careful tone. Then, he settled one of his handgrips into its holster and fully gripped around one of my hands, raising himself with just a single wire. I was too shocked to blush but merely stared at our clasp.

_This feels… extremely awkward_, I admitted when he had to release his hold of me to retract his other wire, a secondary thought that breathed some color into his cheeks, but when he rearranged his fingers through mine, I regretted my earlier thought: it felt comforting, secure and reliable. At first, I thought that I found it pleasant because I finally made physical contact with someone who didn't aggravate me halfway to the brink of insanity, but then I realized that it felt good because I held hands with Eren. An idea that terrified as much as it intrigued me.

The boy didn't let go until we reached the top of the wall and I shakily had to get onto my feet while he climbed over the edge. I thanked the two soldiers that had hoisted me to safety using some kind of manually driven, mechanical device fastened to the warm concrete and they replied with curt nods as they cooperated to gather the ropes into separate sacs and disassemble the makeshift stretcher. I straightened my clothes, trying to make me look as proper as could be, and massaged a particular sore spot at the lower part of my back. A familiar voice caught my attention and I turned around to see Hange stroll in the direction away from me, accompanied by her squad and a slower Armin, Mikasa halting to look at me. I hesitated before giving her a friendly smile and she nodded in reply, tugging at the red scarf that she never seemed to be without. Further along the endless wall and following its old, unused cannon rails were the rest of the Survey Corps group that had set off from Hermina, inclusive a couple of youthful faces I was sure I hadn't seen before. They belonged to equally young, unequipped bodies but judging by the firm look in their eyes, I quickly understood that they weren't just rescued civilians. Nobody seemed especially injured except for me and a heavily bandaged girl lying on a similar makeshift bed as had been mine. I subconsciously started towards her, growing anxious at the noticeably empty spots where her right forearm and knee to below should have been, but stopped myself as soon as I saw the thin vapor that surfaced from her wounds.

I whipped around. "For how long have I been out?" I asked Eren, who had patiently waited for me to assess the situation. "And am I just tired, or is the girl over there—" I nudged my head diagonally backwards, "—smoking?"

Eren tensed. "You lost consciousness back at Castle Utgard," he obediently replied, deciding to answer my questions in sequence, "which was about four or so hours ago. And that's Ymir, she entered the Training Corps the same year as I and… she's another titan-shifter."

_Titan-shifter_, I mused. _She… she must have been that hideous creature from earlier._

Both Eren and I opened our mouths to say something and we simultaneously shut them with the same embarrassed expression. I bit my lower lip, feeling my cheeks redden, and Eren scratched the back of his head while lowering his gaze. Fortunately, before the moment could get any more uncomfortable, a stranger's voice spoke.

"Eren."

Eren turned around with his eyebrows softly raised. A brawny guy with short, blonde hair approached us, his sturdy features set determined, and right behind him shadowed a very tall, slender guy with dark, disheveled hair and a worried look across his kind face. The former had a primitive swathe around his right forearm and both were dirty with dust and sweat. The two looked at me, dark amber and forest green orbs eying me from head to toe, and I met their gazes with a mutual amount of confusion.

"I'm Reiner," said the blonde finally and gestured towards his friend. "This is Bertolt. We'd like to talk to Eren for a moment, if that's alright."

"Sera," I politely replied. They were both younger than me and it wouldn't surprise me to hear that they were recruits as well, even though they looked older than Eren. "Sure, he's all yours."

"I'll find you later," promised Eren as he gave me a quick smile.

I responded with one of my own before joining the yet still Mikasa who silently acknowledged my presence with another nod. We began walking but only barely; the girl seemed intent on waiting for Eren, constantly halting to look behind us. Reiner spoke quietly, although when I managed to catch a word or two I, too, stopped and turned around, furrowing my brows as I observed the trio. Eren discreetly glanced back towards us and Mikasa immediately stiffened, her whole demeanor changing into one of mistrust.

Before I was able to ask her what was going on, the bulky blonde promptly tore off his swathe and moved towards the slowly backing Eren with swift strides. Something similar to a nasty bite mark dissipated as the skin on his forearm rapidly healed, the process exuding a now very familiar, white, humid vapor from his pores. I instinctively backed, my eyes widening and my hands automatically leveling with my chest in a defensive manner, when I realized what exactly he was.

"I'm done!" roared Reiner in reply to his visibly paling friend. Bertolt's eyes rounded while he desperately attempted to stop his friend. "We'll resolve this _now_!"

I hadn't even noticed that Mikasa had vanished from my side until I saw her ruthlessly lunge—her hands clenched around bladed handgrips—towards the muscular blonde and concurrently knock Eren to the side with her brash advance. Reiner feebly attempted to block her attack with his bare hands but the razor-sharp edge of her sword carried too much force from its sprinting owner and simply cut clean through his right arm, stopping only when it collided with his skull. I stared, petrified, as the lifeless hand dropped to the concrete with a sickening sound and a pool of scarlet liquid instantly enveloped it. Buried deep within the length of Reiner's other arm, Mikasa disconnected the soaked steel from the handgrip and turned her focus to the horrified Bertolt. With a graceful step in his direction, like a dancer following his or hers carefully planned choreography, she swung her second blade towards his reclining head and managed to make a deep wound in his neck, releasing a flood of blood to stain his clothes. Her first victim barely seemed to believe what had happened, his eyes wildly tracking his crimson hands and the blade set deep within his left arm, while Bertolt shrieked in pure hysteria. The scream abruptly ceased as Mikasa kicked his long legs, depraving him of his already wavering balance, and swooped down on his lying shape with her single sword held high.

"Run Eren!" she furiously yelled. "Get away from here!"

Mikasa was just about to plunge her sword downwards in a fierce arch when Reiner returned to his senses and rushed towards her crouched shape. The girl was overtaken by his fast movement and unable to take a defensive stand; he tackled her with all of his weight and sent her flying over the ledge, a low grunt escaping her lips, before turning towards me and Eren, darkly eying something behind us. I perceived the hurried footsteps of several people and their panicked tones, calling for the two of us to get away from the lethally wounded recruits. A hand clawed into my shoulder, urging me to turn around, but it was impossible to tear my eyes away from the morbid scene in front of me. Fat drops of sanguine trickled out from the cut in Reiner's grim face and profusely oozed out from the interstices between Bertolt's fingers clenched around the side of his neck.

For a moment, there was complete silence as the two boys regarded us, Bertolt with fearful tears in his eyes and Reiner with cold resolve. But then, a bright illumination made the colors of the world disappear and a blast hurled me back.

Hot fume and dirt blocked my vision for several seconds and I vaguely noticed that I was flying before a lean arm snaked around my waist just before I fell off from the top of the wall. With salty water running down my cheeks, my eyes irritated by all the sudden experiences, I rubbed my eyes and tried to discern the face of my savior. Hange's rather noble profile appeared from behind a cloud of smoke, her shocked, brown eyes set on something ahead of us. Anxious but oddly unafraid, I craned my neck as well and found myself staring up at the largest titan I had ever seen, dwarfing the second titan that emerged behind it. The latter held a tiny figure in its matte, golden hand but slid down the wall before I had the chance to see who it was. Still, I had a pretty good guess already.

Eren.

_The Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan_, whispered a sinister voice in the back of my head. _The first titans to ever breach one of the Walls and the reason to your mother's first depression._

The Colossal Titan was completely skinless, its massive, fleshy body glistening like the skin of a cherry beneath the rays of the sun, and strangely incomplete, straddling the wall with its naked, ivory ribs. Forest green eyes set deep within their sockets looked down at us from a hideous face and white, impeccable teeth reached from ear to ear, shaping a permanent and perfectly symmetrical grin. The titan-shifter held something in its retracting right arm while raising its left fist aloft. I heard a female shout a name before Hange's terrified but adamant voice drenched her high-pitched cry.

"Everyone get off the wall!" she barked.

Hange's grip around me tightened as she leapt away from the concrete, shooting the hooks of her 3DMG into the wall a couple of yards below the edge. My old injuries suddenly made an ugly reappearance and I gritted my teeth in an effort to suppress any sounds of pain as I clung harder to her shoulders. We were already in the air, followed by everyone else, when an enormous arm struck the top of the wall and sent rubble and dust into all kinds of directions. A broken piece of stone flew towards me and Hange but she deftly avoided it by exhaling some gas with her handgrips, lifting us above the debris' course. Reaching the peak of the boost, we started swinging down towards the wall with too much speed. I automatically dampened the impact by bending my legs, Hange doing the same, but it still took a toll on my already weakened limbs even though the adrenaline burned like fire through my veins, eradicating all other emotions except excitement. I fleetingly registered another bright light followed by an explosion, both originating from the other side of the wall, and understood that Eren had turned as well. His titan-shape released a bloodcurdling, easily recognizable growl that threatened to deafen me and judging by Hange's stiffening body, she, too, identified the owner of the roar. The scream was then cut off by several crashes and I could nothing but fervently hope that Eren was alright; the titan-shifter that had grabbed him seemed much more imposing than the Colossal Titan I assumed was Bertolt or even the unknown, female-looking titan-shifter.

"It took Ymir!"

A small, golden-haired girl in civilian clothing yelled from her place in a soldier's embrace. Her blue eyes were round and frantic, and she fought to try to be able to turn around. I followed her gaze and saw the great titan-shifter spread its humongous jaws, throw two bodies inside the dark vault and lock them in with a loud snap.

Hange swallowed hard. "All battle units!" she then ordered, looking about to meet the eyes of her troop. "Ready yourselves for battle! As an enemy of mankind, we'll slay the Colossal Titan once and for all!"

The soldiers seemed uneasy at first but quickly gathered themselves and shouted a unison of: "Yes, sir!"

Hange nodded before looking at me. Her brown eyes were uncharacteristically cold and her tone clearly indicated a command. "I have no choice here. Be ready to land on your own."

I didn't have the time to reply before she activated more gas and pushed off the wall. In the corner of my eyes, I saw that almost everyone did the same although they gained more speed compared to our combined weight. My mind was pristine, the adrenaline heightening all my senses, and I instantaneously worked through Hange's words; it came to no surprise when she dropped me as soon as we passed the top of the wall. I reached the safety of the concrete with an agile crouch and quickly came to standing, eager to see what was happening.

Armed with deadly blades, the soldiers propelled themselves towards the Colossal Titan in a united front. Their dark green capes fluttered behind them as they soared through the steamy air and avoided a gigantic but slow arm. I instinctively ducked even though the same limb missed my head by at least a dozen yards.

"All at once! Cut its nape!"

I couldn't distinguish Hange from the rest. The soldiers were all so small compared to the titan-shifter, like birds flying their way to their favorite branch in an ancient tree, and as birds, their speed made up for their lesser size. I watched as they began to descend, their hooks buried deep within the titan's back and shoulders, but before any of them could get close enough to actually reach the monster's flesh, the titan-shifter suddenly let out an enormous amount of steam from every part of its gruesome torso. Everyone within its closest vicinity was blasted back and even I staggered and bent slightly as the hot gust forced me away. When the initial force of the push back faded, I lowered my hands that naturally had risen to protect my face and, frowning, came to a hesitant running towards the bemused group of Survey Corps members in front of me. The now unmoving titan-shifter continued to violently release fume from its body, creating a misty barrier around it. A soldier attempted to launch her hooks towards the Colossal Titan but the tempest deflected the sharp metal from connecting to its creator's flesh and she morosely reeled in her wires after a couple more tries.

My shirt stuck to my skin, humid with both my own perspiration and the searing atmosphere so close to the titan-shifter, and I brought a sleeve to my forehead, wiping away pearls of sweat. Two or three soldiers crawled up the wall to my side while carrying the unequipped recruits and I heard Hange voice shout some quick orders all around. As the group started to disperse and split up into smaller teams, I saw her approach the edge of the wall and look down, her otherwise so cheerful brown eyes weighed down by the gravity of the situation. She noticed my gaze and glanced at me once before calling a troop to her side, her focus intensely tracking something on the ground. Another rumble erupted; I had almost forgotten about Eren.

"...no choice." Hange concluded by the time I reached her. I suspiciously eyed the Colossal Titan but it hadn't even moved an inch from earlier. "When the opportunity shows itself, we fight to kill, is that understood?"

The soldiers weakly complied. She looked them all deep in their eyes before turning towards me, a sigh slipping past her lips.

"Thought I'd never say this, but Levi was right," she wearily told me, seemingly unaware of the curiosity she roused in the squad. I shifted uncomfortably beneath their confused gazes. "You shouldn't have left Wall Sina. If you come to harm… well, any more _visible _harm, he'll have my head. Remain here and help with the injured, will you?" she asked, abruptly smiling.

I stiffly nodded. Hange sounded awfully gleeful for someone who had just predicted her impending death. I didn't really think Levi would murder her but I had seen the cruel part of him one too many times to be fully ascertain he wouldn't do anything similar.

Hange opened her mouth to continue when she was interrupted by a sickening crunch coming from below. It was the unforgettable sound of bone and flesh yielding for a stronger power, a sound I immediately associated to brutal melee. The soldiers snapped to attention and looked down the wall behind them, and I urged myself closer to the ledge as well, ready to feel the uneasiness in my stomach as I reminded my hyperactive brain how high above the ground we actually were.

My eyes widened in dismay as I saw Eren's limp titan form splayed across the green field at the foot of the wall, the left side of his face completely crushed. His titan-body breathed heavily and vapor rose from the severe injury, indicating his rapid regenerative ability, but since he didn't move, I realized that it was the pain of the blow that paralyzed his limbs. Approaching his extremely muscular body was another titan-shifter, an equally tall but twice or even thrice as bulky titan with thick, golden plates covering his whole face and body except on the crown of its head where short, blonde hair grew. Its eyes were also like gold but without either pupils or whites, and I knew that they were directed onto Eren's sluggishly standing titan.

"Stay close to the wall for now!" called Hange as she jumped off the concrete.

I barely even detected the soldiers' swift disappearance. There was something so majestic with the two titan-shifters, something that fascinated me to the very extreme, and I wasn't even aware that my tormented body moved to get away from the heat of the Colossal Titan. I witnessed Eren's brown-haired beast swing a fist towards the Armored Titan who quickly launched a counterattack, but before the latter was able to land his strike, Eren stooped, brought an arm around his opponent's neck and hurtled the golden titan-shifter into the ground. He proceeded with his initiative and fell on the Armored Titan; the two giants slammed into the grass and started wrestling, both of them making their best efforts to gain the upper hand against the other, and for a horrifying moment, it looked as if the blonde titan would win, its strong hands clamping around the brown-haired titan-shifter's left leg in an attempt to tear it apart from the body. My system was overflowing with exhilaration but I could still feel my throat constrict and my lungs shrink in fear for the boy I knew was controlling the dreadful titan.

_It doesn't look right_, I unexpectedly noted for myself as my body halted, satisfied with the distance it had put between me and the Colossal Titan. _While Eren is struggling to rip the Armored Titan into shreds, his opponent—controlled by who could be nobody else than that recruit named Reiner—is fighting with a different intent. He's obviously after to take Eren—but to where?_

Eren's titan form screamed in pain but he somehow managed to overthrow his foe with the combined strength of his wiry legs and immediately straddled the blonde titan-shifter across its broad shoulders. He then pulled his opponent's arm in an impossible angle, cracking the ostensibly impenetrable carapace, and ripped off the limb with inhuman might. His green eyes were glowing with fury and he bellowed in primal ferocity, filling me with dread.

Taking the opportunity while Eren was distracted, the Armored Titan abruptly propped itself up on its elbows and was able to throw off its huge load. Eren's titan form scrambled to his feet and stumbled towards the green-dotted wall, following two shapes I was too far away from to individually recognize. The golden titan-shifter didn't even seem fazed by its missing body part and barely allowed itself to reconstruct before following Eren, smoke rising from the fractured parts of its plates. It balled its large hands into fists and ominously exhaled a cloud of steam from its splintered jaw before bursting into a charge towards Eren who's face had just mended back to normal. Unable to dodge the Armored Titan's sudden advance, the brown-haired titan-shifter was tackled into the wall with a loud shriek and the collision of the humongous bodies shook the foundation, sending tremors all the way up to me. I wobbled unsteadily and automatically backed away from the ledge before I could fall. Quick to regain my footing, I started towards my former position and vantage point when a booming howl brought me down to my burning knees again. I squeezed my hands over my ears, grimacing at the mad, howling tone; I didn't know when it ceased and became a mere echo in my head but kept my pulsing face planted to the concrete until I was sure the world wasn't spinning anymore.

Something enormous stirred to my right, attracting my disoriented mind. I whipped my head just in time to see the Colossal Titan topple to its side and plummet towards the ground. Several voices clamored in horror, mine one of them, as I hastily dragged myself back towards the edge and looked down.

The immense torso landed exactly on top of the two grappling titan-shifters, creating an explosion so powerful that I thought the wall might collapse. A gust of scorching, dirt-mixed air smacked into my face, pushing me back, and the light temporarily dazed me. I groaned in pain as I roughly fell onto my backside and blinked fervently in an attempt to recover my sight, my chest heaving rapidly to inhale enough oxygen for my racing heart to keep working.

_Eren, _I thought as I shakily came to standing, my legs failing me once. I rubbed my eyes, ignoring the dirt on my knuckles. _Please be alright. Please don't let anybody be hurt._

I didn't know to whom or what my wretched brain was so hopelessly praying to, seeing as though I didn't believe in any higher force or special deities, but I cussed at each and everyone of them when I saw the Armored Titan trudge away, seemingly unharmed from the earlier blast, with two dark shapes on his shoulder. The scalding steam that continuously arose from the scene far below me suddenly felt cool to my paling face as I saw the deep hole in the neck of Eren's torn, inanimate titan-body.

_They took him._


	16. Chapter 13: Malady

**Chapter 13: Malady**

I didn't know for how long I was standing at the ledge and simply staring down at the miserable, decomposing carcasses below me, but by the time the anxious calling of a familiar voice finally roused me from my deep stupor, the humongous corpses had dissolved into nothing but white smoke. A huge depression marked the spot where the explosion had happened, the cavity vaguely shaped after the back of a gigantic, humanoid body, and the steam that arose from the area brushed me mockingly across my hot cheeks. The wind brought with the smell of dirt, humid air and the sharp scent of iron, making me wrinkle my nose. My back was aching, completely sore after having withstood several rough beatings, and I closed my eyes and let out a slow exhale as I rubbed the bruised skin with a gentle hand. The burning sensation that embraced me as my eyelids slid shut reminded me of my lack of sleep and it was almost impossible for me to surface from the merciful darkness even as I was spoken to.

"Sera?"

I turned and bleakly met Armin's wide blue eyes. His clothes were covered with mud and his hair was tousled and damp, but other than that he seemed unharmed; he was worried for someone else. I raised my gaze and saw the soldiers cooperate to drag up their lifeless comrades from the ground to an undamaged part of the wall not too far away from my current position. Limp shapes lay neatly stacked in a row along the length of the wall, one of them with disheveled, auburn hair and fogged, yet stubbornly intact spectacles, and my heart ceased its heavy beating as I thought that they were the fallen.

"Are you alright?"

I evaluated his question before stiffly nodding. "Yes."

"Good, because we could really need your help," Armin pleaded and started towards the group. I mechanically followed, my gaze fixed to Hange's unmoving form. Seeing my distraught state of mind, the boy quickly went on, "Everyone is alive, albeit some only barely."

We passed the long line of injured in silence, swiftly maneuvering between paramedics and other attendants, but I decided to pause at Hange's booted feet. Her mouth slightly ajar, she was breathing in a calm and regular manner and her expression was smooth and serene, drastically contradicting the large bruise that blossomed from her hairline to her cheekbone across the left side of her face. A woman was checking her pulse and another was prying off her spectacles, absentmindedly grazing an elbow over her patient's jacket. The latter abruptly ceased her current task and her brown eyes darted to the leather before returning to her work with a quizzical look, replying something to the other medical officer. Her strange action caught my attention and I followed her line of sight; something shaped like a rectangular piece protruded ever so slightly from beneath the worn material. My best guess was that it was a notebook of some sort tucked into the inner pocket of the jacket and I continued to follow Armin, my curiosity rapidly decreasing. Still, it was a bit strange that Hange had decided to bring something to write on, especially since she didn't seem to carry any pencil.

Armin hadn't even noticed my brief halt. It wasn't until he stopped at a prone person separated from the rest that he realized I wasn't directly behind him anymore and inquiringly raised his eyebrows as I hurried the last couple of steps.

"Sorry, I…"

My voice trailed away as I looked down at Mikasa. She was panting raggedly with an arm wrapped around her stomach and shakily got on her knees and right elbow before slumping to her left side, grunting. Her otherwise so strong, stoically set features were constricted in pain and I immediately crouched by her side, firmly placing my hands on her right shoulder and hip as she attempted to rise again.

"Stay down," I commanded her. "It's me, Sera," I added as her body tensed.

Mikasa let out a small breath and abruptly, her muscles slackened and her breathing returned to natural. I questioningly looked up at Armin and he swallowed, wiping a sleeve beneath his golden fringe.

"I don't know what happened to her," he gravely said. "She was dangling from the wall when I found her. I… I think she might be having a concussion."

"So do I," I agreed and gestured for him to get on the other side of the girl. Armin quickly obeyed. "Has she eaten anything recently? Help me remove her gear."

"I don't think so," replied the boy earnestly. He then began to unscrew the sheathes from the main device and I held up her legs as he dragged away the box caught beneath her lifeless limbs. Mikasa groaned something but her eyes stayed close and she slipped back into sweet senselessness an instant. I gently rearranged her legs in the most natural and comfortable position possible before returning to her torso, carefully slithering my fingers beneath her pressed side to raise her an inch, just enough for Armin to ease out the waist-part of the intricate gear. He placed the items aside, giving room for both of us to freely circle the raven-haired girl, and knelt opposite to me, ready to receive another order. I was unused to such an indisputable display of reliance and froze for a second as I met his trusting gaze.

"Ehm," I began and awkwardly cleared my throat. "Could you peel off her jacket and cape? I need to examine her chest."

I assisted him with her left arm and waited until he had put aside the garments, folding and placing her red scarf behind me. Together, Armin and I then slowly angled her towards the concrete and allowed her to lie on her back, adjusting her right leg once. I unclasped all the buckles I could reach and placed her arms to her sides before checking the pulse in her neck.

_Calm and even, _I noted and glanced at her composed expression. The edges of her wild bangs danced across the bridge of her nose by the silent tune of a fresh breeze and her soft, pink lips were parted, inhaling regular, albeit hoarse, breaths. I decided to inspect her even though I thoroughly doubted that she was especially injured, and looked back up at Armin for aid.

"Could you bring me some water?" I asked the boy. "She cannot be dehydrated, not in her state."

"Of course," Armin curtly responded, smoothly taking on the roll of the subordinate. He nimbly got to his feet and headed away into the direction of the commotion behind me, calling a name I didn't recognize. My focus returned to Mikasa's still face and I abstractedly brushed away a streak of sand across her right cheek. The movement pushed aside her hair as well and revealed a thin but conspicuous scar beneath her right eye that marred her otherwise pure complexion. I lightly trailed a finger over the irregularity without any particular reason and instantly, Mikasa's exotic features contorted into a grimace, temporarily destroying her perfect visage, as she murmured a name.

"Er… _Eren_."

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I almost jumped in fright. Armin sank down next to me and handed me a water bottle. "We gotta ration it, mostly for the sake of those with burns, but this oughta be enough, I think," he said.

I grabbed the dense leather sac and shook it, feeling the fluid ripple within. It was a little lesser than I had expected but would suffice nonetheless. "Thank you," I answered and dug my hand beneath Mikasa's head, scraping my bandaged knuckles against the concrete. "Mikasa? You need to drink."

"Do you need anything else?" wondered Armin after a moment of silence while we watched the girl reluctantly drink and then pass out again.

I shook my head as I fastened the cork and placed the water bottle to the side. "I don't think so," I replied and folded my legs underneath me, settling in a relaxed stance. I placed a cold hand on top of Mikasa's forehead, beneath her fringe, and drew away when I decided that her temperature was normal. My fingers scrutinized her ribs, tracing the bones and the pronounced muscles enveloping them, and I crosschecked my information before moving onto her abdomen and down. Everything seemed to be fine and I finalized my conclusion to the concerned Armin with a smile.

"She's just exhausted," I told him, sounding as reassuring as I could, and patted him on his frail shoulder. "She'll need some rest. Could you watch over her and call me when she wakes up? There are a couple of tests I'd like to run with her to check her mental state."

Armin quickly nodded. "Sure, but where are you going? And thanks," he added. "All the medical officers are busy with worse."

I rose to standing, furrowing my brows. "I, too, will help with the wounded," I said, meeting Armin's surprised gaze. "You said the medical officers were rather occupied, didn't you?"

The boy hastily gathered himself. "Yeah, but…"

I raised an eyebrow, well aware of what he thought. "I'm one of you now, whether Levi wants it or not," I said harshly, my irritation over the man flaring in an instant. "Have some faith in me, will you?" I then asked in a softer tone. "I know what I'm doing."

Armin pressed together his lips once, then smiled weakly. "Okay."

I mirrored his expression before leaving the two recruits, glancing one last time at Mikasa, and was greeted with startled looks as I loudly asked of what I could be of service with. Hesitantly and after an uncomfortably long pause, a man with dark hair directed me towards the injured one by one and I began tending to scalds, severe bruises and strained wrists and ankles. The names and faces of the soldiers faded away, my brain too preoccupied with work to take note of such trivial matters, and an unknown amount of time passed in the flicker of mere seconds. The other medical officers were initially rather apprehensive about my involvement but I gained their trust after having snapped back a young male's previously dislocated shoulder in a single try. Beyond that, I was rapidly handed more soldiers and found myself completely engulfed in my occupation. Memories of my time at the clinic flooded back and even though I fleetingly perceived that other people were spent, especially the medical officers and the dwindling amount of eager assistants, I never even once felt tired, my fingers moving on pure instinct and experience and my mouth clinically voicing the theories I held for my current patient. It wasn't until I had gotten through to half the row of wounded that the wave of unavoidable fatigue surged over me and I absolutely had to pause, breathe and step away for at least a moment. Simultaneously, I felt someone's keen focus attached to my profile and curiously looked about for my observer. I was quick to lock onto Hange's weary face and she shone up as our eyes met, urging me to come closer with a wink. Her friendly smile immediately turned upside down when I accidentally stumbled over my own two feet as I started towards her and it was replaced with a creased forehead by the time I plopped downwards on the concrete next to her, mindful of the resting man I also had to squeeze in next to. He stirred and muttered something incomprehensible, but fortunately enough refrained from awaking.

"You need some rest," she stated sternly, reluctant to scold me for my extreme, benevolent efforts with the group but wary regarding my personal health. "Take a break."

I soaked my chapped lips and rubbed a hand over my neck, meeting resistance in form of my hair. I hadn't even noticed that my ponytail had unraveled and composed a new one as I constructed a reply. Hange's warm, insightful eyes were considerably smaller without their faithful spectacles and followed my every move with increasing worry. I almost grimaced at her sympathy; I wanted none of that. I simply wanted to show my worth as a member of the Survey Corps.

"There are still many who need my help," I disagreed. The pain of the suffering lingered heavily in the air, weighing down the atmosphere with the unmistakable scent of soaked bandages and sweat. I had since long discarded my jacket and cape for someone to use as an extra cushion and wrinkled my nose at the smell of my white shirt. "Do you have anything to tell me?" I asked Hange.

"Yes." Her tone was sharp, authoritative. "Take a break," she repeated.

"But—"

She cut me off. "That's an order, Sera."

I exhaled in resignation. "Right," was all I could say, my stature slumping.

There was a pause. I automatically commenced gazing into the distance, following the vague, hazy line where Wall Maria blended together with the clear blue sky before scanning the woods, hills and hollows, my eyes fervently looking for any signs of titan activity, such as their trademark smoke. I, to my disappointment, detected nothing. It was eerily desolated of life, especially considering that the territory had been claimed as titans' since long back.

"It's beautiful from up here, isn't it?"

It took me a moment to understand her question. "Oh," I then responded, feeling oddly embarrassed. "I wasn't admiring the view."

"I suspected something like that. Titans, huh?"

I redirected my attention towards her lying shape, one brow raised. She, too, was thoughtfully looking directly up into the sky, her eyes tracking something I unsuccessfully spotted. For an awful moment, Hange reminded me of my mother with her strange, irregular behavior but the horrible notion was instantaneously washed away when I distinguished the shining glimpse of the will to live in her brown orbs. I briefly wondered how old she was—seeing as she was much wiser than her appearance conveyed—and nearly surprised myself by asking; I caught the words before they could escape from my mouth and nervously rubbed my hands together as I turned to look back at the brightly lit landscape before my eyes.

"Yes," I admitted, folding my knees towards my chest and embracing them. "It's the titans," I murmured into the fabric of my trousers.

"Many of us fail to confess the fascination we all hold for those creatures, even to just ourselves. We just kill them without remorse and fueled by years of built-up hatred." Hange sounded amused and even chuckled some, although it speedily erupted into raspy coughs. I gave her a meaningful glance but she dismissed it with a small smile. "It usually takes a couple of years until we get the idea whatsoever and while most ignore the notion until it disappears, another few learn to acknowledge the feeling without being disgusted. "

I raised my chin. "How many years passed before you were able to accept it?"

Her voice was neutral. "Too many."

I shuddered, feeling how a sudden tension crept into Hange's tone.

"It sure is astonishing how fast both you and Sebastian adopted a similar mentality," Hange went on, bluntly veering away the subject from herself. "Were you afraid at all by the aberrant from earlier?"

I swallowed. "Yes," I truthfully answered. "I have never been more scared."

"This may sound a bit odd, but might I ask for the exact reason you were so frightened?"

Furrowing my brows, I glanced at her. This time, she steadily met my gaze and held it. "What do you mean?" I wondered.

Hange tried to shrug but grimaced instead. "Ouch," she grunted, tenderly pressing a light hand to the bruised part of her face. "Just asking."

I thought of it for a while, letting the inquiry fill my mind, and suddenly comprehended that I had no rational reply. I _had _been terrified, that was for sure; but for what I couldn't figure out. The knowledge that I was about to be eaten alive? No, I had braced myself for death, even a painful one as being devoured. In hindsight, I discovered no real reasons for what had caused my petrified state of horror.

And that realization struck me as the most fearsome of them all.

"I don't know," I quietly said, tightening the hold of myself. I was suddenly feeling cold. "I really don't know."

Hange hesitated—allowing me to gather myself—before softly speaking, "Sera, I'm not asking this because I want to call you out or something," she began, "but there are some things I just cannot seem to connect. You're not a titan-shifter, are you?"

My stomach churned uneasily and a lump started forming in the back of my throat. "Not since the last time I checked," I replied, vainly trying to disguise my quivering voice with sarcasm. The result didn't sound pretty and a part of me cringed at my pathetic attempt.

"But you still manage to heal and survive extraordinarily," Hange continued, barely allowing me to finish my sentence. "Sebastian was able to sense titans with his gift and while you don't, perhaps…"

Her voice trailed away as she quietly mused for herself. I watched a flock of birds cross the sky and stretched out my numbing legs and aching shoulders as I grudgingly let out a yawn. Hange's exasperated sigh drew my focus and I glanced back at her bemused expression with somewhat relief—I didn't know if I was ready to tell anything yet. I needed time to truly figure it out on my own first, test my own conclusions, before I could decide something for sure.

Hange looked at me and frowned. "I cannot think right now. And I guess you won't tell me anything?"

I pursed my lips and broke off, dropping my gaze to my bandaged hands. _You have some dark secrets, don't you? _teased a maleficent voice. _Why don't you just spill them? Now that there are things as mad as titan-shifters, you oughta be deemed normal in comparison. Isn't that what you're so terrified of?_

_No, _I protested. _Sebastian made me promise him not to tell anyone, that it would be safer for everyone that way. I tend to keep it that way… but it still feels wrong not to tell, especially since he's already shared the part about his power. I mean, how "bad" can bad really be?_

_Try it out._

I was just about to formulate a reply when a voice interjected, "Riders on top of the wall! It's… _it's Commander Smith accompanied by the Military Police!_"

Hange went rigid and my head whipped around, my eyes widened in shock. I had never heard of horses being used on top of the walls and scarcely believed whomever had called it out until I saw it for myself. Using several mechanical devices, similar as what I had been elevated with albeit in much larger scale, I saw gigantic, wooden platforms having been raised from the ground and now jut out of the wall quite a distance away from our group. Both manned and vacant saddles approached us in a long line and I couldn't stop myself from instinctively searching for Levi's chiseled face. I was unable to distinguish him in the front and knowing that he would be riding nowhere else but next to Erwin should he be present, I let out a breath; I was more than glad that he wasn't amongst them since I noted that all were heavily armed with crammed sheathes and extra gas containers. It was beyond belief and common sense for me to shed such concern for such an infuriating, deadly man as him, but I couldn't help it. A blush colored my cheeks as I spontaneously recalled his words in Hermina and I violently shook my head, determined to ignore every thought of him for now. I had much more important things at hand.

Like the crawling Hange in front of me.

"Hange!" I called. Her movements increased in speed and she deftly maneuvered herself between the legs of the soldiers that gathered around a dismounting Erwin. I scrambled after her, excusing myself and occasionally knocking my head into someone's backside or elbow as I stooped to try to catch her, and even managed to lose her in the crowd. Fighting the urge to smack myself in the face, I tried to find a lying shape, growing more and more frustrated with each step I took. The enlarged group, reinforced by the riders, swiftly grew silent as they listened intently to a female's heated voice and I sneaked through the throng of uniformed people until I reached the auburn-haired woman lying prone on the ground. I wanted to interrupt her ramblings and drag her back to her resting spot by the ear, like a disobedient child, but decided to abstain when I actually listened to what she was saying.

"...until twilight." Hange took a deep breath, earning a kind hand on her back from the commander who was kneeling next to her, observing a map that the woman was pointing into. "Until twilight, I say!" she then shouted in a hoarse voice, craning her neck towards the faces that surrounded her. "If you get to the forest before that, there's a pretty good shot at catching them. Now hurry!"

Erwin gracefully rose and looked about. "You heard her," he said calmly. "Get to your horses—we've got no time to spare if we want to save Eren and find those responsible for the catastrophe of Wall Maria's downfall."

His piercing blue eyes found mine and he nodded a soundless greeting. I responded with a salute and respectfully waited until he had mounted his horse before I hurried to Hange's sprawled form, pushing past soldiers heading into the opposite direction. Her fingers clawed after the water bottle I carried through a slim strap across my chest and I gave it to her, allowing her to drink all of its contents.

"So," I half-heartedly started, already having surmised her answer as I witnessed most of the soldiers around me adjoin Erwin's troop. Mikasa had awoken and went along with Jean and Armin, her clenched fists swinging in symbiosis with her legs. Her gait was hard and determined, revealing no weakness at all, but I noticed that her back was slightly bent and that her jaw tightened as she straddled a dark brown horse. "Am I going with them?"

"Definitely not," breathed Hange and handed me the empty bottle, her breathing labored. I hung it back over my torso and gave her a confused look. She sighed and said, "No. You're supposed to be my responsibility and it'll remain that way. Since I'm staying, you'll stay as well."

I childishly crossed my arms over my chest. "Levi, huh?"

Hange smiled crookedly, but instantly groaned in pain as her bruise made itself reminded. "Ugh," she muttered, her brown eyes glimmering with suppressed tears. "Well, see it this way: we need you to be present here. Didn't you just say you had tend the rest of the wounded as well?"

"I thought I was having a break," I mercilessly parried, her feeble attempt at sounding convincing instead evoking a deep frustration within me.

"Taking a trip through titan-infested land is hardly what I would call a break."

"That didn't seem to be a problem for you earlier," I prompted, glancing back at the riders clad in Military and Survey Corps emblems that took off towards the wooden protrusions. A team had worked to move them to the other side and was now waiting for the rest of the group, their fluttering capes waving a unison of goodbyes.

"There's a difference this time," replied Hange after watching them descend. Her cheerful tone was uncharacteristically constrained and piqued my interest. "I'm no longer in charge, Erwin is. And although he's one of the best men I've ever had the fortune to meet—he won't hesitate taking risks. And that includes the lives of his soldiers."

"Such bravery is admirable," I said, not truly understanding her point. "It's something every leader must possess, isn't it?"

Hange nodded solemnly. "Yes," she agreed. "But that's also why I promised Shorty you'd stick with me."

The ambiguity of her cleaved conscience was clearly evident in her voice. Still, I opened my mouth to obejct—Levi had absolutely no right at all to get himself involved with _my_ life—when Hange raised a dismissive hand. "I don't want to hear it," she concluded and started crawling back towards the temporary and surely uncomfortable bed made of her flattened jacket and dark green cape. Only a tiny squad remained with the injured: two medical officers I knew as Mira and Jacob, constantly dipping down towards their fellow comrades with a water bottle or a bandage roll, sweaty, flushed and wasted; one elderly remuneration officer I vaguely remembered was named Jack, who with a broken arm and sprained ankle was in no condition to assist with anything at all but simply sat on the edge of the wall with a cheap smoke between his fat, red lips while staring dully over the green fields; and three very helpful, regular soldiers, seemingly adept at what they were doing. None of the wounded were conscious except for Hange and well, Mikasa, but they needed the rest. Sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion never made for a good combo.

I sauntered after the auburn-haired woman's wriggling, refusing to help her with the rather precarious predicament she had situated her hurt body in, and finalized my arrogant posture by her side as we returned to our earlier position. "Ah, come on Sera," Hange whined, flicking a taunting eyelash my way as she settled onto her back. "Don't be so grumpy. It doesn't suit you."

I let my hands drop to my lap and heaved a sigh. "Fine," I answered. "It's just that everything he does is to literally drive me _insane_."

"Bah," she let out and chuckled, causing an agonizing ripple to shatter her entertained expression. Stiffening, she took a deep breath. "He only wants to protect you. It's pretty cute of him, don't you agree?"

I rolled my eyes, my spine straightening. "Nothing about him is or will ever be described of me as 'cute'," I remarked, my mood worsening with each passing second. I didn't want to talk about Levi.

Hange seemed oblivious to my feelings, though, as she incredulously replied, "Oh, really? I thought you two were in some sort of thing."

The way she sad "thing" sickened me; my heart longed for nothing more than such a certainty of a relationship but my mind screamed a big, underlined "no". And since I was one to—in most cases, at least—follow my logic rather than my intuition, I denied my greedy, cowardly heart its savage, infernal desires. It was utterly wrong and naive of me to still think, to still hope for something to rekindle between Levi and I—but I was a fool nonetheless. The hunger, the ache, craving and yearning, was there, adamantly, starkly; as clear as the shimmering light of a titan-shifter entering his or her titan form. I could hope to avoid it or hide away from the blinding truth, but I could never truly escape the undeniable.

_What did I think? _I pondered, almost amused with myself. _What did I think when I hoped that things wouldn't get complicated with the Survey Corps? Sebastian left me with an intangible mess, forcing me to choose between a rock and a hard place, and Levi's constant prying doesn't do much to help. The easiest would be to just leave and never look back; neatly and swallow my pride and return to Karanese and let this be a lesson for life: don't bite off more than you can chew. _On a crisper note I added, _Seems like I'm learning all kinds of ancient sayings and cliches all over again._

"Sera?"

I shifted nervously as I roused from my reverie. "What happened to all the Titans?" I lightheartedly inquired, eager to switch topic. "There are none on either side of the wall."

"You didn't hear?" she replied, her brown eyebrows shooting high into her forehead. "The scouting troops searched all over the place but they found no breaches in the wall."

"What?!" I exclaimed, blinking. "But, you and I—we _all_ saw the Titans!"

I accusatorily pointed north towards the enormous rubble, the proof of my statement. Hange swallowed and raked a hand through her auburn bangs. "I cannot explain that," she firmly answered. "None of us understands anything right now. The titan in the wall, the strange reappearances of the Colossal and the Armored Titan… _you._"

I had nothing to say to that but bit down on my lip. Hange seemed to remember how frustrated she was at me and closed her eyes with a small sigh. I took it as though our conversation was over and left her, asking Mira if she wanted some assistance.

"Nah, Jacob and I'll handle," she answered and looked up with a friendly smile, tenderly caressing a male soldier's weather-beaten cheek. "You look like you need some sleep though. Do you want anything to eat?"

I yawned, my body happy to oblige to her former suggestion. I could feel my lids grow heavy in an instant and was suddenly glad I hadn't followed Erwin's group: I would have fallen off the horse. "I'm not hungry, but thank you," I said. "I'll just take a nap."

Mira nodded vigorously, her short, blonde pigtails bouncing gleefully. I strolled until I found an adequate spot to relax on—not that I had much to choose from considering that I was on top of a fifty-five yards high and barely twenty yards wide wall—and merely rested against the bare concrete without any form of mattress except the material of my clothes. My worn shoulders, elbows, backside and calves chafed against the coarse material as I established a relaxing stance and slumber came over me much faster than I had expected. I dreamt of nothing but easy, tranquil darkness, something that had occurred ever since I entered the Survey Corps, my old nightmares as vanished. I was more than content with fleeting around in the infinite nullity, endowed with the complete freedom of imagination and the oblivion my unconscious mind presented me, and delighted in the weightlessness; finally, I didn't have to think about anything, not my brother, Levi or myself. Or rather, I couldn't.

But then, panicked, raw screams awoke me and I found myself stumbling headfirst into nightmarish chaos.


	17. Chapter 14: Cracks

_Rated M for: Detailed descriptions of gore._

* * *

**Chapter 14: Cracks**

"Take care of the wounded first!"

I was blinking and rubbing my eyes to adjust to the humanly lit wall. I couldn't tell when exactly night had ensued but judging by my shivering body and numb skin, I guessed that it had been a couple of hours ever since. More voices, both comprehensible and mere mutterings of pain, joined with the first one and flickering torches danced across the concrete, shedding their warm light over the area. The wooden platforms were hoisted or being hoisted to the ledge on the southern—the titans'—side of the wall, and horses and men staggered out of them with blank, hollow looks across their faces, their sheathes shockingly empty and their clothes battered and soiled. I paled as the last elevator was raised.

They were so _few_.

"Help me with the horses!" screamed a tall, elderly man, most likely a veteran officer, while urgently putting a vacant hand to his mouth to amplify his deep voice. His other hand was clenched around two reins, matching two dark, sweaty horses. "We need to gather them and find some water!"

"I need a medic!" shrieked a red-haired woman, the beam of the torches breathing fire into her hair. Her large eyes were as round as a bird's and her gray shirt and brown trousers were drenched in blood; she dragged the limp, broken shape of a man after her, painting a glistening red trail after her. Both wore the emblem of the Military Police. "Please, he's hurt!"

I shakily got to my feet at the latter even though my eyes had already analyzed and concluded the facts of what I initially had thought: her lover was already dead. Nothing I did would reverse such a permanent sentence, but perhaps I could console her.

I started towards her, hope lighting up her blue eyes, but I had to look away when I spotted Eren and Jacob lower Mikasa on top of a stretcher. The girl's black hair was oily and damp and her eyelids were drooping, but she couldn't have looked more content at seeing Eren by her side. I, too, was relieved at seeing him all well and intact and trusted Jacob to be able to handle the two. Armin and Jean were also by their friend's weak form, as well as two more recruits I knew not the name of. Jean was the only one who seemed visibly injured and looked like he had taken a good pummeling; he held a soaked cloth to his split lips and acknowledged me with a hasty wave with his left hand, catching Eren's attention. The brown-haired boy turned to face me and a mutual amount of solace illuminated his dazzling emerald eyes, almost making me blush. Mikasa's dark gaze also switched to mine and she greeted me with the slightest nod, her half-lidded eyes somehow able to convey her satisfaction over Eren's return. I responded with a stiff smile; I became anxious at her stillness and watched as Jacob called a soldier to his side to help lift the girl into a wagon. Mikasa opened her mouth to protest but Armin put a gentle hand on her arm and shook his head, silencing her in an instant.

A proud, blond figure suddenly slumped, his left hand releasing a torch and his dirty gear clattering as it collided with the concrete. Four officers, all of the Survey Corps, sprung to his shrunk posture and one of them barked: "Commander, can you hear me? _Sir_?!"

Everyone whirled to see Erwin Smith's collapse. I was the fastest to recover from my shock and gestured for the appalled Jacob to continue with Mikasa while I sprinted towards the fallen man. Eren and Jean, too, rose to start towards their commander but Armin stopped both of them, mumbling something I was too distracted to hear. It didn't matter; I had only one goal in mind for now.

I grabbed the water bottle bouncing against my hip—only to remember that Hange had emptied it. Frustrated, I violently tossed it aside, not caring if the stupid thing slid over the ledge, and knelt by Erwin's side. His broad shoulders were quivering in an overzealous attempt to suppress any signs of pain and my eyes widened in dismay as I noticed the sickening void where his right arm should have been. Blood as thick as syrup, semi-coagulated yet bound to gravity's rules, dripped down on the concrete and I fought down the urge to retch. The officers eyed me suspiciously as I swallowed and mustered as steady a voice as possible.

"Get a wagon here," I ordered them, surprising even myself with how composed I sounded. "Fetch some water; bandage, compressors, cloth—_anything_, to strangle the blood flow."

My eyes darted towards the torch. For a moment, I considered burning the wound shut but then quickly dismissed the notion as I concluded that I had no adequate tools, no metal plate to heat up and press against the bleeding. Holding the cut off—or as I reckoned with a queasy stomach, _devoured_—arm directly into the flames would do no good but cause even more pain.

The creaking wheels of the wagon roused me from my musing and I swiftly backed away from the commander as he was carried and placed into the small space, his gear also being disconnected from his back. Two of the officers remained on the wall to organize the chaotic remains of the once large group while I accompanied the other pair down to the ground, my hands working to cover the severe injury with an insufficient bandage roll and someone's Survey Corps-cape. We were silent, unable and unwilling to speak lest we missed if Erwin's labored breathings would cease.

I was too busy to remember to be afraid of our dubious position on the elevator and also happy I had taken the opportunity to relax earlier. The two officers, one a petite woman in her later years and the other a gaunt man twice her size, fell asleep after only minutes on the bumpy road, their weariness succeeding over the rough path, and I found their even breathing oddly reassuring to listen to. I constantly checked Erwin's temperature, the tightly wrapped injury and his pulse, carefully maneuvering from my tiny spot in the corner of the wagon to where my patient rested. He, too, was thoroughly spent and couldn't have cared less about my anxious tugging at his wrapping or my cold touches.

At least a dozen more carriages trailed behind us, probably acquired from the stable I had seen at the foot of the wall, but all was spookily quiet. Nobody spoke or cried or complained. The torches were able to illuminate the ominous dark but that was all; a suffocating sense of dread filled the air, exuding from the soldiers that were still awake, and I wrinkled my nose as I reluctantly breathed it in, filling my system with the disgusting feeling of having missed something major. The weary soldiers had, without doubt, survived a tremendously horrible experience and I wished I could ask someone about it, curious to know what he or she had found beyond Wall Rose, but my instincts told me to refrain. I decided to obey, even though my brain heatedly protested.

_At least Eren's back, _I pondered as I curled into a protective ball, allowing Erwin and the two officers as much room as possible. The stout woman muttered something as she craned her neck to the other side and stretched out her legs on the now vacant spot, her feet knocking into my thighs. I tried not to care but it was hard; her boots were caked in what I at first had thought was mud, but what I now saw was a mixture of dried blood, dirt and mashed intestines. The crimson sullied my black trousers and something awfully similar to hair stubbornly stuck to the garment. I felt bile rise in the back of my throat but swallowed it, well aware that I needed to be strong. And the fact that I wouldn't have any water to cleanse myself with also helped me push down the urge.

I inhaled with my mouth, sipping down more of the ambient fear that enveloped the party, but the scent of iron fused with something rotting and sweet still managed to permeate my defense and made my stomach forcefully demonstrate against the sensation. I automatically raised a hand to cover my pursed lips when I suddenly realized that the bandages had come off. A shudder rolled down my spine as I blinked and held up both of my hands until the glow of a torch caught on my skin and I could have my observation confirmed.

The skin on my palms had healed.

_I don't believe it_, I thought and instantly buried my hands in the crease of my folded legs, digging them deep between the warm flesh until my fingertips grazed against each other. I clenched my legs together and desperately tried to forget what I had seen. Thus far, I had been able to somewhat ignore what Hange had told me. It had been easy to think of "Sera" as someone I knew merely through her, a friend of a friend, but now that I literally was staring proof right in its ugly face, I no longer knew what to think.

_Should I reveal what I know? _I wondered. _Should I forget about Sebastian and the consequences and just tell everyone the atrocious truth?_

I hesitantly allowed my dull fingers some space and sneakily peeked at them, immediately feeling nauseous when I saw the flawless skin. There wasn't even a scar left to remind me of what had happened. I remained as petrified until we reached Hermiha some hours after the break of dawn, although I occasionally recalled Erwin's critical state and surveyed him every now and then. I couldn't even enjoy the freedom I felt outside the walled districts or witness the change of twilight, the magical moment when night and day was equally present and the moon and the stars for once competed with the sun's relentless shine.

I was too afraid.

The great southern gate of Hermiha closed with an echoing thump after the last carriage and the already rather populated square we had entered was quickly enveloped with our glumness, troops from the Military Police and Garrison awaiting our arrival. The sun was almost in zenith but I was still cold to my very bones.

Frightened eyes regarded us from obscure windows and alleys. The first thing I did after the wagon came to a sluggish halt was to push my way through the two dozing officers and scream after some much needed bandage, since Erwin's had bled through. My call roused some life into the morose party and soldiers from all the three military branches mingled as they assisted in every way possible, unloading wagons of injured and bringing large water barrels and baskets of bandage rolls. The forces that had been guarding Hermiha were initially stunned at our small number and even though they fervently inquired to what had occurred outside the safety of the walls, I heard nobody who answered. Rapid footsteps over cobblestone and rough, determined orders filled the town plaza, joining with the horrified wails as someone discovered that his or her friend, family or lover had deceased in the most terrifying way possible: in the jaws of a titan.

Erwin was still unconscious by the time our carriage driver was replaced with someone who knew the city well and steered him and the two nameless officers towards the nearest clinic, escorted by a needlessly large squad. I declined the invitation to follow along but only because I caught sight of the most annoying and irresistible person I had ever had the misfortune to meet.

Levi was still wearing his expensive black suit, although I guessed that he had changed shirt once again. His ebony hair was neatly arranged in a typical hairstyle and the white cravat around his neck furthermore accentuated his proper appearance, clearly separating him from the crowd. He stood shorter than most but didn't have to veer away from his course one bit: _nobody _dared to cross his path and I, too, would have stepped to avoid him if it weren't for the fact that he was aiming straight for me. His silvery eyes locked with mine and the frigid hostility caught me off guard; I had forgotten how absolutely daunting he was and what cruel effect that piercing gaze of his had on my easily persuaded heart.

His gorgeous lips turned into a sneer when he reached me. People were open-mouthedly glaring at us, not even caring to conceal their astonishment at seeing "Humanity's Strongest" approach a mere mortal like me. Neither did they disguise their sympathy at the palpable tension that surrounded me and Levi. In closer proximity, I saw the dark crescents beneath his eyes, indicating his lack of sleep, and I fleetingly wondered how many pots of tea he had consumed for his gaze to remain as intrusive as ever.

"Now, don't you look like a pile of shit," Levi scoffed, his voice as sharp as the edge of a blade. He folded his arms over his chest, weighing on his right foot, and scrutinized me from head to toe. "What fucking disaster did Shitty-glasses drag you into?"

Before I was able to answer, he spotted the blood on my pants and pointed a slender finger in the same direction. "And what the _fuck's_ that supposed to be?" he snarled. "Did you have some half-assed picnic with jam sandwiches out there?"

I rolled my eyes. It felt unusual to be able to direct my frustration at someone and I was, for a second, relieved to release some fumes. I preferred anger rather than confusion, as much as it proved Levi right by calling me hot-headed.

"Not at all. And I'm _fine_, thanks for asking," I replied in an aggressive tone and shoved my hands into my pockets, away from his perceptive eyes. "Seems you and I've established some kind of standard salutation already."

Levi scowled, making my heart skip a beat. "What happened?"

I shook my head and felt my ponytail disentangle itself again. "I don't have time to talk to you right now," I truthfully answered as my eyes scanned the square. I easily spotted Jacob with his conspicuous hairdo and heavily-framed spectacles but Mira was nowhere to be found. Apart from the those two, I saw no other medical officers and even though I trusted that most of the soldiers were trained paramedics according to standard military education, I knew that my presence would be appreciated.

But obviously, Levi begged to differ.

"Tsk. Don't even try," he snapped and grabbed my elbow. "Where's Four-eyes?"

I swallowed and returned to Levi, his touch causing my knees to weaken. "Hurt," I uttered, dismay coloring my voice.

The ice in his silvery eyes immediately hardened. "How 'hurt'?" he demanded.

"Pretty badly," I confessed, exhaling in the same breath. "But she refuses to admit it. Both she and Mikasa need help whether you want it or not." Frowning, I yanked away from him and started towards Jacob. "My assistance is required."

"Wait."

I spun around, my eyes widening at his tone. He had almost, just _almost_, sounded genuinely concerned. If it was for Hange or Mikasa, I did not know, but it piqued my interest nonetheless.

Levi's countenance was a handsome, emotionless guise, and his voice similarly as unreadable as he asked, "How are you?"

My throat immediately constricted with emotions. "I-I'm alright," I awkwardly stuttered, my cheeks reddening. _I think, _I silently added.

"Really?" His black eyebrows gracefully arched and he wearily took a step closer to me. "Sera—" I cringed, "—you're _trembling_."

I instinctively stiffened. "No, I'm not," I disagreed.

It sounded like a question. Levi reached for my arm again, a look of grave determination setting his features in stone, and I frivolously attempted to get away from his grasp even though I was well aware of how far superior his reflexes were compared to mine. He managed to seize my wrist and, in the process, clumsily pulled up my right hand from its burrow in my trousers. His eyes narrowed into slits as he noticed the mended skin and I froze in fear, terrified and appalled of what he would think.

"Your hands," he spoke, his voice too low for me to discern any specific emotions, "they've healed."

"I-I don't know how," I murmured, dread quickly debilitating my annoyance. "I didn't even notice it until we were on the road."

Levi examined my hand for a second longer, his slender fingers clenching around my forearm like a vice, but then abruptly let go and straightened. He raked a hand through his perfect hair and discreetly glanced from side to side.

"We cannot talk about that here," he said, finally taking note of our audience. The number had dwindled but some were still staring at us, most likely profusely amazed that I hadn't been mutilated yet. "Where did you send Erwin?"

"To the closest clinic," I quietly replied. "Please, you cannot tell anyone about this," I added in a plea, raising my hand towards him. "Especially not Hange."

He frowned and I instantly retracted my arm. "You know I can't promise that," he remarked. Shitty-glasses needs to know. We _all _need to know what's happening to you."

"Please," I tried again, my voice breaking. "Please, Levi."

His silvery eyes were solemn and clear like the surface of a still lake. I feared large amounts of water and I somewhat feared Levi—no, what he was _capable_ of; the combined similarity should have terrified me but I strangely enough found myself lost in the contradiction of their shallows and depths.

Levi broke off and turned to face the direction Erwin had been taken. "I'll find you later," he coolly answered before splitting the crowd like a dark shadow, the soldiers dodging him as if he were a dangerous predator—a mixture of awe, respect and fright flashing across their faces—, and disappeared down the avenue. A piece of me was happy that he had left and commenced to soothe my rapidly beating heart while another part of me, a substantially stronger and larger part, longed for his continued presence. I didn't realize it until Mira shouted my name and dragged me back into the horridness of the situation, but Levi somehow made me feel a tad safer in this havoc of human life.

* * *

Armin was already sleeping by the time I found the right door. His soft breaths filled the obscure room with a comfortable aura and I felt myself automatically relax as I closed and locked after me, careful to step over the messily arranged 3DMG on the floor. My fatigued limbs slumped down on the only other bed and I stripped down and changed into a fresh set of clothes without caring much if the boy was feigning his slumber or not: I was too tired to even bother. With an exhale, I disentangled the damp towel from my hair and threw it aside before crawling beneath the sheets, ignorant to the fact that I was soaking the pillow.

It had taken all afternoon to take care of the wounded, write my short report of the "expedition" and help cleaning up the town square. To say that I was exhausted was an inadequate and much too gentle statement. I was thoroughly spent and wished nothing more than to sleep a day or two, but as soon as unconsciousness began tugging at the edges of my mind, someone just had to disrupt the appreciated development.

Knock, knock.

Curt and authoritative. I had an idea who it was even before I staggered towards the door, seeing as Armin didn't even react to our probing guest.

"W-wha… what is it?" I fumbled, peering through the gap I allowed between the door and the door frame. The hallway was only lit with a few occasional candles but I still had to blink a couple of times before I regained my normal vision. Seeing Levi's deadpanned visage made my mood sour and I had to resist the urge to slam the door in his face since, after all, I had asked him what he wanted.

"We need to talk. In private."

_Great_, I thought as I numbly met his gaze. His silvery eyes glimmered maliciously as he saw my hesitant shape and after a brief suspense, I sighed in resignation. "Fine, let me just grab my boots."

He patiently waited without an ugly comment and I was surprised at his silent demeanor as we exited the cramped inn and strolled down an empty alley. The evening was young, yet not inflicted by the dark of the night, but awfully lifeless. The whole city seemed sunken in despair and I could taste it in the air, a bittersweet corruption that seeped from the buildings. As much as I believed what Hange had mentioned earlier, I, too, was afraid that the Garrison had missed a crack somewhere and that there actually were titans inside Wall Rose, waiting, biding their time to launch an attack. I knew that there were no confirmed sources or documents that proved titans as intelligent, thinking beings, but the fear of the unknown was still rooted in me as a pure instinct. We knew too little about our foes to take them for granted.

Levi halted and turned around, his eyes clawing into mine. "I wasn't able to talk to either Erwin or Shitty-glasses," he announced in a neutral voice. "They've been out of it since you arrived."

"How are they?" I earnestly wondered, nervously rubbing my hands together.

"They'll manage." He averted his gaze. "It's kind of fucking weird seeing Erwin without an arm."

I nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah."

There was an awkward pause. I intertwined my fingers and rolled on my heels, grimacing slightly at the strain I felt through my legs. Levi didn't speak. We remained at a casual talking distance from each other, politely allowing the other person enough space to not feel invaded, but there was still tension in the air.

Electricity.

"So," I began as I glanced up at the clear sky. "What was it you wanted? Or did you call me out just to irritate me?"

He snorted. "There are many things I'd much rather waste time on than pestering you, stupid."

I expected him to continue but he stayed quiet. I took a deep breath; I didn't want to talk about it but I was unable restrain myself. His previous words had haunted me ever since he had uttered them and I needed some clarity.

"Levi, about earlier." I swallowed, hard. "Did you mean it?"

"Are you wondering about what I said before you idiots took off?"

I reluctantly lowered my gaze. His eyes were as cold as always and he stood with his hands in his pockets, gracefully radiating both confidence and nonchalance with a single pose. It felt wrong of me to press the issue but my heart begged for it. And in all honesty, so did my brain.

"Yes," I whispered, afraid of talking too loud.

We looked at each other in silence for almost a minute before he warily approached me. I tried to back away from him but my body had gone rigid in anticipation and fear. The air grew heavier and more dense with his every step and I found it gradually harder to breathe, an invisible weight burdening my chest. A thousand different thoughts rushed through my mind, some leaving larger prints than others, but I was unable to make sense of even one of them as a warm hand tentatively cupped my cheek. My nose was filled with the faint smell of tea, damp hair and aftershave; I automatically leaned into his calloused palm, my eyes fluttering shut, and couldn't help but to sigh in relief. His touch erased all my stress, frustration and dread in an instant and I enjoyed the feeling so much that I didn't even care about how angry this should have made me.

"I meant every damn word."

I opened my eyes. His silvery globes were uncharacteristically soft, which further brought out their unnatural shine, and his angular, chiseled features were relaxed for once. "I just want to keep you safe," he went on, his voice low. The pad of his thumb tenderly circulated my cheekbone and he tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear with his other hand. "Is it really too much to ask for?"

I soaked my lips, trembling beneath his gentle contact. "B-but why?" I stuttered. "Why do you care so much about me?"

Levi arched his slim brows and skeptically scrutinized me. "Is that really a question worth answering?" he coolly parried. "Didn't think you'd be _that _stupid."

"I need confirmation," I meekly admitted. My cheeks flushed with color as his eyes narrowed. "I need to know I'm not just imagining things up_._"

He snorted lightly before leaning even closer to me, thus deleting the last barrier of air between us. His soundless breaths warmed my skin, making the hairs on my neck stand on edge, and pushed my heart into an unhealthily irregular and rapid pace. Every fiber of me burned as if on fire, a raging inferno consuming all common sense, but my movements were calm and practiced.

We were no strangers. We had done this before.

My hands moved of their own will and so did Levi's, and we greedily started examining each other's bodies with a savage hunger when a voice suddenly screamed at me to get it together, push him away and run. I roused from my dreamlike state as another call reminded me of all the pain he had caused me and I stiffened when a third presented how shamefully cowardly and weak I was who gave in so easily. I stubbornly, childishly tried to make the rioting notions disappear into the deepest part of my mind—I needed this, I needed _him_—but reason had already brought me down from my high and I knew I would regret kissing him.

Levi's lips were skimming mine, barely separated by a hair's width, when I abruptly shoved him away with both hands. He stumbled back but I didn't wait to see if he fell; I was already sprinting down the alley and back onto the open avenue, immediately finding the inn. My vision was blurry with tears as I scrambled upstairs, brusquely pushing past two female soldiers from the Military Police, and slammed open the door to my room. Too late, I realized that Armin was sharing it with me and I murmured a weak apology to the boy who instantly sat up and watched me with anxious, blue eyes. I locked the door behind me, kicked off my boots and dashed into the vacant mattress, happy to be able to hide my face even if it meant burying it in a wet heap of cloth. Hugging my saturated pillow closer, I counted the seconds until Armin's subtle snores resumed and only then did I allow myself to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart.


	18. Chapter 15: Broken

**Chapter 15: Broken**

The rest of the week passed in an astonishing speed.

The tension between the military branches and the former denizens of Wall Rose rapidly developed into a disorganized turmoil as even the smallest of a child soon understood that the food stores were inadequate for all of the refugees. The rich and the nobles refused to share their precious lands and the frightened middle-class citizens were forced to live in the dilapidating underground ruins within Wall Sina which only further aggravated them since once simple things such as clean water and beds quickly started becoming a pressing issue. The Military Police did a surprisingly good job containing the unruly people with their antagonistic but obviously very effective advances, but the Garrison still had to prematurely deem Wall Rose safe and inhabitable again, lest a civil war should break out. Terrified families returned to their homes and even though some initially refused to leave Wall Sina, the Military Police had their secretive ways of persuading them to go. At the end of the brief evacuation period, when all civilians had returned to their rightful place far away from the dreadful slums, the complaints and the threat of the people from both classes disappeared, but bigger problems immediately surfaced and took their place. Economy and trade had drastically plummeted during the week, causing an uncontrollable inflation to corrupt the kingdom and an overall poverty to enfeeble its already weak population. Food and other necessities grew ever so difficult to acquire and since the Garrison's forces had been stretched thin across the length of Wall Rose on constant guard duty, the Military Police had to send additional troops to the four outer districts to establish at least some kind of calm.

If supposed couriers of peace carried rifles and guns.

I miraculously managed to get a letter from my aunt and Miriam in all of the chaos. I had received it from a tired remuneration officer calling around for a certain "Seraphina Berninger" in one of the overflowing clinics of Hermiha I had been keeping myself busy with. After washing off all the blood from my hands and wrists with unscented soap and water, I found a free chair where I could perch upon before unfurling the note. I recognized Lydia's sloppy penmanship without even reading a single word and smiled at the familiar and ever so rude habit she had of writing curses in letters as I read the actual message. She told me that she and Miriam were fine—_No bloody titan will get to me or my family alive; your uncle taught me where them fat bastards' spots are_—, that the clinic was going well—_Twins born yesterday; drunken man who thought he could swallow his bottle of toxic; a woman with the oddest shape of her left breast, worried it might have something rotting within_—and even remembered the courtesy of asking me how I was. I was moved by the lattermost, frankly feeling kind of homesick, and decided to send a reply as soon as I was either forcefully thrown out and bid to take a break—happened once, the first day—or ran out of patients to examine. Unfortunately, it never came down to either.

_A week_, I brooded as I rubbed my hands together. _Seven days were all it took for humanity to turn against herself, finding new foes, igniting old conflicts and discovering dire flaws in everything but the real cause. If this is but a week, how will the world appear in a month? _

I involuntarily shuddered. Jean glanced anxiously at me, hesitating to give me the box of random root vegetables, and called for Sasha, another recently enrolled cadet of the Scouting Legion and seemingly a comrade of the recruits I already knew. She had been kind to me thus far but often made me uncomfortable with her overly polite responses. In a way she reminded me of Hange with her dark auburn hair and brash, spontaneous, sometimes childish behavior, only, a less intelligent version of the infamous titan-fanatic. Sasha was far from stupid but I guessed that her demeanor wasn't as exaggerated as Hange's could be.

"I can handle it," I insisted and snatched the wooden box from his hands. Jean frowned but said nothing as I started towards the house with a grimace at the weight of my load.

"What is it?" I heard Sasha grudgingly offer behind me.

There was a sigh. "Take this, will you? It's filled with potatoes—your old friends."

I ignored their arguing and led my steps towards the entrance of the large log cabin. The earth was depressed in a natural path shaped by countless of human feet from the narrow dirt road towards the entrance of the cabin and I noticed, with ascending eyebrows, that someone had taken the time to neatly trim the grass and clean the windows. For a supposedly unused and confidential safe house, the revelation had me surprised a good while. But then, I remembered who it was we were dealing with and instinctively frowned in dismay as I trudged onwards. The fresh sensation of air mingled with the vaguely sweet scent of the surrounding pine trees had until then eased up my tense muscles, but my heart immediately began pounding hard against my ribcage as my thoughts veered into the worst kind of distraction. I bit down on my lip, hoping that the pain would snap me out of my emotional breakdown, but the feeling of the throbbing flesh only helped to remind me of what had happened and I was starting to feel unsteady.

_Get it together, _I told myself as I inhaled deeply, allowing as much oxygen as possible to flow through my malfunctioning body. _Get it together, _I repeated and stomped off the dust from my boots, gently kicking into the wall to remove the sand stuck beneath. _Have patience; he'll be here soon. _

_And then we'll have a _real _talk._

It was beyond tricky but I somehow managed to peel open the door to the spacious log cabin and sneak in, using my foot to firmly nudge the door fully open for the recruits that followed me. Armin gave me a thankful smile and I silently replied with one of my own before placing my burden on the empty space on a counter, seeing as I stumbled straight into the heart of a sparsely decorated, yet more than sufficiently furnished kitchen. I dragged a sleeve over my forehead and almost jumped in trepidation as Eren appeared in the naked doorway, eyes widened in horror and a white bandana around his neck with a matching kerchief containing his hair. Stubborn strands of brown locks still peeked out of the latter wrapping though, making him look even younger than he was, and he glared accusatorily at his friends after quickly scanning me from head to toe.

"I heard that, you damn potato-girl!" snarled Jean, fed up with Sasha's quietly added answers. "No hunting, no stealing and no snacking! Do you get it or do you actually _want _to be chopped into stew by the corporal? He'd probably even force us to eat it! You!"

"Hey!" snapped Eren, decisively placing his left hand on the same side of his slender hips. "Did you guys at least brush your soles before entering?"

Jean rolled his eyes. "And why the hell should we have done that?" he venomously parried. Sasha agreed with a confused glance. "We're not exactly busy doing nothing. Anyways, who cares?"

I looked down at my boots, instantly catching up to Eren's thought process, and blushed as I remembered what I had done before stepping inside the house. It was an old habit, yes, but also a habit I had gotten from the man who even without being present tormented us all. In particular me and Eren.

Mentioned boy's eyes grew even larger and he approached Jean with panic, his hands waving frantically at his sides. "You just talked about the reason Sasha should be careful around food, you horse-faced idiot! You think _this_ will suit the lance corporal's standard? No! If I hadn't fixed your messy bed—"

"Shut your hole, Jaeger, before I put something in it!" retorted Jean, reddening at the mention of "horse-face". "What, so you've suddenly become my mom now? I'm too damn exhausted, acquiring all these stuff. What have _you_ done?"

Another voice interjected before Eren could reply. Mikasa and the beautiful blond girl I had met on Wall Rose strolled past the entrance, the former brandishing an ax in her left hand and an impressive pile of perfectly chopped logs beneath her right arm and the latter helping with an equally large amount of dismembered wood. Mikasa lazily slouched the basic weapon over her shoulder as she turned to face us and politely greeted with a "welcome back" before setting her stoic gaze straight again.

"Mikasa?" exclaimed Armin incredulously, staring at the girl as she casually passed. "W-what—you're not some vicious animal! You need to lie down!"

"I told her to rest but she claims she's fully recovered," said Eren, instead of Mikasa, in reply. "And I can't really stop her. She's even gone so far as to perform regular exercises; situps, pushups…"

At this, Jean went rigid.

"You've been spying on her?" he growled and swiftly stepped into Eren's personal space. "How dare you?!"

Eren furrowed his brows, defensively raising his hands towards his chest, and shouted, "What are you talking about?"

Sasha fumbled with something on the counter, gaining Armin's and my attention. "Sasha," the boy suspiciously uttered. "What was it you just stuffed into your bag?"

She spun around with a nervous smile. "No-nothing. Especially not bread or anything like that…"

I couldn't help but crack a smile as I absentmindedly regarded the infantile, yet lighthearted quarrel that was triggered by Sasha's obvious lie. The recruits were just so… abundant with life joy. I had seen them grave and unreasonably mature so many times that I had almost forgotten how young they actually were: mere teens. Additionally, I thought that they, too, needed to be reminded of how really youthful they were. This moment was something they would later come to reminiscence and cherish, even with the obvious annoyance that was traded about.

I realized with a sharp sting in my heart that I wouldn't even have thought twice about the situation if it weren't for Sebastian. It sounded horrible but if my brother never would have died, I would have continued to contemplate things in a usually pessimistic perspective and perhaps even have become irritated at the adolescents for fighting each other over such immature reasons. But now that Sebastian was gone, irreversibly and for forever more, I wished for nothing else but to see him again and have the luxury of being able to bicker over these trifle matters.

I unclenched my hands and quietly started to arrange the food supplies, opposing my aching shoulders' pleas of mercy. Briefly, I felt five pair of eyes quickly observe me before their owners also resumed working, the cabin getting prepared for its later arriving residents.

* * *

The weight of the rifle was oddly reassuring. I finally understood why the members of the Military Police acted so confident when carrying the deadly weapons: they had, after all, the power to administer extreme human discipline when necessary.

Commonly known as to end another individual's life.

It sickened me as much as it fascinated me. Knowing, pondering, then realizing that for a rifle to exist in human territory, a human must have originally made it. The combined item of wood, iron and gunpowder I was holding, the weapon that the military was producing and distributing to its prime soldiers who were meant to _protect_ the kingdom's citizens, was a pure symbol of human terror and arrogant pride. Everyone knew what the guns and the rifles was meant to do—preserve peace—but nobody liked to contemplate about what they could be made to do to one another. They were weapons carried by humans and solely designed to kill, hurt and threaten other humans. It was morbid, ironic and horrifying considering humanity had other, considerably worse things to deal with, but regrettably too true.

I suddenly remembered what my father had told me once. _Humans are an ugly race, _Nicolas Berninger had whispered to his four-year-old daughter, a day of delicately frosted windows and shivering by the large fire place. His scornful voice had scared me even as he carefully wrapped the blanket tighter around my cold body and held me, hard. _Ugly, despicable and weak. You're lucky you're different._

I pressed together my lips. _I__f only he wouldn't have said that last bit. Maybe, I could have pretended I was the same as everyone else and faked any potential questions considering my childhood. Maybe, I would have been a better, no—_stronger _person than who I am today today._

"Sera?"

I shook my head clear from thoughts and spun around. "Hey," I sternly replied as I lowered the rifle. "Is it already time for a change of guards?"

Jean hurried up the short flight of wooden stairs separating the outpost from the grassy downhill. "'Already'?" he echoed and took the weapon. "It's been hours."

"Oh," I said, unable to find a better answer.

"The squad leader wanted to see you," said the recruit in a neutral tone as he shrugged on the rifle sling over his right shoulder.

"Did he say why?" I carefully asked, freezing mid-descent.

"No, but you should probably find him as soon as possible. He didn't sound happy."

I stalked away from the boy with an irritated frown. "He never does," I muttered under my breath.

After rinsing my hands in a barrel of rain water placed strategically against the side of the house, I wiped them on my trousers as I found my way indoors, glad to be able to remove the resembling smell of blood from my hands. The recruits were busy cooking and I gently squeezed past them, almost knocking into Eren's backside as I dodged Mikasa's violently whipping elbows. He gave me a quick smile and I awkwardly straightened as I stared at the girl's clinical precision with the knife. The peeled, yellow potatoes stood absolutely no chance.

"Do you know where Levi is?" I wondered and hoped he wouldn't sense the slight tremor in my voice.

Fortunately, Eren seemed too busy with his task to notice. "Uh-huh," he replied while concentrating on keeping up with Mikasa's vicious cutting speed. He heatedly grabbed another onion and sliced it in half. "He's checking all the rooms," he gulped and a look of fright flashed across his face, temporarily interrupting his motion. "Let's pray he won't kill us after dinner."

My smile stiffened. I had hoped to see Levi in the somewhat safety other people's presence but considering our past, I guessed observers wouldn't really matter. If our conversation would escalate into a fight, the least I could do was to minimize the amount of casualties.

"Yeah," I numbly agreed, more to myself than Eren as I headed deeper into the house. _Yeah._

The log cabin was quiet except for the ambient noises of boiling water and metal stabbing against wood coming from the kitchen. I had spotted Hange and her squad leave for about half an hour ago and hoped to get some sort of recap of the meeting I intentionally had avoided by taking the first guard. Although not from Levi, of course.

_What can I say? _I inwardly asked, automatically rubbing my hands together. _How should I even begin? "Hey, Levi, I just wanted to say:_—I grimaced but allowed my panicking mind to continue—_I'm completely and utterly lost for you. But, since you're one heck of a jerk, I cannot allow myself to be with you. So could you please stop existing? For the sake of my sanity?"_

I slapped myself in the forehead and slumped against the wall, a scowl etching onto my features. _I'm gonna have creases before I'm thirty, _I dryly thought as pressed my head against the cool wood and sighed. Immediately, a familiar snort was heard from the room furthest down the hall accompanied by a coolly spoken, "Get in here already."

My breath hitched in the back of my throat. I swallowed the lump that was beginning to shape and thrust my legs forward, moving them even though they were quivering like wet clothes flapping in the wind from a washing line. It felt as if my bones had turned into an unsubstantial mess and that mere will was what kept me going. And that, only barely. I knew that I was a coward but not even anger could stop me from shaking. If anything, it only made it worse. All the usual tactics such as breathing deeply, thinking about petty distractions, or remembering the horrifying night in the frozen lake was nothing compared to what I was experiencing while walking down the hallway. My steps were long and even, conveying a loose illusion of confidence which, of course, was as far away from the truth as it could get, and I kept my focus glued to the irregular pattern of the floorboards, unable to look up when I eventually arrived at the threshold of the opened doorway.

"Hey," I quietly mumbled, coming to a halt. "Jean said you wanted to see me?"

He didn't reply. I finally mustered enough foolish bravery to raise my chin and did so, immediately losing myself in his cold, silvery eyes. We stood there, simply staring at each other as neither of us could come up with something to say. His clothes hugged him in all the right ways, igniting, heightening the ever-present physical attraction that I felt for him. He was, without a doubt, the handsomest man I had ever met. Still, everything about his attitude, from the determined set of his jaw, the thin line of his gorgeous lips to the nonchalance of his posture, practically screamed for me to keep my distance. It wasn't hard for me to obey the loud notion, seeing as my body had turned numb from being torn between desire, heartache and self-directed spite.

"How was your week?" he abruptly demanded.

I cringed at his uncharacteristic effort to be civilized. "Fine, I guess," I answered, surprising myself with how flat my tone was. "Yours?"

Levi ran a hand through his hair, the pale skin contrasting noticeably amidst all the black. "Fucking horrid," he exhaled.

My heart refused to calm down. At the clinic, Lydia had once reprimanded a retired soldier for continuing with his strenuous exercises even when reaching a respectable age of fifty-eight, meaning that the heart was destined already from birth to beat a certain number of times. If her statement held the slightest sliver of truth, I was probably going to reach my limit by the end of the year, at least in Levi's infuriatingly irresistible presence.

"How's the commander?" I wondered, continuing our straight ludicrous charade to be polite. "And Hange? I wasn't able to see her earlier." _In my stupid endeavor to evade you,_ I inwardly added.

"Tsk. Shitty-glasses was always just fine." His voice lowered. "And Erwin is finally awake."

"That's really good," I instantly sputtered, feeling relieved over the pleasant news. Then, I frowned. "Why do you look so… sullen?" I asked.

Levi's tone was solemn, genuine. "We should talk."

The furrow between my eyebrows deepened and I defensively crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah," I sarcastically agreed, tensing at the recollection. "Because that went just fine last time."

"I didn't mean to do that," Levi snapped. His silvery eyes flared with anger and broke through his guise of indifference. "I don't know what came over me. For a while, I just…"

_The hesitation_, I thought in disbelief as I watched him close his mouth, pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. _It's the second time he's ever doubted his own words. _

"Look," he began as he glared at me. "Could we just skip all of this bullshit?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I sternly replied even though my heart skipped a beat. "Do you mean your crappy jokes?"

"No."

"Your outrageous venture at being civilized?"

He scowled. "No," he repeated aggressively.

"Too bad," I said, defiantly raising my eyebrows. "Because you're pretty horrible at both."

"Shut it," he snarled and pointed a reproachful finger at me. "You're making this so much harder than it should be. Are you even aware of our current situation?"

I glowered at him. "I'm not stupid! Who doesn't know humanity's on the verge of self-destruction?"

"Exactly," he said as he took a step closer, an intimidating look hardening his features. "People will do anything to survive, thievery and extortion being the least of our concerns. And whom do you think carries the task to erect order amidst all this disgusting chaos?"

"It's the duty of the military to uphold peace," I confidently replied, remembering the phrase from the days of training as a cadet. "I reckon the Garrison and the Military Police are having their hands full?"

Levi frowned. "Yes, the shitheads of the Military Police." He snorted condescendingly. "Those lazy pigs are busier than ever. It would have been fun to watch their usually incapable, fat asses get to work if it weren't for the fact that they're after Eren…"

There was a strained pause. I waited and his jaw tensed before he reluctantly added, "And _you_."

I felt my face drain with color but managed to keep steady, the extreme mixture of fear, fury and frustration numbing my emotions. "Explain," I demanded.

"Don't ask me how," Levi warned, "and Hange barely knows anything either. Erwin is currently looking into it, but thus far it's been concluded that someone noticed your overall state during the expedition and talked to the higher-ups about it. I don't blame whoever it was for seeing such an obvious misfit since even a toddler would be able to discern you amongst a proper troop, uniform or not—"I rolled my eyes at this,"—but still, the development is worrying. We don't know what they want to do with you, although I have a rather accurate guess."

"I-Is that why I'm here?" I bleakly wondered, ignoring the last. "To keep me… hidden?"

"You could put it like that." He quickly looked away. "But the true reason is probably because I want to protect you."

Levi stood dangerously close to me now, barely allowing an arm's length of air to divide us. There was electricity about, sparkling hotter, more furious than ever and even though I was tempted to simply turn around and leave, a part of me was too allured, too… willing to give in to the voracious monster within me. It was ripping me apart, the suspense, the apprehension that immediately roused at our close proximity, and I lost what little self-assurance I had been able to reestablish after a week of, frankly, therapeutic work at the clinics. I had helped others but mainly in a selfish purpose; I had needed something to get my thoughts off Levi and hopefully, help me forget the curse of his touch, the invigorating feeling of heat that surged through my every bone and muscle every time I saw him. But of course, as soon as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind my left ear, his calloused fingers brushing over my skin, I involuntarily shuddered in content, my defenses crumbling as easily as a castle made of sticks and leaves. His large hand cradled my cheek and his voice was soft as he spoke.

"I don't know what you're thinking," he murmured. "But I fucking cannot get you out of my head no matter what I do. I know it ended badly—"

I instantaneously snapped back into reality. "That's a _damn_ understatement," I maliciously interrupted as I tore away his hand, my heart roaring in rage. "How could you do something like that to me? How could you go behind my back and lie to me like that?"

Levi arched his brows. "I have no fucking idea of what you're telling me right now," he earnestly said as he dropped his arms to his sides.

"You don't?" I almost shouted now, my vision gradually growing blurrier. The blood rushed back to my face and I felt my face contort into a nasty grimace. I didn't want to fight, I really didn't, but I couldn't stop myself from going headfirst into what would surely escalate into an ugly argument. I had avoided this conversation for far too long—five years even.

"You don't remember anything?" I went on at his frustrated silence, instinctively curling a hand towards my chest. "Do you even possess a conscience? What kind of heartless bastard are you?"

"You're not the first one to say that," he unkindly remarked, making me flinch, "and you definitely won't be the last. I don't mind getting reminded, seeing how old I am, so enlighten me: what in the _fuck's name_ are you ranting about?"

"Oh please," I exclaimed in exasperation. "Why do you think we broke up in the first place? You think I'd just walk out on you like nothing?" My voice broke.

"Actually, yes." Levi frowned at my dumbfounded expression. "What?" he growled.

I groaned as I slapped myself in the forehead. "Seriously?"

"You're making absolutely no sense at all," he venomously stated.

"And you…" I grumbled through my gritted teeth, thoroughly fuming. Although I knew I would miss, I was very close to striking him, and had to inhale deeply before finally uttering the words I had dreaded to confront all these years. "You really are the worst, aren't you? Not only did you _cheat_ on me but now you're also denying it face to face? You damn coward!"

I suddenly slammed into the wall once next to me, Levi heatedly gripping the material of my blouse. It would have felt passionate if it weren't for the bone-chilling frigidness that glowed from his silvery eyes and the unmistakable harshness of his knuckles against my skin.

"Are you accusing me of infidelity or cowardice?" he challenged in a deadly tone.

I blinked in surprise. "I'm not 'accusing' you of anything," I then valiantly parried. "I saw you."

"When?" he snapped, his demeanor impossible to read.

"The night before I told you to get the heck out of my life," I scornfully replied, my jaws barely moving. "_She _was there to open the door. In _your_ shirt. While you were having a shower, you unfaithful _pig_!"

To my dismay, I started to cry uncontrollably. I knew I wasn't a pretty weeper and shamefully diverted my face to the side, breaking off. _There, _I thought as I tried to blink away the unwanted water. _I finally admitted it. I finally said it out loud. _

Levi's grip of me abruptly loosened but before I was able to hide my flushed features in the safety of my palms, another pair of hands sternly redirected my face forward. I hastily mustered my most intimidating glare but stiffened as I found that his silvery eyes had lighted up with understanding. Before I was able to come up with an insult of some sort, he astonished me by snorting lightly.

"Tahlia was a very old friend," Levi calmly said, his thumb wiping away a runaway tear. "Since she didn't really have a place to stay for the night, I offered her mine. It was shitty-ass weather by the time that fucking drunkard had her last sip and I was generous enough to lend her a shower and a shirt so she wouldn't freeze half to death. That's it."

It took me a very long moment to realize what he was actually saying, my brain working on a tenth of its usual speed. "'Was'?" was all I then managed to reply, the rest of his words seeming too unbelievable to be true.

Levi's jaw tightened. "She died the same year we met."

"Titans?" I cautiously pronounced, feeling hollow at the very mention of the dreadful monsters.

His silvery eyes narrowed. "No," he cryptically answered. "She was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Liar," I immediately lashed out. "You're lying."

"Get your shit together, stupid," he coolly retorted. "I've never been anything but honest to you. Always."

"Then why didn't you fight for us?" I wildly exclaimed even though our faces were merely inches apart. He didn't even flinch at my shrill tone, his handsome countenance remaining stoic. "Why didn't you even care to explain? You could've easily solved _everything_!"

"Because!" Levi snarled, pausing ever so slightly. He released me and swiftly turned away, his piercing gaze dulling and lowering towards something on the floor. "Because, Sera," he quietly went on, "I thought you left me because you finally realized you could have someone better. Someone not as… broken."

I forgot how to breathe. How to function normally. And my heart felt like it had shattered into a thousand pieces as I watched his proud stature slacken. Another wave of sorrow shook my unsteady foundation and a fresh set of searing hot tears rolled down my cheeks. It was beyond horrible to hear him say such a thing, to speak of himself in such a belittling way and pained me to my very core, the very essence of my whole being. It stripped me of every ounce of anger; I felt nothing but utter sympathy as I continued to listen, shocked, with my hands covering my gaping mouth.

"I've always considered you too good, too _pure_ to be with someone like me," he harshly admitted, his voice suddenly sounding awfully strained. "I'm well aware of who the fuck I am; I'm not some kind of shitty fairytale hero—I'm a damn fucking horrible human being. And I've always been just fine with that, satisfied even, until I met you.

"I knew that there would come a morning when you'd wake up and actually see me for what I really am: an asshole. Every fucking day I wished for you to remain ignorant to my vices a day longer, to stay blind for all my faults and flaws, and although that lasted damn long and well, I knew you'd open your eyes sooner or later. And thus, I promised myself to let you go without a struggle if you would so choose. I… I swear on my life I wanted your happiness, no matter what it would cost me.

"Sera," Levi stopped and spun around, his mouth curling into a bitter, joyless smile. "I don't know how I can say this without sounding like a complete fucking idiot but I'm—"

He never finished his sentence. I made sure of it as I clumsily tackled him, almost tripping over my numb feet in the process. His arms automatically went out to catch me and his strong physique easily absorbed the force of my push, though he still had to stabilize our combined weight and currently swaying balance by putting a foot behind him. I ignored the curse that flew out of his mouth and curled my arms around the hardness of his muscular torso, embracing him as hard as I possibly could.

"You're wrong," I ungracefully grunted between my sobs. "You're wrong. Don't say anything more, I beg you. I forgive you for everything. Just please… _please_ don't talk about yourself like this ever again. Please."

All I heard was my own ragged breathing. But then, he responded to my touch and hesitantly clasped around me and gently squeezed in return. I closed my eyes in relief; for a second, I had been afraid that he'd deny my gesture and push me away.

"And you say I'm the stupid one," I whispered, my voice getting grainy of all the crying. "Levi, even though people oftentimes prefer to believe else, me included… we all know you're only human."

Levi snorted haughtily but carefully pressed his head against mine. "Maybe," he dubiously muttered into my hair, a hand firmly stroking the back of my head. "Or I could've just managed to masterly deceive you idiots."

The smell of him, the lovely fragrance of his masculine aftershave, black, unsweetened tea and smooth skin never ceased to spur my heart into a rapid pace and I inhaled deeply, my forehead smoothening as I unceremoniously buried my face into his neck.

"Shut it." I breathed as my mouth moved over the dark fabric of his jacket. I simply couldn't refrain from smirking at his poorly executed joke. "Don't ruin the moment."

Levi's grip around me became more confident and his tone was steady, almost normal, as he gravely said, "I've missed you."

My smile immediately widened. It felt as if a heavy burden had been raised off of my shoulders; I couldn't remember the last time I had been this abundant with delight; I couldn't remember the last time I had put aside my hatred for Levi Ackerman and allowed myself to relish in the naked reality of my emotions. I had never been more ascertain of my feelings for him than in that exact moment, wrapped in the safety of his arms, a place I knew I truly belonged to, and so I could respond without even the slightest hint of past disgust, guilt or anger. I put all of it behind me.

I raised my lips to his clean-shaven cheek and kissed him lightly. The notion came naturally and for once, Levi was the one who stiffened beneath my touch, although he was quick to try to disguise it with a frown. I beamed at his bemused expression and traced the chiseled angle of his cheekbone with a gentle finger. He was just too beautiful to keep away from.

"I've missed you, too."


End file.
